The rumbling from the explosions shook the buildings that touched the skies. Dust was thick in the air, it made my light brown eyes water without an sign of stopping soon.  But yet it was quiet, maybe because the worst things are always silence or the fact that every soul was to frighten to make a noise. Everyone was shoving each other trying to get away from the few buildings that was still standing. Trying not to become the next victims of crashing down buildings that crushed anyone on the inside or outside.
Looking around as I got pushed by the crowded I saw a mother trying her hardest to protect her precious child from the pushing of men and women trying to selfishly save themselves.  But yet the whole time the child was not crying because the mother was whispering sweet nothings into the little girls ear to calm her down.  Seeing her made me think of my mom.
“Where is my mom?”  I thought to myself worried.  She was with me before the bombings happened but she was no where to be found.  With chaos on the city streets she could be anywhere. I opened my mouth to scream but nothing came.  It felt like I was screaming her name, even my throat felt like it was straining with the power I was putting into the yell. But it was as if my voice was on mute.  Turning to face the wave of panicking bodies I called for her again but heard an constant high pitched beeping that slowly stopped instead.  Pulling me away from the nightmare that has been haunting my dream for two weeks.
Opening my eyes I find myself back in an hospital bed sweating and breathing as if I ran a mile.  There was nurses and an doctor shouting on the other side of the room working quickly on the dying patient less than ten feet away from me.  The heart monitor has gone flat a long time ago suggesting that he was gone and might not be coming back.
“CLEAR!” the doctor yelled popping the veins in his neck while rubbing an defibrillator together.  The nurses around him backed away as the doctor placed the machine to the young mans chest.  After a few more tries the team gave up and pronounced his time of death at 6:45.  Leaving me alone with a dead body while they filled out paperwork that goes along with him before they can remove him for the room. 
This has been going on since I got here.  One after another patients died in every room of this hospital since the attack that hit most of the country.  So many deaths happened that no ones feels anything anymore when someone do die right across from you.  The new unwritten rule was to not get too attached to anyone. I feel so alone because every time I see someone die it’s like a part of me dies too.  How am I the only one that feels something now. Everyone is acting like its a part of life.  But we are going to a war head first. Already millions were injured, thousands was killed, and many more are missing.  This whole land that we used to call the capital of the world is now full of broken families and hearts including mine.
It was a such a clear beautiful day before the first bomb hit two weeks ago. The sky was a brilliant baby blue with a limited number of puffy clouds floating around in the air.  Plus there was only a slight breeze that would come by blowing my short light brown hair. In simpler terms it there couldn’t have been a better day.  Who would of thought that would be the day that everyone would change.  I would of never thought this was the day I lost my mother.
As I sat in the hospital’s uncomfortable bed waiting for the body across the room to be removed, I decide to wash up basically to get out of the room with the unbeating heart.  Getting out of the bed was a hard task with bruised ribs and a slight fracture on my right leg it was a very slow walk across the room to the tiny bathroom.  When I reached the bathroom I couldn’t  help but look in to the mirror.  I still looked like any other 19 year old boy about  5‘10 if I could stand up straight but you can say I’m a bit short compared to others.  Medium skin tone with light brown eyes thanks to my father whom died when I was still in diapers.  Topped with soft dark curly hair that was given to me by my mother.  My face had small scratches that started to heal and there was parts of my skin that was darker than the other because of bruises that are fading away slowing.  But what was worst was my eyes they lost the light they used to have.
After staring at what seemed to be an empty body for a minute or two I turned away hearing  nurse Jackson call my name.
“RYAN! Where are you?” She yelled.
Nurse Jackson is sweet old lady that has been working at the hospital for years or so im told.  Every time she came in my room I get nagged at because I was out of bed.  Plus with the hospital being so full with patients thats on the edge of life and death she is more than a little stressed out.
  I slowly stepped out the bathroom to face the enraged nurse and said, “Sorry I was just trying to wash up.”  Then started to slowly limped back to my bed.
After a deep sigh she came over to help me.  It feels pathetic that I need help walking such a small distance. Theres other people that is much worst than me but here she is aiding me back to an lumpy bed.
“How do you think you are going to get better if you're not allowing yourself to heal,”  She more like a statement then a question.  “You're going to hurt yourself.”
“By getting stronger, I need to join army so I can help out my country.  How am I supposed to save lives if I'm here in laying in a bed?”  looking down in my lap. I was trying my hardest from saying anything else but I couldn’t help it.  “The only reason why i'm hurt is because I wasn't strong enough in the first place and staying in this bed isn't going to help anyone. Not you, Not me, and not him” I said pointing to the still lifeless body that was still across the room. Putting my finger down I added, “Im done with lying down while others do the work for me. For now on I’m getting up and doing my part in the world.”
For the longest she just looked at me with a dumbfounded look on her face and I did the same.  I have never had an interest in the army or even thought about it before.  It was as if my mouth was on autopilot and that was just everything that came out before I could stop it. Did I even mean anything that I just said.
Very slowly that dumbfounded look turned to anger but instead of yelling at me yet again or asking a question that didn't need an answer she just stared.  And it felt like she was staring right into my soul and my inner feelings.  Folding her arms she opened her mouth to say something but instead closed it and repeated this action a few more times as if she was a fish out of water.  On the fourth of fifth try she gave up and looked at her beeper that has been going off for a while now and calmly left out of the door.   Leaving me in a dazzle that I put myself in.
At that moment a team of three came and and started to remove the body across the room.  They didn't say one word to each other not even making eye contact. You could tell that they did this too many times to count.  Their moments was so insync they didn't have to say anything to each other.  Working they moved the body from bed to an stretcher perfectly without any mistakes.  But with how they was working I couldn’t help but think if they was even acting like the boy was an person or just an item.  Or if they done this so many times it was no longer a boy to them and just an item I would never be able to look at something like they don't have a soul.  They soon left the room looking at the floor, moving on to the next soulless body they needed to collect.
So did I mean what I said to Ms. Jackson?   I thought to myself.  How could I join the army if i couldn't look at someone like an item and take their life?
Thinking about this only made my head hurt and didn't solve anything.  I dont think i could ever take do something as heartless as that but at the same time.  It could save someone elses.  Laying back down I decided to take a small nap to get rid of the headache I gave myself.
Fading away into the darkness once again finding myself in the crowd with worried faces trying to run away from the madness that surrounded us all.  The mother that was protecting her tiny child and the selfish man and women pushing against others.  While I was still screaming for my mother that was no where to be found.  Turning around in circles trying to get a glimpse of her was not helping seeing how im only 5’10 I could barely see over the tops of heads around me.  Catching a small break I saw her.  My mother was alive but running for her life in a zigzag pattern because she was getting pushed around by others.
“MOM!”  I screamed again at the top of my lungs and started to push against the non stop wave.  I found her I thought to myself and feeling a small smile slither its way through my lips. Which was soon lost thanks to an puff of fire and smoke coming up behind her slowly.  They one was screaming and trying to push there legs faster than what they was already going.  My mother was burned in the fire, I was lost in the smoked pushed to the side getting stomped on by one or two people before I started to black out.
Waking back up in the hospital all I could do is stare at the ceiling with tears trailing down from my eyes thanks to an unhappy memory that visits me every night.  After a few minutes of silently crying the door opened revealing nurse Jackson.  I quickly wiped my eyes and turned to my side not wanting her seeing me cry yet again.
“Ryan,” she said softly walking over to my bed and sitting down at my feet.
“Yes Miss Jackson?” I answer drly, trying not to let my voice wave.  Even though she probably already know I was crying.
“Did you really mean what you said, about getting stronger.”  Miss Jackson asked in a small voice.
Thinking back to it now my brain is saying no but my heart is screaming yes.  Even though I’m scared and don't even think I’ll be able to walk out of this alive.  I feel like this is the right thing to do.  Getting out of this bed and into the world to save someone in the future.
“Yes” I said simply more to myself then her.
“Then its settled I’ll get the paperwork for you to fill out before i come in tomorrow,”  she said getting off of my bed and heading to the door leaving quickly before I could even say thank you.