Everything inside of me has been ripped out and stomped on. I lost the one thing I needed more than anything. I needed him and now he’s gone. He was torn from my arms. This torturing pain, that won’t seem to go away. I want my love back. I want my forever back. So this pain will cease to exist. So I can truly smile. Not those half ass torturing smiles that always grace my face. That isn’t real because there is so much pain behind it. The man I dreamed of being with forever. I have so much inner anguish. So many tears have been shed over this man. I mean I would definitely shed a million tears for him. I’d gladly do it in a heartbeat. I’d shed a million tears just to hold onto him again. So I can be with him when that time comes. I really cannot imagine my life without him completely. He is the love of my life. I will be with him again one day because he is my forever and it kills me to go a second without him but I had to do it for his sake. He needed time on his own to come to terms with how things will now be. He needed to recover. He didn’t need to have so much baggage on his shoulder. Especially after he just experienced something tragic. He‘s moaning and groaning in torture. Waiting for me just as I wait for him. Wait for the perfect moment. The time when we will be completely alone. So I can finally complete my task and be in his arms again.

“Are you coming?” I heard just like a whisper in the wind. I nodded smiling sadly. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of my mother’s footsteps as she entered her room and shut the door. I opened my eyes, turning to him with a grin.

“It’s time.” I said and it was his turn to nod. He turned away from me. I saw through him and out the window. I knew he didn’t want to watch. Though he knew it had to be done. It had to be done so we can be together again. I had to be quick before my mother notices her pills were missing. I had half the bottle of my mother’s sleeping pills. I quickly threw them in my mouth. Feeling them slide down my throat. Pushing passed each other for the win. Hitting the side of my throat. Feeling some of them almost gets stuck. Then while I was still fully functional, I took my knife and sliced it vertically up my arm. You go down the river not across it. Funny my mom taught me that. Who knew my mom would teach me anything. Let alone teach me how to kill myself. Thanks, mom. Very subtle ways of letting me know you want me to die. I laid back and closed my eyes. A feeling of relief started to cover my body. A feeling of piece and serenity surrounded me. A happiness feeling engulfed me. I had felt so accomplished. I began to slip away and before I was completely gone, I manage to grace my dying face with a true smile. It was done and over with. I “stood” over my lifeless body. Just lying there absolutely no brightness or life at all there. I only looked for a second and then I turned to look at my love, my all, my forever. He looked happier and his color was beginning to brighten. We would soon be at peace together. We slid perfectly into each other’s arms. The loving, amazing feeling was back. The feeling I knew all too well. We were holding on to each other tight. Tighter than I ever think we have before but it was time. We were fading away. We were going to our little piece of eternity.

We were together at last. I should be feeling happy and at peace right now. I had my forever back but why couldn’t I calm down. Why did I feel antsy? Maybe something was going to happen? Something bad and I couldn’t shake it off it was there and it wasn’t going anywhere. Sighing, I turned to look at him. He stared at me with worry. I smiled a happy smile reassuring him. So I smiled back at him. We were on our way to our little piece of eternity. So why couldn’t I just relax. Then I looked down and there I saw my lifeless body being held my mother. While my sister stood next to her. My best friend was there as well. Everyone else that I cared about was there. They were in so much pain. My mom was freaking out. She was now covered in my own blood. My best friend was holding my sister in attempts to soothe her but she was crying herself.

I keep telling myself they will understand one day and get over it. Move on and start a life where I’m not there. As much I loved them I wouldn’t be happy down there on her without him. I had to have my forever. They may hurt now but in a few weeks tops. They’ll be good as knew and forgotten all about me. They will see me again one day. Hopefully not any time soon. I needed my little eternity to be just us for a while and none of them are ready to die but why can’t I shake this uneasy feeling? Why does is feel like tears may threaten out of my eyes? I pulled him to me for comfort. Trying to remind myself this was for the best. I had to be with my love. They will get over it soon enough.

They never got over it though. They became depressed without her. They were completely heartbroken without her. Over the course of 10 years since she killed herself, her mother killed herself; her sister ended up in plenty of different foster homes ending up in an abusive household, her best friend couldn’t make it a year before drinking herself to death by getting into a drunken car accident. Her sister is still alive but isn’t really living a good life. She’s addicted to drugs and she works as a stripper.

She knew now that she was wrong. She felt so much pain knowing that they joined her all too soon. She killed herself over a boy. Who very may have been her forever but a forever she should have waited because she ruined the lives of her loved ones around her. Now she wishes she could go back in time and change what she had done because now it isn’t there little piece of eternity. It was now there little piece of pain and torture.