The Descent | Teen Ink

The Descent

April 27, 2013
By E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments

The darkness comes and swirls around me. The black billowing clouds engulf everything. I feel it tugging at my soul. It saps the happiness and joy from my lungs and leaves pain and sorrow within my heart.

In the corner I see death, his robes as black as a moonless night. Underneath his hood I see the wretched remains of a face. His eyes taunt me as I search for them inside their once warm residences. Still, I see nothing, only the absence of human kindness.

He raises his skeletal hand over my form. I feel its full power looming over me. I sense its crushing force.

Then down, down I fall into the never ending abyss. The walls move in, in until they slice open my skin on their jagged edges. The blood flows from my veins, into the open air. As it hits the walls which summoned it, I see the liquid turn to spark, then to flame. The fire’s red teeth lunge at me. They quickly gain ground. It comes closer, closer, closer, and closer still.

Then my legs erupt with searing pain. The red hot, rusty knives carve into my body. I scream and scream, but it does not help. It seems as if my howls are as silent as the darkest bowels of hell.

Finally I fall into the mystic waters which I have fought so long to create within myself. My legs are no longer tattered pieces of meat, but strong limbs which are now fit to carry me one thousand miles. I swim from the island of solitude back to the lands I once called home. Five days in all until my flesh once again felt the solid sand.

Indeed I was back, but I would never be the same.


The author's comments:
This is about the impact of death, and the slow recovery from it.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 16 comments.


on Jul. 13 2013 at 12:57 pm
nelehjr DIAMOND, Lingle, Wyoming
60 articles 11 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Well that was quite interesting. I loved your use of imagery but I didn't quite understand all the metaphors...I'm not that great with metaphors anyhow.

on Jun. 3 2013 at 5:08 pm
BlackbeltJames GOLD, Reading, Other
14 articles 0 photos 193 comments

Favorite Quote:
Isaac Asimov - "Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.”

A very interesting piece; I liked how abstract it was, it made it even more intriuging. The imagery was very clever and imaginative, giving it a clear but unique description.
The concept was intelligent and provokes the imagination. The text also inflicts a personal element to the reader as death touches everyone as it is a natural thing, and a philosophical question. This is a very clever piece, but at times the flow of the piece does stop, although it is not a poem, it would give it a greater impact to the reader. :)

on May. 30 2013 at 11:47 pm
BookNerd35 GOLD, Herod, Illinois
10 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
There are so many people out there who will tell you that you can't. What you've got to do is turn around and say, 'watch me.' -unknown

Good job! I enjoyed this story, it kept me entertained.

on May. 18 2013 at 6:14 pm
KenyaLove41 GOLD, Dallas, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Nothing is Impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible!'" ~ Audrey Hepburn
"Good writing is only bad writing revised"~ Unknown

 Sorry I wasn't done with this. I have a little more to say! "Then down, down I fall into the never ending abyss. The walls move in, in until they slice open my skin on their jagged edges. The blood flows from my veins, into the open air. As it hits the walls which summoned it, I see the liquid turn to spark, then to flame. The fire’s red teeth lunge at me. They quickly gain ground. It comes closer, closer, closer, and closer still." Quite honestly this part didin't make any sense maybe it's just me and I'm reading too fast but this part lacked the clarity of the beginning. It was like you doing really well i the beginning and then that momentum slowly started to fade and the story became jumbled and confusing. I'm also curious as to what exatly you are trying to say about death? How it affects the people who are still living and having to stand by and watch it cary out its destructive plans? If you could focus on what your message is it would make your story a lot clearer!

 

on May. 18 2013 at 6:08 pm
KenyaLove41 GOLD, Dallas, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent." ~Ambrose Bierce
"Nothing is Impossible, the word itself says 'I'm Possible!'" ~ Audrey Hepburn
"Good writing is only bad writing revised"~ Unknown

Hey there! Overall this was a solid piece. The vague surroundings and nice imagery gave me the sense that this was more poetic than narrative. There was several parts that do need work. "In the corner I see death..." Okay two things here since this is sort of an abstract piece I would recommend that you take out the "in the corner" part. It interrupts the flow and doesn't go with everything else. Secondly, if you're going to personify death then I suggest that you capitalize it.  

on May. 17 2013 at 3:27 pm
GuardianoftheStars GOLD, Shongaloo, Louisiana
17 articles 0 photos 495 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Let's tell young people the best books are yet to be written; the best painting, the best government, the best of everything is yet to be done by them."
-John Erslcine

The descriptions were breathtaking! I really liked them the best about this particular peice.  It was very good. :)  I rated it 5 stars!!

on May. 11 2013 at 11:35 am
BeccyFxx BRONZE, Harrogate, Other
2 articles 2 photos 21 comments
This is really good - I love the imagry! One thing I would say though if I was being reeeaallyy critical, is that you say at the begining that "the black billowing clouds engulf everything" but then in the next paragraph you say "in the corner". Maybe instead you could say "through the dark fog, I see death" or something like that. Hope I helped!

on May. 8 2013 at 10:51 pm
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments
Thanks a bunch! I designed it to sound a bit like a darker poem, because the inspiration came from Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven. I also kept the beginning vague on purpose. My hopes were that the reader would merge the narrator's environment with their own.

on May. 8 2013 at 9:06 pm
AugustSummerFling PLATINUM, Mylapore, Chennai, Other
36 articles 0 photos 265 comments

Favorite Quote:
'For you, a thousand times over.' - Hassan, The Kite Runner

A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit.

Hey E.J. :) good job! I some home felt that with a little editing this piece would better suit to be a free verse. The scenes were vivid and full of dark shades. The beginning was a bit vague. Is this an excerpt from a longer piece that you're writing? The imagery was great. Good job n keep it up!

on May. 6 2013 at 10:11 pm
agneumeyer BRONZE, Charleston, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yotsuba is invincible."

Excellent piece, a true sketch rather than a story. This is not a bad thing at all, as it is a damn good sketch. Heavy theming and imagery, and a bit of subversion of typical description of torture. Also, I liked the part with the dolphins.

on May. 6 2013 at 10:05 pm
agneumeyer BRONZE, Charleston, Missouri
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yotsuba is invincible."

Fantastic work, one of the only stories on Teen Ink that I would describe as more of a sketch than a full blown story, and a damn good sketch at that. Great use of imagery, and while at first it seems like another exercise in torture fantasy, it soon shifts into heavy and deep theming. I like the part with the dolphins.

on May. 5 2013 at 8:32 pm
PotterWhoLocked GOLD, Montclair, Virginia
13 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Wednesdays are limbo days. Monday is the beginning of the week, Tuesday is getting used to it, Thursday is looking forward to Friday and Friday is getting ready for the weekend. Wednesdays aren’t really anything in particular. They’re just there.”

Wow, this is a really good piece of writing. The imagery and choice of words id great. I think the only thing that could make it better would be to vary the sentence structure a little more, but other than that this is a brilliant work.

on May. 3 2013 at 10:20 am
BorderlineGenius777 SILVER, Lewiston, Idaho
7 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone must take an equal portion, most would be content to take their own and depart."- Socrates

Sir, I quite enjoyed this piece. It is truly a work of art to be reckoned with, and it holds true to feelings we have all felt at one time or another. You put those feelings into words with a near perfect fluidity rarely seen in writing today. Wonderful sir, wonderful.

on May. 1 2013 at 7:20 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 425 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

Really, amazing.  Your word choice blows me away.  This is really a great description of those all-too familiar feelings.  Exceptional imagery, and....you know, everything else too :)

on Apr. 30 2013 at 3:47 pm
Wings10FeetTall GOLD, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
17 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
May your words be sharp.
- Christopher Paolini


Nobody's going to wait for you, so do it now.
-Ingrid Michaelson


Broken hearts heal, but never the same.
- Jessica Romo

Idiots rely on luck.
-Sherlock Holmes

This is brilliant! I loved it. This is exactly the kind of thing that I like reading.

on Apr. 30 2013 at 3:44 pm
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD, No Where, Florida
10 articles 0 photos 444 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” –David Letterman

I love all the imagery in here! This is absolutely beautiful.