The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Fiction
  3. Fan Fiction
  4. The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
More by this author
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants. <br /> <br /> Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: &quot;If you give a man a fire, he&#039;ll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he&#039;ll be warm for the rest of his life.&quot; -Terry Pratchett.

View profile

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar Articles

Previous Next
Fiction
The Final Photograph
By Anonymous
Fiction
Black, Meet Black
By Spellbinder BRONZE
Tucson, Arizona
Spellbinder BRONZE, Tucson, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.&quot;

View profile
Fiction
Orange Fingers
By noemi BRONZE
Denver, Colorado
noemi BRONZE, Denver, Colorado
4 articles 1 photo 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Know manifest your destiny start with small things at first then work your way up, believe me it works I&#039;m a millionaire&quot; - Uncle Andy

View profile
Fiction
Scrat Man
By jeter95 BRONZE
Roslyn, New York
jeter95 BRONZE, Roslyn, New York
4 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you&#039;re going to play at all, you&#039;re out to win. Baseball, board games, playing Jeopardy, I hate to lose.&quot;

View profile
Fiction
best friends
By kaylinanne BRONZE
Hb, California
kaylinanne BRONZE, Hb, California
1 article 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Fiction
The quest of Avalon
By Alexandria amillia alishia BRONZE
Hooper, Utah
Alexandria amillia alishia BRONZE, Hooper, Utah
1 article 0 photos 0 comments
View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1992 comments.

thissux said...
on Apr. 2 2011 at 10:47 pm
this is the worst parody ever. Do you have any originality?? You basically just stole the script of vampires suck and made it worse than it already was. Good job.
LaurenE. PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 2 2011 at 9:33 pm
LaurenE. PLATINUM, Nashville, Tennessee
26 articles 19 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Two woods diverge in a yellow wood, and I- I took the one less traveled. And it has made all the difference. -Robert Frost

View profile
Oh my goodness this just made my day. *laughs*
caedanse said...
on Apr. 2 2011 at 9:19 pm
caedanse, Springfield, Ohio
0 articles 0 photos 20 comments
View profile
I don't like Twilight, but this really wasn't that funny.
Maddog357 said...
on Apr. 2 2011 at 2:19 pm
Maddog357, Louisville, Kentucky
0 articles 3 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
Friendship is like peeing your pants- everyone can see it, but only you can feel it! :)<br /> OR<br /> Life isn&#039;t always fair. Sometimes you may even get a splinter riding down a rainbow!

View profile
ahahahhaahhahahahhahahhahahhaha that was soooooooooooooooo funny
CWells_521 DIAMOND said...
on Mar. 30 2011 at 9:17 am
CWells_521 DIAMOND, Greene, New York
81 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
The best things in life are unseen, that&#039;s why you close your eyes when you kiss, cry, or dream.<br /> What doesn&#039;t kill you, only makes you stronger.

View profile
This is hilarious. I never thought of Twilight in this way before but I love it even more. :)
CrystalMarie GOLD said...
on Mar. 30 2011 at 8:40 am
CrystalMarie GOLD, Steubenville, Ohio
16 articles 0 photos 40 comments
View profile

Haha this is soo funny. I hope you write more like it.

 

-Crystal

EMOcupcake said...
on Mar. 29 2011 at 7:57 pm
EMOcupcake, Toronto, Other
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I have not failed. I&#039;ve just found 10,000 ways that won&#039;t work.&quot; --Thomas Edison.

View profile
xD You, sir, are a brilliant comedian. I would love to see more~
kkayla3897 BRONZE said...
on Mar. 28 2011 at 8:15 pm
kkayla3897 BRONZE, Ogden, Utah
1 article 0 photos 39 comments
View profile
It's amazing how many times I can read this, and it never gets old. You need to do this on other books!!! I'd totally read them.
PixieDoll2698 said...
on Mar. 26 2011 at 9:58 pm
PixieDoll2698, Wood Dale, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
too many people spend money they don&#039;t have on products they don&#039;t need to impress people they don&#039;t like- unknown

View profile
i love the twilight saga and im laughing my ass off right now you're a good writer!
Enjeru said...
on Mar. 25 2011 at 12:28 pm
Most epic piece of literature EVER.
LadyFreeWill GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2011 at 6:00 pm
LadyFreeWill GOLD, Okemos, Michigan
13 articles 0 photos 14 comments
View profile
This was hilarious! It had me laughing till the end.
Cant Be Ramed said...
on Mar. 24 2011 at 5:47 pm
Thats an excellent point.
Rude Girl said...
on Mar. 24 2011 at 5:44 pm
True So I can't believe I'm saying this but sorry.
KuroNekoXIII GOLD said...
on Mar. 24 2011 at 11:09 am
KuroNekoXIII GOLD, Branchville, New Jersey
11 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The only things in life worth having are things worth fighting for.&quot;

View profile
This was so great! I cannot stop laughing. It's short, but pretty accurate. Very nice job with this.
InvisibleNerdGirl said...
on Mar. 23 2011 at 7:44 pm
True. But not liking something is, you must admit, a very good reason to make fun of it. ;)
Cookie3 said...
on Mar. 22 2011 at 7:36 pm
Cookie3, Federal Way, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
View profile
Ahahahah! You're a good comedian:)
venomaheart BRONZE said...
on Mar. 22 2011 at 5:51 pm
venomaheart BRONZE, Framingham, Massachusetts
2 articles 1 photo 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
The enemy always fights the hardest when he knows we are closest to our victory- Joel Osteen

View profile
I don't mean to start an argument, but my opinions are my own. You don't have to but a judgmental jerk about it. If I don't like Twilight, that's me. If you do, great. You don't have to go insulting me because of it.
Rude Girl said...
on Mar. 22 2011 at 4:32 pm
Then Freak You if you don't like Twilight.
Cant Be Tamed said...
on Mar. 22 2011 at 4:28 pm

I agreee with Toastminion seriously grow up already. Just becuase you don't like Twilight doesn't mean you got to make fun of it.

 

 

Kels said...
on Mar. 22 2011 at 3:23 pm

That made me laugh out loud.

Thank you for posting. :D