The steam from the chicken soup wafted up and kissed my face with moist lips. I inhaled with a quirk of my lips. Nothing better than a bowl full of Momma’s homemade chicken soup when your nose is running. I lifted a spoonful to my mouth and slurped greedily like a camel who hadn’t seen water in days. The bowl was emptied in under a minute and I let out this huge after-meal sigh. I brought the spoon up to my lips one last time to lick off the excess but my tongue didn’t touch metal, it touched something that was drenched in soup with an underlying taste of nothing. I picked up the yellow stained notebook paper and laughed.

Hope you get better soon.
-J

That was so like J. Me and him weren't talking right now but he always believed laughter was the cure to everything, and he’d go out of his way to make everyone who had touched his life laugh. I thought I had become the exception, but to J there never were any exceptions.
A girl could never hold onto a guy long enough to prove to the world nice guys could finish first. I was the girl that would walk past J on my way to chess club, he’d stare but I payed no attention, too afraid that if I looked my heart would soar. I was afraid of love so I was afraid of him. I’d known him over the years but I had just started to grow into my curves and he wasn't the only one who noticed. After awhile I realized J was the only one with good intentions and agreed to go on one date with him. Our first date was at the arcade just down the street from the school. I thought it’d be lame and thought about canceling but I never go back on my word. He was the perfect gentleman and picked me up at six on the dot. My daddy gave his little nod of approval I believe nobody but J would’ve gotten. When we left I told J my daddy liked him and an entire smile lit up his face. I remember that smile; it started out small and grew until the tips of it touched his eyes. That smile lasted the entire night and had only slightly dimmed by the time he dropped me off an hour later. I didn’t get any sleep that night. I was acting like a girl in love and replayed the whole night over and over. He hadn’t kissed me goodnight but in my fantasies he did.
Our second date was our last planned-ahead date. He wanted to teach me how to snowboard but he didn’t know how much balance I lacked; it took a lot of work for me to just stand up straight without tilting. But he was not discouraged and on the first time down he held my hand only to plow fast first into a pile of flakes. He stood up laughing and that’s when I realized it’d take a real hurricane to scare him off, he wasn’t going anywhere.
All the dates that followed were spontaneous-pick-me-up-at-any-time dates. He’d get this look in his eye and just start driving without letting me know where. One time we drove all the way to the ocean and back before anyone started to miss us. He hated those dinner and a movie dates and refused to take me on one even if I begged. All I wanted was to live one of the great love stories but he wasn’t having it, he’d tell me over and over it’s better to write your own than live someone else’s.
If I had one regret about the entire relationship it would be that I ended it. The first sign that the night was going to go sour was that J took me to dinner. I thought nothing of it at the time but now looking back I can see how stupid I really was. His smile lacked luster and his eyes lacked life. He offered to take me to a movie and I was happier than I’d ever be to go on a real high school date with my boyfriend. I don’t remember the movie, all I remember was that it was one of them cheesy romance ones that had everyone in tears by the end. I was no exception; I sat in the back row blubbering like a baby with J’s hand anchoring me emotionally. He didn’t try to make me laugh, which was the second sign. It was the only sign I needed to know something was up and immediately jumped to a conclusion. I accused him of everything under the sun and he just sat there like I was the crazy one. Then he said those two words that changed everything, “I enlisted.” Those four syllables left me blind and breathless. I guess mine, like all great romances, had to come to a bitter end.
J didn’t come after me when I ran shaking like it was the middle of December. I was gone, emotionally and physically, jumping over rain puddles and dodging couples under umbrellas.
I guess the universe wanted me to have a souvenir of that day because I caught a cold. J never did try to visit me but I’d hear his voice downstairs talking to my momma and the note proved my suspicions.
She came up a little while later with her dish cloth in hand and just stood there. “He’s shipping out tonight.” I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. As quickly as she came she left and I was alone with my bubbled up emotions. The reality of it all had finally shined through and my emotional dam cracked. No matter how crappy I was feeling then I never regretted meeting J. He taught me taking a risk was worth it and that’s what he was, a risk.
That wasn’t even the worst of it all. After a few days they couldn’t find J. No body, no nothing he was just MIA. Everyone else acted like he was dead but I wouldn’t let myself. I’d make up little stories that would get me through the day, like that he had found the lost ones’ underground camp and they were hashing out a plan to make it home before supper.
After that I held no interest in the outside world. If J was stuck underground all this time who was I to deserve fresh air? I refused to go to the funeral because they didn't get it, J wasn't dead he was off being a hero.
My momma and daddy started to bubble wrap everything they told me. I learned they had found J’s body three months after they had done it. My stories cracked and I lost it, my entire room was just a pile of stuff by the time I was done with it.
The only person who was brave enough to come visit me was J’s little brother Johnny. One visit he stepped over all the mess without a word. He had a small, plain, white box in his hand. There was one thing in that box but that one thing became my life force. Laid neatly inside were J’s dog tags. When I touched them it was almost like J was there with me, making a joke and swearing everything would be okay. I wore them close to my heart and they gave me sanity.
When Johnny left I ventured out of my room on frail legs for the first time since I heard the news. My momma came over and squeezed me in a hug. Everything only got better from there. I took a GED class and finally graduated high school. I went to a community college and started out thinking I was gonna be an engineer but switched last minute to counseling. I began as a marriage counselor but then a school hired me and I liked that much better.
I’ll tell any girl to give love a chance because the gain is much greater than the risk. J’s dog tags stay over my heart and I only take them off to get them polished. I’ve helped students overcome everything from heartbreak to their parents’ deaths and I’ll share my personal story with anyone who wants to hear it. I haven’t quite healed enough to get back on the horse but I bet I will eventually and J will be with me the entire time giving me his blessing.
Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about J and wondering what would’ve happened if I hadn’t of ran off that day. I had found his hurricane.
I visit J every Wednesday just to get through the week. One time I met one of his army buddies, we didn't say much but he gave me a little like he knew who I was. It helped to know J had someone other than me who didn't want to forget. He was my metamorphose and he turned me into a beautiful butterfly.