As it was anticipated that I was going to talk to you all here, in preparation of doing so, I questioned as to what should constitute my speech which would be presented. I was told I should appeal to a young audience, one of very little understanding of complex propositions, and would require great difficulty to elongate their attention spans. I have many ideas of which I am eager to share with you, some more prevalent than others, which I find to be the most persisting and most valued. I will start off, first, by telling you all…
Always violate the rules, both when an authority figure is watching, and while they are not. This is always a virtuous idea as it allows you to recognize your position in society, that is, at the very top. With this in mind, why would you abide by any rule set for you by someone who is inferior to you, that is, in both life experience and cognizance of what is morally right, as opposed to wrong. During art class, when your teacher clearly seems to believe he or she is the authority figure, and orders that you express yourself exclusively on the paper given to you, show him or her who is boss, and let your imagination transfer from thoughts, to realistic describes on the walls. By doing so, this embeds in your young minds that you are independent, and do not have to follow the rules merely because you do not feel like it. When your teacher tells the class that it’s time to leave the art room and to get into a single-file line to walk through the hallways, walk as alienated away from the class as you can, and have your friends to do so also. Lets face it, teachers always seem to believe we need to practice our math skills, therefore there is no harm in making them count us in a more difficult manner, as we are walking sporadically from each other.
In addition to repeatedly disobeying rules set forth for you, always disobey any consequences inflicted on you as well. What good could come out of one being put in “time out?” You were not told to stay inside during recess as the outdoor jungle gym is closed to you, solely because you have lost your privileges due to your refusal to stay quiet during a lesson on addition and subtraction. Even if you were told you could not participate, rebel and do so anyway, as the teacher would be delighted to completely erase your previously insolent behavior. It is up to you, the Elementary schoolers of society, to compel both, teachers and parents, to recognize that consequences are ineffective, as they will not foster any positive changes from the child.
Always play rough, -- this is very much appreciated by authority figures. A plethora of activities, such as wrestling and boxing, are great ways to get to know your classmates, and if you cannot wait to do so, feel free to begin a wrestling match in the middle of the classroom, and involve as many children as possible. Teachers advocate roughhousing and do not have the slightest concern that someone could potentially get hurt. It is important to grow up to be aggressive, and angry individuals, therefore it is essential to wrestle, or fight, for example, in order to solve problems in society.
Now, on a more serious note, never clean up after yourself. You want to be very careful about maintaining a sufficient level of filth on you, as well as around the classroom, at all times. Take a minute to ponder about the big sand pit outside, you know, the one surrounding the jungle gym, the place that most likely seems analogous to heaven to you. Have you ever realized that your teachers always seem quite hesitant to take you into the sand, and very anxious as you are all returning to class? Well, there is a reason for that eeriness. The reason is because you, the Elementary schoolers, are not accumulating enough sand while you are outside, whether it be in your shoes, your pockets, or your mouth for all they care, and therefore are not able to leave a sufficient amount of sand in their classrooms. They thoroughly enjoy a mound of sand in their rooms as they sometimes too, feel a sense of juvenileness and long to roll around in the sand. They also truly appreciate the sand traveling all over the classroom, and therefore infesting the objects inside it. So, always remember to be as dirty as you possibly can, and to never ever clean up after yourself, as “clean up time” is just a code term for “free time”.
If you have ever allowed someone to finish speaking before you started to speak, you are not living a correct lifestyle. There is no such thing as being polite by waiting your turn to speak, as it is only the polite thing to do to interrupt anyone as you please. If the teacher is in the middle of explaining the activity, and you have a comment to make, blurt it out as soon as it comes to mind, if you wait, you may forget what you had to say. There is no reason to allow someone time to speak as you are the center of attention, and can say whatever you’d like, whenever you’d like.
Have you ever been told to eat properly, that is, with a fork and a knife? I can only assume that all of your answers are, “no,” as that way of eating is perceived to be barbaric and disgraceful. It is essential to eat with your fingers because they are the most effective utensils, and hey, they’re there for a reason, right? In addition to utilizing your hands in the most effective way possible, it is always appreciated when young children chew with their mouth open, as others tend to be curious as to what they’re eating.
But I have said enough. I hope that you all grow up remembering the valuable directions of which I have provided for you, and allow them guide you through adolescence and youth, all the way through adulthood. Be sure to grow as a person based off of these instructions, as you will one day thank me as you fit in perfectly with society, and reflect but only an individual of high esteem.