I Love You Too | Teen Ink

I Love You Too

July 27, 2014
By WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou


He runs to her side, eagerly jumping up on the bed. She smiles down on him, his childish face aglow, his mousy brown hair rumpled. She winces, the effort of a smile is too much for her. He frowns, a puzzled crease appearing between his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, concerned.
“Ah, sweetie,” she answers, grabbing his hand. “Mommy’s not going to be here much longer.” Her voice cracks and a tear trickles down.
“You’re going to get out of bed soon?” He questions excitedly. “But that’s a good thing. Why are you crying?” He reaches out his small finger and wipes away her tear.
The mother grips his hand harder and kisses it.
“I’m going far away,” she tells him, gazing into his perfect blue eyes, not able to bear the thought of losing him.
“Can I come with you? I wanna come with you!” the boy cries out.
“This is a long journey I must make alone,” She replies, playing with a curl of his hair.
“But you’ll get lonely,” he stares at her with his puppy eyes. “And I’ll miss you.”
It is too much for her. She buries her head in her hands and sobs. Carefully the little boy strokes her hair, wondering why she is crying. She pulls him in, weeping into his shirt. The strain of it is too much for her frail body, however, and she falls back on the pillow, exhausted.
“I love you,” she whispers to him.
When she doesn’t move, he tugs on her hand. “Can we go out and play before you leave?” he begs. There is no response. He tugs harder.
“Mommy? Mommy, wake up!” Now he is shaking her, pleading with her to get up.
“Why won’t you wake up?” he cries, laying his head on her chest.
“Please wake up,” he chokes, “I love you too.”



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This article has 8 comments.


Beila BRONZE said...
on Mar. 9 2015 at 2:07 am
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

The emotion is poignant, the child's voice is accurate, and the feeling of unbearable grief soars out to blanket the entire story in heartrending pain. This was physically hard to read to the end. I couldn't help thinking that somewhere, this boy is real....

MalaikaJ GOLD said...
on Nov. 25 2014 at 1:54 pm
MalaikaJ GOLD, Cloquet, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. - James Michener

This is beautiful! I love the part where he says, "But you'll get lonely". That sounds just like something a kid would say.

on Sep. 18 2014 at 7:18 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

thank you! Actually, I don't think I edited it at all...so i guess thank you double. Really, I love that you took time to read and review, and I greatly appreciate it

on Sep. 18 2014 at 11:58 am
AutumnMoon BRONZE, Lebanon, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We see our better selves in the eyes of those who love us." -Cassandra Clare

I really liked this article. You obviously spent time on editing and revising it because I couldn't find anything that needed to be fix. This story appealed to my emotions which is good for any fictional piece of writing. I look forward to reading your other works. Great job! 5/5

on Aug. 12 2014 at 6:41 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

Thank you! I am so glad that it was able to touch someone!

on Aug. 12 2014 at 6:40 pm
WritinGirl PLATINUM, DeKalb, Illinois
20 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~Maya Angelou

thank you so much! It means a lot!

on Aug. 12 2014 at 3:20 pm
kingofwriters BRONZE, DeWitt, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 196 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Books are a uniquely portable magic." - Stephen King

I love books, and I love technology, but I don't want to see the latter overwhelm the former. I just think books are meant to be pages you turn, not screens you scroll through.

That was painful to read...and I mean painful as in REALLY, REALLY good. Whenever I write, I always struggle with making the more emotional parts of my stories direct and concise; I always meander a bit and have to write these huge paragraphs that try to explain every single little detail. Here, you kept it brief and still retained lots of emotion, which I think is quite praiseworthy. Really good job with this! :)

on Aug. 12 2014 at 2:22 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

This was GREAT!  Amazing how much emotion you packed into such a short story!  The boy's innocent ignorance really pulls my heart-guts :*) Very well written!