Romance is taking a devastating hit in the City of Angels, Los Angeles, California. Relationships that have been evolving for hours, days, and even weeks, are put to the test every year on Valentine’s Day. New couples – still in their passionate, honeymoon phase – suddenly find the flame of love extinguished. Husbands come home from work on this fateful day, to find all their clothes scattered across the yard, tossed out the window by an angry spouse. And instead of being greeted with chocolates and flowers, wives are only met with irritable husbands demanding dinner be put on the table. Valentine’s Day, once the most romantic day of the year, is now the most dreaded. The cause of this love quarrel? Traffic. Lots and lots of traffic.
Even Los Angeles Chief of Highway and Interstate Control, Thomas D. Lays, notes that as traffic in overpopulated metropolitans, such as Los Angeles, continues to grow, traffic jams will continue to worsen and prevent many individuals from reaching their designated destinations on time. Cupid is no stranger to this traffic ordeal, but even his business is starting to suffer. In the midst of a hectic work schedule, couples count on Valentine’s Day to sit down to a romantic dinner or cuddle up to watch a movie. But soon they notice something’s wrong. The “spark” in their relationship is missing. Where’s Cupid to shoot his infamous arrows and reignite said “spark,” you ask? Unfortunately, these couples’ 5 o’clock date night coincides with LA rush hour, and not even Cupid’s ruby red Lamborghini can outdrive that.
Today’s fast-paced society requires a fast-paced God of Love. The days of leisurely flying to every couple’s home and shooting them up with romance are over. Nowadays, it’s much more convenient for Cupid to zip by in his specially designed sports car and rapidly fire arrows into the homes of every couple. At least, that was the most convenient method. Driving your own car has replaced the good old days of riding the trolley and walking to work for everyone. In Los Angeles alone, there are almost 1.5 million working individuals, and among those, about 1 million drive to work alone. This leviathan workforce, coupled with inadequate highways, spells disaster for couples in love.
“It’s impossible for me to get anywhere anymore,” rages Cupid. “I try to beat the traffic, but it’s never-ending! By the time I finally reach just one couple’s house, their Valentine’s date is over, and the man is fast asleep on the living room couch.”
Worse, the heavy traffic has taken a toll on Cupid’s well-being, causing him stress and anxiety, which, in turn, are affecting his aim. His arrows have been sporadically landing all over the place, missing their designated targets entirely. Just ask Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, or Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries. They know all too well the heartbreak that accompanies a misfired arrow. And with the struggling economy and his rapidly diminishing clientele, Cupid has no means of hiring new employees to help him in his effort to spread love around the world. The lack of quick transportation and understaffing has led fairy sociologists to assume the worst: continually expanding traffic jams in Los Angeles, and other similar heavily populated cities, are causing higher divorce rates. Each year Cupid becomes less and less available to couples; his aid will no longer be there to save their relationships. And the bad news may not stop there. Industry rumors say that as divorce rates continue, the population will decline because fewer people end up having children. This may put Cupid out of a job indefinitely since that means fewer future couples to shoot.
Yet there is still hope. One possible way to slow divorce rates and reignite the “spark” in the lovers’ world is to increase public transportation. More people taking a bus, trolley, subway, or even simply carpooling to work would decrease the number of drivers on freeways, opening up the lanes enough to allow Cupid to cruise by and pass on the love that many couples require to stabilize their relationships. Although the stress from intense traffic jams has already taken a health toll on both Cupid and the recipients of his arrows, a rejuvenation is still possible.
However, if more couples do end up divorcing and the population declines, there will eventually be fewer drivers on the road and traffic will diminish significantly, making traffic jams a thing of the past. So perhaps there is a bright side to a loveless world after all.