“I wonder why people ask, ‘How old are you?’ instead of, ‘How young are you?’”

“Who knows, kid.”

“Or maybe, ‘How long have you lived?’ Yeah, that’s a good one. It’s like, in the middle. Less offensive. You never know what could offend people nowadays. At least, that’s what my papa says all the time. He always says that people are touchier now than they used to be. He says its because of the internet.”

“Your papa sounds like an asshat.”

“What’s an asshat? Is that a bad word? Don’t use bad words. Papa says using bad words is rude. Even though he uses bad words a lot. Mama calls him a Hippo-quit. I don’t know what that is. But I don’t want to be rude, so I’ll be using that from now on, you know, to make everyone happy. You won’t make the ladies angry because you’re asking how old they are instead asking how long they’ve lived. Although it might be kind of weird.”

“Do you ever shut up—”

“—So, yeah, since like, I’m nine, I would say that I’ve lived nine years. It sounds nice like that. Less offensive. I learned that word the other day in class. It means to make someone angry. Are you offended? I think old people get offended more easily than kids. Old people seem so mad. Say, how old — oops! I mean, how many years have you lived? You don’t look any older than twenty.”

“Too long, kid. Too long.”

“Oh. Does that mean you’re old?”

“No. Not really. I’m just tired.”

“Oh. Why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Papa says that when you’re tired, you should go to sleep. But you don’t look sleepy. You just look sad. Are you sad?”

“Yeah. I guess you can say that. I’m sad.”

“Oh. When I’m sad, I eat chocolate. It makes me feel better. I don’t have any chocolate I can give you right now, but if you come down from the ledge, you can buy some. I have a dollar you can borrow.”