I swung my legs back and forth, letting my feet dangle above the small waves that rushed beneath the wooden bridge. The brisk October air stung my face and I pulled my scarf up to my nose. The crispy golden leaves fluttered through the sky and danced in circles around me. I watched a few land next to me and tumble off into the water, floating away and dipping underneath the current.
The date was October 12th. On this day fifteen years ago, my grandfather told my brother and I that we were going to visit a friend. Which friend?, we asked. We’re visiting my friend Casper, Grandpa Lewis said. We trudged down the sidewalk and my feet ached with each step. We finally reached the house and when the front door opened, we were greeted by Casper, a boy only five years older than I. Grandpa Lewis exchanged a few words with Casper before pushing my brother and I into Casper’s arms. He pulled us close as Grandpa turned around and started walking home. My brother and I screamed for him and tried to break from Casper’s grasp. Grandpa strolled down that sidewalk as if nothing happened, and that was the last time we ever saw him.
I felt lonely and betrayed. My mother died when my brother was born, my father died in the war, and my grandfather took a knife to our hearts as he handed us over to a 12 year old boy. Grandpa Lewis abandoned us and held the knife with the hands that once held Huey’s bottle. However painful it was to me, he twisted the blade in Huey’s heart even more. Huey was only four when Grandpa left. Huey told himself that grandpa’s disappearance was because of him, he told himself it was because Grandpa didn’t like him, he told himself that he had to be good so Casper wouldn’t leave him, too. He spent many years of his life telling himself that it was his fault. All he wanted was to redeem himself for the mistakes he didn’t make.
My eyes welled with tears and I quickly wiped them away. I was thankful I was albino; I never wanted to look like Grandpa Lewis.  I inherited the roaring embers of my father’s eyes. Mom’s and Huey’s eyes were waves billowing in the ocean and crashing onto the beach; Grandpa’s were bitter icicles stabbing you from above. Mom, Huey, and Grandpa all had blue eyes, but unlike Grandpa’s, Huey’s didn’t pierce.
I watched the warm colored leaves twirl into the river and skate through the current. They dipped under the small waves effortlessly with no burdens to weigh them down. I wished I could be a leaf, flowing with the current of the river and bobbing beneath the crashing waves. I had too many burdens weighing my body down and making me unable to simply dip beneath the water; the ghost of my grandfather loomed above me like sharp icicles about to fall. My brother’s past insecurity took a heavy toll on my heart and my hidden uncertainties overpowered my perceptions. These emotional tensions tied me to the ground and ensured that I could never immerse myself in the tranquility of ocean waves.
"Axel."
I looked up to see my brother standing over me. He adjusted his slipping scarf as the rushing wind attempted to nibble his skin. His eyes reflected the ocean while his peacoat concealed the roaring embers of a full flame.
“Can I sit with you?” he asked.
“Yes.”
Huey sat next to me and glanced down at my feet barely floating above the wave’s edge. He let his feet fall next to mine and began caressing the ripples of water with his shoe.
“How long has it been?”
"Fifteen years." I sighed as another leaf fell in a ribbon towards the river.
"Is that so?" he replied with a small smile, "It hasn't felt that long."
I nodded.
"What's bothering you?" Huey asked. He placed a hand on my shoulder and the sound of waves echoed through my ears.
"I’m sorry you lost your family." I replied. The crisp wind blew my hair into my eyes. The strands fluttered before me like the wind of an icy storm.
“I didn’t. One of my brothers is at home playing piano and the other is here with me.”
I chuckled and watched more leaves drift through the sky. "You sound like Mom. She was always optimistic, always happy, always warm. I can hear her ocean in you...you would have loved her.”
We both sat in silence and listened to the wind shaking the trees. More warm leaves spiraled from the tall trunks and fluttered through the sky. I still longed to be as light as a feather, but I was still constricted.
“You’re old enough to go look for him,” I said, “if you’re still interested.”
“Lewis doesn’t mean anything to me.” The waves in Huey’s eyes began to grow higher and splash with ferocity. “I want to know Lewis as well as he knows me.”
Huey stared at the billowing river, the ocean in his eyes reflecting the perilous waves. I looked down at my hands, nervously twisting my wrists and prodding my palms. “When did you stop blaming yourself?” My heart beat increased as my insecurity pierced my chest like the icicles.
My words made him pivot to face me. The tranquil ocean became roaring embers.. “When I realized he was nothing but a mud puddle to stomp in on the sidewalk."
I held my breath as I looked up to the sky and watched the clouds soar by. I pictured Lewis towering above me and reaching towards my face with his claws of ice. I stared at the claws and the memories came flooding back. I remembered the day he left Huey and I. I remembered holding Huey back as he sobbed and tried to run to his only other relative. I remembered Huey pushing his food away the next morning, tears still rolling down his rosy cheeks. I remembered the icy pain of a blade in my heart as he betrayed us. The burning sensation of my memories surged through my veins, and as Lewis pressed his icy claws onto my face, they instantly melted into mud puddles.
I looked over at Huey to see him grinning at me. I smiled back and watched more leaves flutter to the water. My burdens had been melted by the embers and my uncertainties swirled in the mud puddles. I watched the current ripple through the river, and for the first time in fifteen years, I became a leaf dipping beneath the ocean.