I've spent my whole life just trailing along behind everyone. Everyone's always been several steps in front of me and there's no way I can possibly catch up. In 7th Grade, everyone changes social and mentally. You do whatever it takes to survive, let alone fit in. I was that one kid who went from having all the friends in the world to have none, just like that.

Now, the stuff they teach you in middle school is nothing like its going to be in high school. They teach you stuff you barely need to know and then when you get to high school they say you should have learned something else. I was a solid B student and when I hit high school I had no I had no idea what I was doing and dragged along with a 50% average.

High school was crap out here in Virginia. Which is an ironic name because by high school, no girls in Virginia were virgins. Anyways, I has no friends and I just stopped trying after my teacher made an oath to hate me. They would always pick on me, no matter what I did. The kid behind me starts talking and all the sudden it's “Jake! No talking! Go to the office!” A guy falls down in the cafeteria near me and it's “Jake! You're suspended!”

Now at first I would take the punishments like a man and ignore the s*** they were throwing at me, but by 10th Grade, I just started standing up for myself. Wanna know how that went... They gave me s*** for talking back.

I continue to trail along in school as the years go by and by 12th Grade, a miracle happens and her name was Emma Jacobs. She was the newest student and the prettiest girl I had ever lied eyes on. Math comes around and she gets put right next to me, first day. We had tons of homework so I asked if she wanted to do it together and that was the start of the only thing that made me happy.

Since that day we hung out all the time. After a week I asked her to be a girl and she said yes. I had never been so happy but all of that was gonna change... About a month later I got home and my parents are yelling even louder than usual, my mom walks towards the door with suitcase I hand and she opens the door slowly. I ran upstairs to avoid watching, my father has a temper and I could almost predict the result of this fight.

I could hear my dad stomp across the floor and my mother scream. I poked my head out of my room. My mother was on the floor and my father stood at the door yelling non-stop vulgar terms at her as he slammed the door. The whole house shook and my father grabbed her by the arm and shook her around. I went back in my room and sat pressed up against the door as my father went to the office. He open and closed it with a slam and stomp back over to the hall where my mother sat terrified.

There was a loud “BANG” and a shriek from my mother. About half an hour later the police showed up and took my father away. The neighbours heard the shot and called them. They offered me a place to stay but I refused. I couldn't bring myself to leave.

The next day I came to school and met up with Emma who looked depressed. I hugged her tightly and told her to tell me what was on her mind. She sat me down on a bench and held my hand tightly. She started by saying I'm sorry... I knew that it couldn't be good for me or her, I held her hand tighter and hugged her, hoping that she wouldn't say what I thought she was gonna say. She pushed me away lightly and tears began to well up in her cloudy blue eyes, She wiped her tears and spoke in a quiet sorrowful voice. “I'm moving to Vancouver... Tomorrow...

My heart was ripped into a million pieces at that very moment. I felt like yelling crying or maybe both but I knew it was hurting her too, so I tried to stay strong. The tears began to slid down her cheeks and I held her in my arms for maybe hours. I hated that she was leaving but, I loved her and that's why I needed to let her go...

The next day, her stuff was packed and I watched as she drove away. The love of my life gone forever and now my life was truly meaningless. Even after her car was far out of sight I stood in the middle of her driveway and cried. When I was sure she was gone, I walked home. I sat in the silent, empty space of my house for hours, thinking about what I could have done to change everything, but realized I couldn't have done anything, not for my mother or my relationship with Emma. I was suddenly hit with a wave of sadness and broke down in crying. Everything was gone, there was nothing left for me anymore.

Without a second thought I ripped out a piece of paper and began writing about how everything in life was just minor disappointments, leading to the end of all happiness. I wrote down all about my love for Emma and how there was nothing left to be happy about or even any reason for me to still be alive.

I ended it with... “Now there will be no more suffering...”

I sealed it and signed it to Emma. When she gets it and becomes worried I want her to know that there was nothing that could have been done and that it was going to happen eventually. I'm going to end it, I’ve decided this already. By the time Emma reads it I will have committed the act. Now bye... Because I'm gonna make sure that there will really be...

No More Suffering