STOP! STOP IT! I think, as they throw more and more words at me. It never ends. Just because my hair is a different color, and I wear different clothes. It's bad enough that my Dad and my Step-Mom fight all the time at home. She even abuses me, with her own words.

"you will never be worth anything. You'll end up just like your Mother! You C***"
The kids at school are just as bad. Never ending hate.

"Look, she knows how to eat with forks, What an amazing animal tamer!" One girl yells and the entire cafeteria laughs at me.


If only you knew me. If only you knew what it was really like to be me. If only. I feel so empty inside. Nothing is getting and everything is getting worse. I already cut. Why do they think I wear such different clothes and have never showed my arms. I have 3 suicide letters waiting for the big finalie. Who will notice ? I even make myself throw up. It doesn't hurt to loose a few pounds, right. It doesn't matter, it is not like they care any ways.

"She is so weird, who had the nerve to create such a, a, a THING!" they all giggle. Nothing I am not used to. I have heard it all before. What is wrong with me ? What is wrong with them ? Do they know what they do to me ? Of course they do. It's "FUN". They will never know what it is like to be on the other side of the wall that they built. It hurts so much. Why am I here ?

When I get home, I am going to do it. Pick up the razor and go deeper than normal. I will even sit in the bath tub. You can't stop it. The best part is, you don't even know.


Finally, the last bell rings and it is time for me to go home. Even though I want this , it is a little bit more scary once you have made the final decision. The bus ride home is a long one.

"Wow, she even has a house to live at!" They all laugh. Ha! Not for long.


Once I get off the bus, I walk into my house to find broken glass and my dad asleep, on the couch, drunk out of his mind. My Step-Mom is on the phone with one of her friends, crying. She Notices me," What ? Why don't you go clean something before I beat you." She yells. I hurry to the bathroom and open the shower curtain and run a bath of cold water. Run to my room and gather all 3 of my notes and put them on the counter, next to the best picture of me that I have. My razor is all in one piece so Ii step on it to expose the sharp pieces. I pick them up and I realize how shakey I am. I sit in the cold water and this is when I begin to cry. Not because I am scared, but because this is it. No more pain. I drag the blade across me and watch the life flow out of me. Cutting doesn't hurt on the outside, it hurts more on the inside. I put my arm in the water so the the eternal wound wont heal. And slowly, slowly, I begin to fall asleep.


I wake up in a strange place and I think, "is this the end?" But I see My Step-Mom sitting on my side holding the hand that doesn't have a miles worth of bandage on it. I don't hesitate to remove my hand from hers.


"What-" I was cut off.

"Why? Why would you do this?" she asked

"Are you really that blind? oh, wait, you didn't care to stop yelling at me to realize the damage you and a lot of others caused." I yell. Then my Dad walks in.

"I can't even begin to say, I'm Sorry. I should have paid more attention to what was going on with you and the things going on around you."

Then one of the girls that called me names walks in. My Dad looks at her and looks back at me.

"Hello, my name is Hannah and I am one of the girls who pushed your daughter to the edge. I can't explain how bad I feel. I don't feel guilt,-" My Dad cuts her off.

"You almost caused her death and you don't feel guilty?" My Dad asks disgusted.

"No Sir, I feel Remorseful, and that is much, much more worse than any guilt you ever felt. What I, and a bunch of other kids, did to her was an unexceptable action. It is even against our school policy. I did it because it made me feel powerful. Special even. But now I see what that did and I can't change the past. Before I leave I wanted to tell her that I am so sorry," she turns to look at me, "Nothing I can say can make up for what I did to you. I really thought about it and I realized that everyone was put here for a reason and an important reason. Everyone is special in their own special way. Nothing can make that reason any different. You are special. Even though I didn't show it, so many people care about you. weather you know it or not, That is all I have to say."

And with that she turned and walked away.

I know now that even though you may not feel like it, you are cared about by someone somewhere.


Bullying is NOT ok, and it is very hard for the victm. So before you throw a word out there, make sure it isn't the one that is going to push them to far.