Wear the white pinnie on Monday and put it on the heap on the floor; wear the colored pinnie on Tuesday and hang it on the fence to air out; don’t forget plenty of sunscreen on a hot day; wrap your aching limbs in a hot pad; take off your sweaty clothes right when you get home; when buying cleats to wear on the field, make sure they have the right spikes on the bottom, because that way you will be able to play; pump up a ball enough before you use it; is it true that you listen to music in the locker room?; always pass the ball in such a way that it wont be intercepted; on Sundays try to play like a professional and not like the jokester you are so bent on becoming; don’t listen to music in the locker room; you mustn’t speak to the other team, not even to say sorry; don’t drink Juice on the field—ants will attack you; but I don’t listen to music at practice and never in the locker room; this is how you dribble the ball; this is how to pass the ball that you have just dribbled; this is how to make a goal when you see the other team coming and so to prevent yourself from looking like the jokester you are so bent on becoming; this is how you pack the balls so they don’t get flat; this is how you pack the cones so they don’t get flat; this is how you make a throw in—from behind your head, because throw ins have many rules; when playing on the field, make sure you get plenty of water or else it will make your head hurt; this is how you block a kick; this is how you block a player; this is how you block a goal; this is how you act after you lose a goal; this is how you act after you lose a game; this is how you act after you win a game; this is how you set up a goal kick; this is how you set up a corner kick; this is how you set up a game winning kick; this is how to behave in the presence of college scouts, and this way they wont recognize immediately the jokester I have warned you against becoming; be sure to practice every day, even if its for a couple minutes; don’t touch the ball with your hands; don’t curse on the field—you’re not an animal, you know; don’t acknowledge the crowd—you might get distracted; don’t throw punches at the other team, because you could get a red card; this is how to position yourself; this is how to position your team; this is how to position the other team; this is how to position both teams before you make a goal; this is how to make a slide tackle; this is how to bend the rules of slide tackling, and that way you wont get a foul; this is how to contact a scout; this is how a scout contacts you; this is how to get a captain spot; and if this doesn’t work there are other ways, and if they don’t work don’t feel too bad about giving up; this is how to kick the ball up if you feel like it; this is how to move quick so that it doesn’t hit you in the head; this is how to win a game; always talk to the college scout to make sure you get a spot; but what of the scout wont give me a scholarship?; you mean to say that after all you are really going to be the kind of player who the scout wont want on his team?