“Ethan! Ethan! Ethan!” I heard people cheering for my name. This was the first time I had noticed how bright the lights were. This was the moment that every athlete dreams about. The bright lights seemed to be getting closer to me. My football career was flashing before my eyes as I thought about what it would be like after this moment. Why can’t I stop noticing the lights?
***
It was 3 p.m on a Friday afternoon in Newport, Vermont. The school bell rang and everyone stormed out of the classrooms and the hall seemed like a flood of red and white jerseys. “See ya later QB1” “I love you, Ethan!” “Rest up for the game, Taylor” and “Ethan Taylor, you rock!” were all shouted at me as I made my way to my locker. Tonight was the night of the homecoming football game and I was the starting quarterback.  Grant High School was undefeated for the first time in 20 years. We were scheduled to play Jefferson High School, the only other undefeated team in the league. This game could make or break my football career. There were scouts from University of Alabama and Ohio State University coming to recruit me for their team depending on how I played in tonight’s game. I had to make sure to follow my game day ritual in order to be prepared for later. I already made sure to eat the eggs and french toast my mom had made for breakfast and wear my lucky tank top under my jersey.
As I stood at my locker I felt someone running their fingers through my long, brown hair and heard as “Hey Ethan” was whispered in my ear. An instant smile spread across my face as I recognized the voice of my girlfriend, Michelle. I turned around to notice her with a #3 written on her cheek and big kiss waiting on her lips. After giving her what she wanted, we locked hands and walked out of school. My hands were so much bigger that I could probably hold two of her hands in one of mine. By the time we had reached my gray mustang in the second row of the parking lot, I had received seven “Good Luck” shouts and nine “See ya tonight!” shouts. The more people talked about the game, the more nervous I got. I sat in my car and proceeded to drive Michelle and myself to my house, another part of my game day ritual.
As soon as I walked in the front door, the first thing I noticed was the family picture on the front desk. Michelle saw the smile immediately drop from my face.
“You know he would do anything to be here right now and would be extremely proud of the man and football player you have become,” she said in the most comforting way possible. It has been four years since my dad passed away. Today was the anniversary of his death, a distraction clearly not planned in my game day ritual.
“You’re right, let’s just go to the kitchen,” I said just to avoid the conversation of me having to share my feelings on the situation. How could she know how my dad would have felt about me? She is just using the cliche things stated in books or movies as a way of consolation.
Even though my mom was at work, she always left out snacks for Michelle and me to eat before a football game. Michelle and I ate the snacks as I “listened” to her endlessly gossip about the new drama between her friends, but I couldn’t let that distract me for the game. When she was done ranting, it was my turn to talk to her about things she didn’t want to listen to. I talked about my game strategies, and she agreed they seemed like good plays, even though she had no idea what I was talking about.
After eating and talking, we went up to my room to find my freshly washed socks and pants laid on my bed. My mom was the best at helping follow my game day ritual. Putting the uniform aside, we cuddled up in bed to watch Family Feud until game time. Her long, blonde hair perfectly lined up with the tip of my nose, so I continuously smelled the scented shampoo she used the night before. The rest of her perfect body was positioned to fit in my arms. Every week I was reminded that actually watching Family Feud was not part of my ritual, but being with Michelle was. She made me incredibly happy and put me in the perfect mood for the upcoming game. At 4:30 Michelle left when her dad picked her up from my house. She only lived one street down from mine and could easily walk home, but it had begun snowing without us noticing. Her dad did not want her to have to walk in the inch that had already accumulated, even though it had stopped coming down. If one more inch collected before the start of the game, it would be cancelled.
I decided to leave for the game since players had to be at the locker room by 5:00, and I preferred to be the first one there. I knew my mustang did not always do well in the snow, but my mom had the van and I did not have time to wait for her to come home from work. I grabbed my uniform, shoved it into my bag, and headed for the car. I pushed to start, reversed out of the driveway, and headed for the school.
Unfortunately, in the small town of Newport there were traffic lights almost every block, and I always seemed to get the red lights. It was 4:35 and I noticed the flurries of snow that started sticking to my windshield, and soon it was more than just flurries. I needed to get to the locker room first, it was a game day ritual. I honked at the cars that began building up traffic, all because they were scared to go fast in some snow. The light turned yellow, but the road for the school was only 500 more feet with three more cars in front of me. All three cars made it through the intersection, but the light turned red. The timing between my light turning red and the opposite lights turning green would give me enough time to make it through the intersection. I whipped my wheel left so I could get to the school by 4:40, but the wheel locked up as my car began to slip on the snow.
The van coming from the other direction must have been in a hurry, too.
My mustang tumbled back 700 feet, passing the spot I should have stopped my car. It stopped upside down and that was the moment I realized I had not fastened my seat belt. I laid with half of my body out the side of the window, but the other half still in my beloved mustang. The snow felt good on my aching body, it felt like laying on a bed of ice. The snow beneath was turning red and everything around me seemed to be like a flood of red and white. The van in front of me looked familiar. It was my mom’s. How did she get here so fast?
I heard the sirens of an ambulance coming towards the scene and the cries of my mom.
“I’m fine. I’m okay.” I began repeatedly telling the people who would not stop asking. The sirens got louder and then I could see the ambulance speeding towards me with the headlights turned on and windshield wipers on high speed to help compensate for the snow that still continued to pour down.
“Ethan! Ethan! Ethan!” My mom began to call my name. This was the first time I had noticed how bright headlights were. This was the moment that everyone worries about. The ambulance had stopped and the EMT’s came with their gurney, but the headlights seemed to be getting closer to me. My entire life was flashing before my eyes as I thought about what it would be like after this moment. I thought about this time four years ago, and how it felt to lose my father. I thought about the game that I was supposed to play in two hours. If they bandage me up, the coach will understand if I’m late to practice, he will still let me play, right? My mom is still crying, she must be thinking about my dad. Why can’t I stop noticing the lights? They seemed to cover my entire field of vision and then I realized what had happened. My mom will have to mourn both my father and me on this day for years to come. This is what it felt like to die.