The calming ocean waves crashed onto shore as we sat on the bare sand at the crack of dawn. Just me and you. I remember this day so clearly. You wanted to go and watch the sun rise. I got up just to go with you. This was our last day together, and you knew that too. I miss you everyday. It’s not the same without you.

I wrote this in my journal:
“Kayla and I sat at a picnic table on the boardwalk. It was July 21st, and we were on our family vacation. The whole gang was here this year. My family, Kayla’s family, my Uncle T and Aunt Jamie and their three kids, and last but not least, my Aunt Kristin and her husband and their seven kids. All of the kids were younger than Kayla and I so we never liked being around them. Tonight, we went on the boardwalk to shop while the rest of our family went mini golfing. We split up from them so we didn’t have to be embarrassed and tortured by eight year olds all night. I’ve been in the worst mood ever since Jack and I broke up. Of course, he decides to do it two days before I leave for vacation. I have been upset ever since. Kayla is always the best person to talk to when I get sad. She has the best advice, and will talk with me for hours if that’s what I need. She has been the one getting me through this week. Kayla is the most uplifting person I have ever met, so when I found out this winter that she had cancer, it took a toll on my whole life. She is not only my best friend, but my cousin, and a big piece of my family that I need. We found out Kayla had seven months to live, eight if she was lucky. The doctors told her to live her life like she would everyday, and when her time comes, she will be the only one to tell. I have spent the majority of my time with Kayla ever since I found this out. I have dropped my friends and skipped parties just to spend time with her. I look at Kayla everyday and try to imagine a life without her, it is impossible. Today, Kayla has been acting different. A lot more hyper, and she was definitely trying to do more than usual. I didn’t really think much of it so I kind of ignored it. We have been sitting at this picnic bench for an hour and a half now. I don’t mind. Kayla can keep a conversation going for as long as she wants to.
We spent all of today at the beach; tanning, swimming in the ocean, and actually communicating with our family. This has been a very stressful week; living in a house with 23 people is harder than it sounds. Kayla and I got up 5:30 to walk to the beach so we could watch the sun rise. Our three little cousins were already up, and nearly clung to our legs until we stepped out the door. Ryan, who is two and a half, wanted to tag along but we had to (happily) decline. We reached the beach at 5:49, exactly. I remember because Kayla looked at her phone and said ‘Rach, we made it exactly one minute before the sun is supposed to rise.’ She was obsessed with taking pictures so of course I was expecting a mini photo shoot with the beautiful sun in the background. I sat on the beach with Kayla, and we stayed there longer than expected. She talked about Jack with me, and made me feel like it would all get better. She must have some kind of power, she can make anyone smile. Around 7:30 we started walking back to our house. People were already up and claiming their spot in the sand. My family wasn’t like that. We went to the beach whenever we felt like it. I really wanted to stay at the beach all day and just sit with Kayla and talk to her but our parents told us that we had to come back for breakfast by eight. My mom made breakfast every morning, and I can’t lie it was pretty good. Her chocolate chip pancakes were the best, but she only made them when we were at the beach. Kayla and I ate breakfast and changed into our bathing suits and then went back down to the beach. Our family would soon join us down there after lunch. Kayla started a really deep conversation with me, and at first it was a bit awkward, but I am so glad she did. I remember every single word from it. It went a little something like this.
“Rach?” I couldn’t help but the look at her bald head every time we talked. I felt awful, but my eyes were always attracted to shiny things.
“What’s up Kay?” She knew I was looking at her head, so she laughed and then continued.
“I’m really lucky that out of all people in the world I get to call you my best friend and my cousin. I really am gonna miss ya. When we go back home of course.” The comment about her missing me should have been another sign, but again I didn’t think anything of it.
“Aw, Kayla. Me too, cous.” And that was just the beginning. She told me that through all of the school, friends, and family drama that I had been the only one to stick by her. I smiled.
Around 12:30, the rest of our family arrived and that would ruin the entire environment. Screaming kids, crazy adults, and two peaceful teenagers. Not a very good mix. Kayla and I would soon get up and start to walk what we didn’t know would be fourteen blocks down. We continued our conversation. We stopped for our yearly water ice from the little shop on first street. Kayla made everything exciting. We stopped to talk to a family who had brought their four dogs. Very friendly people. The day passed really quickly. We went back to our family and began to ride the waves until we felt like we could fall asleep. The beach really drains all the energy out of me. But, it was only 4:30. We went back to our house to shower and get ready for the boardwalk. I didn’t feel like waiting for the dinner Aunt Jamie was making, so I made my mom give Kayla and I money so we could go get pizza. And I used the extra money to buy Kayla a hat, which we said she would wear for the rest of the trip. Again, she knew there wouldn’t be a tomorrow for her, and she did not tell anyone. Our night proceeded as we sat down at Jim’s Pizza Palace to eat what would be our last dinner together. It was filled with a lot of laughter, and a lot of happy moments. Kayla insisted we got dessert, and now I knew why. we ate our chocolate lava cakes in peace as families came in and out of the restaurant. Again, we took our time, just like everything else we had done this day. Although it did not seem like this, we did not leave the pizza place until 8:00, right around when the sun was beginning to set. I suggested that we watched the sunset, since we watched the sunrise. We sat on a picnic bench, right at the entrance to the beach. My feet touched the sand and I looked over to my left and saw Kayla admiring the sky. As a tear rolled down her cheek that should have been another sign to me. But, I was too into the moment to think much of it. We sat in almost complete silence as the sun set. Kayla took a few pictures, and we took what would be our very last picture together. We got up, and there was little light left to shine on Kayla. The moon came out and lit up her entire face. The rest of our night flew by. The next thing I knew it was midnight and we were back at the house watching a movie. Kayla didn’t wake up the next morning.”
“As I sit and read this to you all, it brings back memories of the best day of my entire life.” Tears stream down my face as I look up to the church full of people I am speaking to. After the ceremony, I am hugged, and thanked by my aunt and uncle, Kayla’s parents, for reading something so dear and close to my heart. I sneak away for a few minutes. I go into the back room of the church and sit down in a chair that is missing one of the arms. Tears are still rolling down my face. I take out my pen and start to write on that page of my journal. My hand shakes and I try not to be messy. Instead of writing about Kayla, I write to her. This is what I say:
“My heart is heavy and I feel as if I will never be able to get over this. Kayla, you are my best friend and I miss you more and more everyday. You were loved and appreciated by so many people and the church showed that today. So many people came that we ran out of seats and there were families standing in the back. Reminds me of that one Christmas Eve mass we went to and our feet hurt so bad. I’ll miss little stuff like that. See you soon, angel.” I close my tear covered journal and wipe my tears. The sun shines brighter through the window, and I am reminded she is still here with me.