Hang yourself from a tree. Let your eyes gloss over. But before you do remember…there is no coming back from the dead. As your last breath escapes your lips you will see the faces of all the people who would have done anything for you if you had only asked.
Maybe you will bleed out.
A bathtub filled halfway beckons you, the steaming water awaits you. You bring the stainless steel blade across your wrist over and over. Then you hit a vein. You bleed uncontrollably into the water. The water keeps your blood from clotting. The blood drains from your body. Your life. The pain, noises around you come together as one distorted sound, a child’s laughter. It’s you. So happy and so very free. It makes you wonder where you could have gone wrong.
Or maybe you will be lying on the bathroom floor with an empty pill bottle in your hand. The world around you spins into a tornado of images, memories all jumbled up. The last thing you recognize is the sweet smell of home. You smell your mum’s perfume. Musty roses, its sweet aroma makes you feel guilty, she loves you so much and you let her down again. You lay there inhaling the unmistakable scent of bleach. You find it calming it’s always been.
Of course you've never been very good at swallowing pills. So you might try something a little more intense. Standing in the garage, you have your daddy’s rifle in your mouth. You play with the cold tip with your tongue. The taste of iron reminds you of when you were six; sitting on you dads lap as he pulled out your first tooth. Your mouth fills with the sweet metallic taste of blood. You try to pull away but he assures you it’s almost out. Then just like that he is holding your tiny tooth in his fingers…your standing in the garage with you daddy’s rifle in your mouth. You close your eyes and pull the trigger, BANG! It’s over. It’s done. But then again you know deep down inside your tormented soul you could never actually do it.





The last thing you could try is jumping off a bridge. You’re sitting on the edge the cold air nipping at your face. You look over the side the wind against your face is a premonition of what it will feel like when you set yourself free. The sun is just starting to come up. It has turned the sky a pinkish blue color. You scramble up to your feet looking over the side again; you fish around in your pocket for the suicide note you spent all night trying to write. It only has two things on it. “Dear Mom and Dad” and your name printed at the bottom. You let the wind rip it from your fingers. You turn to look at your world for the last time. You try to blink back the tears but they come anyway. You are going to do it. There is nothing left for you here. You jump. You close your eyes but the air finds its way in any way. It burns. Seconds before you hit the water you feel this strange warmth. Something almost forgotten. It made you regret jumping. But you jumped knowing there was no change of turning back that’s what you wanted. When you hit you feel nothing. It killed you almost instantaneously. Your parents will soon find out what has happened. It will tear them apart. They didn't even know you were hurting.
They didn't even know you were cutting. At times it seemed they didn't even know you at all. But then again you never gave them the chance to. They tried but you pushed them away. You thought they would not understand you. You were scared to the point of insanity. Which in result; drove you to take your own life. But right before you did you learned life’s greatest lesson you are loved. It’s the one thing that keeps us moving forward when things fall apart. But it’s also the thing that brings us to our knees begging for mercy. In the end was dying really worth it?