Thorton Gerard Mourns a Loved One

At precisely eight o’ seven pm, Tuesday the twenty fifth of May, Mr. Thorton Gerard, more commonly known as Thor G., suffered an innumerable loss. For at this unfortunate time in his recent history, Thor G.’s cellular device moved on to be in “a better place.”

The apparent cause of death was work exhaustion, and failure in revitalizing its failing energy life. Thor G. states that he feels partially responsible for his loved one’s death, for he often overlooked the blatantly obvious warnings that his cell phone desperately sent him to convey its quickly waning life span.

“Of course I saw the flashing lights, and heard the insistent beepings. How could I not?” Thor. G said, somewhat defensively. “But I thought he was just being generally temperamental, and slow to work. Which is much to be expected, isn’t that how all young things are? I didn’t know he was sending me serious pleas for help. He often said he needed to just get away from things to recharge his battery, but he was just too important to me. He was so important in my life…” at this point, Thor G. breaks down into silent sobs. “How can I carry on without him? He made me feel so connected, he was my lifeline, my work companion, my entertainer… life won’t be the same without him.”

Mr. Thor G. continues to mourn the death of his cell phone. He seems to take its loss pretty hard. “With him gone, how can I even hope to help the now defenseless birds regain their eggs from the monstrous pigs? How can I inform the world what I like and don’t like? And how can I endanger my life daily by using him to send relatively pointless messages to my friends while driving?” Thor G. says in quiet anguish. “Most importantly, who will I turn to as a distraction when I’m trying to look busy and important, when I’m really just bored, or want to subtly ignore someone?” He continues. “Now I might actually have to watch the movie, instead of texting or loudly discussing with a friend how good or bad the movie is. The horror!” Mr. Thor G. now faces the arduous task of facing real life, instead of staring at his beloved’s face all day. Many others could sympathize with these tragic losses, but none may fully understand until they themselves were disconnected from the artificial world.

Despite his aforementioned lamentations, Thor G. maintains a positive outlook on both death arrangements, and his cell phone’s place in the afterlife. Thor G.’s cell phone was generously donated to those who needed it, for it was a certified parts donor. Thor G. feels good in the fact that his cell phone can remain useful, even after its death. And as for its place in the beyond, Thor G. feels that it is in a better place. “In life, he was a lowly, yet faithful Nokia. Perhaps in death he can become the Iphone he always aspired to be.

Although Thor G.’s loss is devastating and life changing, he feels that he will soon be able purchase a new cellular device, even though he feels he can never replace it. However, he feels that he must move on and obtaining a new one is the next step on the road to recovery. With careful consideration, and the proper work and entertainment value, Mr. Thor G. may eventually find love in a new cell phone.