It is to my great displeasure to inform the public of the growing nuisance plaguing our high schools. Boys with too little brain cells to properly converse with females are causing distress class-wide. These young women are distracted from tasks that really make a difference; their school work and their future are postponed until they escape the rude words from the boys.

I believe that it is widely accepted that cat calls from the male sex are degrading and demeaning in many aspects. The scandalous slurs that slither from the mouths of men leave those hearing them debased. Any productive activities that could have been seamlessly conducted by the hands of the insulted girl are severely impeded. These males need to be turned into respectable gentlemen who serve and venerate those of the opposite sex, the females.

The government has taken no part in the restraining of the chatter boxes owned by the lesser gender. Teachers, principals and school boards have focused on frivolous and inconsequential issues such as learning curriculums and the general education of students. Its preposterous for the topic of male insolence to be neglected.

Of all of the teenagers within this high school, nearly half of them, fifteen hundred to be exact, are considered boys. Each and every male has uttered some sort of reproachful phrase directed at one of their female classmates. From the fifteen hundred males, approximately one thousand have verbally attacked and ruined the lives of the helpless teen girl.

I am assured that it is plausible for a bloke of any IQ to carry out domestic employment at the advantage of young ladies.

I hereby propose the simplest of plans to the Broward County School board, the mere distribution of young men across this district into indentured servitude. Of course, their specific jobs would vary depending on their strengths and weaknesses.

The average male, when forced, is moderately inept at following orders. This makes the unexceptional boys perfect candidates to be common slaves.

Acknowledging the paucity of worth of boys, it would cost less than a single United States dollar to purchase the worthless slaves from the nearest market. Those with psychological or physical deformities are further discounted because of the issues they may incur.

Those who are unable to perform the menial labor of an enslaved being, the city of Coral Springs would be greatly benefitted by new manhole covers. The roads are old and need extreme renovation, however the cost of repaving the roads would be excessive. An elementary solution would be to shape the men into the cracks in the road, easily solving the problem of uneven roadways.

I have become distracted from my main topic. I now must speak of the great convenience of the new uses of the teenage boy.

First of all, as I had previously mentioned, this would greatly benefit the feminine sex. The dramatic increase in respect they would receive would create beneficial results for all people of the world.

Secondly, there would be a higher level of morality in the boys because they finally have something to live for.

Thirdly, the entire fifteen hundred males required the attention of any and all bystanders when referencing about a woman's gluteus Maximus or her curvaceous chest. But if this plan is set in motion, the time of the innocent bystanders would no longer be wasted, for they will be too busy putting skid marks on their deformed bodies in the road.

Fourthly, females would have easier access to a reproductive partner without having to go through the strife of mixed messages and competition. Fifthly, men would be suppressed enough to make proper, obedient husbands when ready. Gradually, the boys would turn entirely submissive to the female population.

After all, I am not so dedicated to my suggestions that I cannot be open to other possibilities. Many other advantages of turning males from the ages of fourteen until eighteen into personal punching bags could change women’s lives forever. When dealing with menstruation, women have pent up anger towards nearly everyone. This anger can be directed towards a slave through many humane outlets. Hearing their screams from a furnace could be rewarding enough for the girl to return to her usual content state. Likewise, feeding them slowly to sharks, bloodthirsty wolves and/or polar bears would likely end in spectacular terminations of the inferior sex.

I concede that it is not my first goal to encourage the enslavement of heathens. I only instigate this cause to profit the state and all school systems in these United States of America. I have no personal affiliations with men of the teenage variety, for my only known relationships with boys are with my father and my brothers, who fail to converse with me unless necessary.