“I called it off again last night.” I said through the receiver of the phone to my best friend Jan. This had been about the fifteenth time that we had broken up.

I just love him so much. You know, that, like, kind of love where you only love him when he buys you flowers? Yeah, that’s, like, the kind of irreplaceable love that we have for each other. But last night, I saw him at dinner with some ugly chick, that slut that has slept with, like, every guy in the school. And I just had to call it off, because I can’t be cheated on like an old person who is cheated on in a game of chess by his grandson. I just can’t.

“Again?” Jan said in a tone that made me know she wasn’t surprised.

“Yes. He cheated on me, AGAIN, and it was with Ke$ha. I just, like, don’t know what to do anymore, you know? Like, should I just swim away like krill swim away from a whale? Or should I, like, give him a sixteenth chance?”

“Girl, you need to be done with him. Swim away!”

“But, like, okay.” I replied as my phone made a beeping noise signaling I was getting another call. “Hold on, I’m getting, like, another call.” I said as I answered. “Hello?”

“Baby, I miss you and I swear I’m gonna change this time. Will you go back out with me?” Taylor, my ex, said through the phone.

“Remember when you said that last time? Yeah that only lasted for, like, a day.”

“But, baby, I promise I mean it this time,” he said, trying to sound convincing.

“I hate you, Taylor. And we are never, ever, ever getting back together.”

“But, babe, I still love you,” he said, a sadness peeping through his voice.

“Hold on a second.” I said, as I suddenly realized that Jan was still waiting for me on the other line. I tapped the cold screen of my iPhone 5 and pushed the call back to Jan. “Hey sorry, guess who’s on the other line?”

“No! Taylor, you can not take him back. You do this all the time, stand firm like a pole stands firm in, like, concrete.” Jan started to sound angry as she talked.

“I know, I know. I told him we are never, ever, ever getting back together, and then he was all like, but I still love you, and that’s when I came back over to this conversation.”

“Go back to his call, and tell him you are done and then hang up.”

“But, that’s like, rude. Like old people are rude.” I said.

“Taylor, just do it. You need to move on.” Jan said in a stern voice.

Then I clicked back over to Taylors phone call.

“Okay, Taylor, we are, like, over. And we are like never ever getting back together. Like ever.” I said trying to sound convincing even though I knew in my mind that I still loved him like my skin loves the sun.

“But, baby…” He said thinking he could get me to get back together with him.

“No Taylor, I am done. This is exhausting, you know, like, we cant keeping doing this. We are done.” I said, as sternly as possible to let him know I was serious. As serious as dory was when she thought that Nemo’s name was Fabio.

“No, babe, I promise you this time I will change. When I was with Kesha last night, all I thought about was you. You are so much prettier than she is, and your skin is a million times better, and your eyes sparkle so much more.” He said in a fake tone. It was like I could almost smell the lies coming through the phone, like the stench of the dump.

“We are done.” I said, as my finger pressed the end button. I could still taste the bitterness on my tongue from saying those last few words. My phone automatically went back to Jan’s call. “I did it, we are over,” I told her.

“Oh, Taylor, I am so proud of you!”

“Thanks, well I think I am going to head in for the night, I’m tired. My brain feels like a fried egg.” I said and then hung up.

As I crawled under the covers of my bed, I heard my phone ring.

“Hello?” I said through the receiver.

“I love you.” He replied to me in a sad tone.

“I love you too!” I said, happy Taylor squared was now back.