Finding Mercy

Lightning flashed and thunder rumbled as rain continued to pound heavily on the small tin shingles adjoining the wavering framework of thin metal slabs. Suffocating glacial air swirled and whipped swiftly around the lowly huddled masses of modest housing. Rivulets of murky rainwater rushed rapidly between large crevices in the soiled earth. Abandonment enveloped the small farming village of Guizhou province in western China; wariness and awareness hung thickly in the air. Shadows played tricks on the eyes as a small figure suddenly emerged from the collecting thick black fog. Stealthily approaching one of the dilapidated shacks, the shadow darted inside.
Plink. Plop. Plink plink. Plop. Water dripped steadily from leaks in the roof. A pile of matting in a dim corner shifted as a rat scurried to seek shelter in the little protection offered by a few pieces of bended, abandoned sorghum stalks. A small girl hesitantly crept inside, her meager frame draped in tattered rags, hands outstretched in front of her quivering form. Shuddering silently, she lowered her body helplessly towards the matted earthen floor. Weeping quietly as tremors wracked up and down her body, she slowly descended into a vortex of pain.
“Come back Papa…” she croaked brokenly, clutching her fisted hands close to her faintly beating heart.
“Come back…

take me with you…”

Lifting her hands to place them on either side of her head, she cried as her mama’s screams and papa’s final whispers echoed through her head. She had searched for him everywhere, but he was gone, a member of the shadows. She had lost him…
Hazed images of little brother’s pale face and ghostly white limbs unmoving and lifeless emerged to the surface.
Her mama had collapsed.
Her body had twitched once and then all was still…
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
She listened and watched as her mama’s happy laughter and radiant smile turned in an instant to a bone-chilling scream lamenting from a petrified, pain-filled face as she held her little brother’s lifeless body in her arms.
The earth stopped spinning, time had come to a perfect eerie standstill. Heart pounding, she watched as her mother held the baby close to her bosom, rocking back and forth, her mouth agape, terrified screams escaping from her open mouth. Tears streamed down her face, and she crumbled against his tiny, bloodied body, her form shifting at a twisted, unnatural angle.
Eyes wild with despair, the girl ran desperately from the room, trying to distance herself from the cloying odor of uncleanliness, sweat, and dying bodies that had begun to permeate the air. Running behind her papa, she hung desperately onto his legs and followed him outside into the dark, evil, stormy night, leaving the faint glow of light from within.
“Papa, wait! Take me with you!” she screamed and sobbed harder and harder as the tears flowed like a rushing waterfall down her dirty cheeks. Her papa surged forward, then turned around. Closing his eyes, he keeled onto the earth and clutched the little girl tightly into his arms and murmured quietly into her matted hair.
“Stay here, don’t follow me. Remember me in happier times…everything will be okay, Xiaohui. I promise. You’ll always be my little girl and I love you.” A soft puff of air ruffled her hair with his words.
“I love you too Papa. Come back.” Eyes that shined with a sheen of tears gazed expectantly into his face.
A small melancholy smile touched his face; an ocean of sorrow and desperation radiated in his eyes.
“Don’t forget me. Be strong, my beautiful mercy.”
With that, he rose slowly from his crouched position.
A final glance.
Then he was gone.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Rays of light streamed through the cracks in the walls. The air hummed with energy, hot and humid. Sounds of life issued from the constant buzzing of flies, and in their enclosures a few scrawny chickens pecked lightly on the soiled compacted dirt, their feathers catching rays of sunlight, flicking flecks of brown and red among the misty morning’s silence. Xiaohui opened her eyes, squinting when the brilliant rays of sun shined down on her face, causing her to wince.
A small, sad smile then graced her face.
“Morning mama,” she whispered to the air.
As if answering her, the room turned brighter, flowing with warmth and light. She lay curled on her bed, her eyes wandering to the shimmering light. She watched as dust specks swirled in the air and caught their twinkle as they floated in the path of the sunlight. A soft moan issued from somewhere off in the distance. Xiaohui closed her eyes. Sighing softly to herself, she silently rose and walked to the door. Knocking softly, she quietly entered the room.
“How are you Nai Nai?” she asked as she padded to the edge of her grandmother’s bed. Taking her grandmother’s tiny bound feet in her arms, she began to unwrap the long linens and massage her feet.
“I am well child, I am well.”
“Would you like for me to fetch you a cup of water?”
Smiling her eye-crinkling adoring smile, her grandmother nodded a yes of thanks, then turned her head back toward the wall, closing her eyes once more. Giving the soles of Nai Nai’s feet one last rub, she tenderly laid them back down to rest on the soft matting of grass.
Stepping outside into the yard, Xiaohui closed her eyes and tilted her face towards the sun, soaking up the strength and heat. Feeling the sun beat down against her cool skin, she stared at the purple, pink, and blue kaleidoscope world inside her eyelids and a sense of contentment settled over her. Opening her eyes, she strode across the earth in her bare feet towards the water well. Grasping a large wooden bucket she set to the task of hauling the fresh water to the surface. Immersing a small, cracked tin cup into the rippling clear water, she took a sip of the life rejuvenating liquid. Savoring the taste of the cool water on her tongue, she swallowed it almost reluctantly.
Hurriedly filling a second cup, she took it back inside.
“Here Nai Nai, I brought you some fresh water from the well.”
“Thank you my child.” Her bright eyes twinkled in thanks. “Now you must tell me, how much wheat do we have left to sustain us through the approaching winter?”
Xiaohui’s heart fell. Nai Nai was growing older and weaker with each passing day. Sadness manifested rapidly in her soul…but no, it would not happen. She simply would not allow it. Recovering quickly with a small pasted smile on her face, she replied steadily,
“Don’t worry Nai Nai, there’s plenty for us to last through the winter.” she gave a hint of a melancholy smile, “but I think I’ll go to the fields today to search for and maybe collect some wheat kernels thrown away from the harvesters. Mistress Li will not see me, I am very small.”
“Foolish girl! That woman will give you a sound enough beating to leave you for the dead if she catches you. No, I forbid it. If you insist on going, I will come with you.”
“Nai Nai! You can’t! It’ll be too dangerous.”
“Nonsense. Hand me my cane, child.”
Hesitantly and with much reserve, Xiaohui handed her grandmother’s thick bamboo cane to her. Helping Nai Nai into her small fraying black cloth shoes, she then slipped on her own. As Xiaohui tried to guide her through the house, Nai Nai continually slapped her hovering arms away.
“Stop it girl. I am not an invalid, I am merely someone who has seen more days than her cane can support.” Her crinkling eyes slowly clouded as dark shadows crossed across her face. An overwhelming sense of helplessness filled Xiaohui’s soul, but she brushed it away quickly.
“Nai Nai, we have to go now before the harvesters return from cook’s lunch,” she said quietly to her grandmother.
“Of course, of course. Lead the way, my treasure.”

The sun’s radiance cast down on the fields as they slowly walked together across the hot earth, Nai Nai’s small bound feet tenderly taking one step forward at a time. Xiaohui’s hand reached out to steady her as she slightly stumbled and she wrapped one of her arms around her grandmother’s frail waist.

“Stop fussing child, I am perfectly fine.” Nai Nai swatted Xiaohui’s hovering hands away.

A small indulgent smile spread across Xiaohui’s face as she took her hands back.
“That’s right, this way. We’re almost there now, I can see the tall sorghum stalks beside the wheat fields,” Xiaohui gently encouraged.
As they approached closer to the wheat field, Xiaohui left her grandmother’s side and rushed forward, dropping to her knees. Brushing aside dirt and loam in an anxious impatient manner, she began to eagerly search for the precious wheat kernels. Finding one of the little golden seeds at last, she raised it to her lips and whispered a word of blessing and thanks. A memory of her papa’s warm smile suddenly flashed through her mind. She hugged her arms around her shoulders. He would be proud of her, she was sure. Wouldn’t he?
Nai Nai knelt down next to her and began to help search for the kernels. As they worked under the pulsating heat of the sun, a rush of contentment filled Xiaohui’s spirit. Beads of glistening sweat began to form and collect on their foreheads and backs, but at last they had managed to collect a hefty sack of beautiful golden wheat kernels. Xiaohui’s heart blossomed with hope for her grandmother and herself; they would not starve this winter.
Suddenly a shadow blocked out the path of the sun. Chills streaked up and down Xiaohui’s body; quickly she looked for her grandmother. As she lifted her head the sight before her eyes made her heart grow cold as ice and shrivel up like a prune. Chilling fear penetrated deep into the hollows of her bones.
Nai Nai. Mistress Li stood over her, a long thin whip draped over a bony shoulder. Her horse-faced features were twisted with rage.
“YOU BASTARD! INSOLENT WHORE, HALF-BREED! Just what do you think you are doing?!” she screamed.
Xiaohui cowered back in terror as she watched her grandmother kneel at Mistress Li’s feet. Mistress Li’s sharp, black, beady eyes moved from her Nai Nai’s trembling body down to the small sack of kernels lying in the earth next to her.
“YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH STEALING FROM ME?! Gun dan! Get lost!”
Raising her whip, she slashed the thin rope full across Nai Nai’s face.
The resounding smack echoed across the fields like the sound of a shotgun in the reverberating silence.
Lifting her fragile shoulders, Nai Nai looked past Mistress Li’s feet and stared into Xiaohui’s face hidden in between the tall wheat stalks. A thick, blood-spattered red streak was imbedded in her soft white withering left cheek. Warning her not to do anything with her eyes, Nai Nai stumbled back and then slowly crawled back towards Mistress Li’s feet.
“I am deeply sorry, Li Xiao Jie, Mistress Li. I promise to repay you as soon as I can.”
“You think I will just let this go…?” A dangerous, malicious smirk crossed her face. “You think I will let a little stealer like you come here and steal my crops? Well, let me tell you, you thought wrong.” Letting out an evil, bone-chilling cackle, she delivered a swift kick into Nai Nai’s stomach.
Burning rage churned deep in the pits of Xiaohui’s stomach as she watched her grandmother fall back to the earth, wispy white hair rushing around her head as the air streaked past her. With an echoing crunch, her grandmother’s still form lay curled on the ground.
Mistress Li spat on the ground while stepping around the body, picked up the small cloth bag, and walked away.
Rushing from her hiding place in between the roots of the tall wheat stalks, Xiaohui ran with every ounce of her strength to her grandmother’s crumbled body. Xiaohui took Nai Nai’s shivering body and brought it to her lap; tears gathered in her eyes as she cradled her face and brushed aside the soft, wispy tendrils of white hair.
“Grandmother? Nai Nai? It’s okay, I’m here now. Lean on me, I’ll help you stand.”
“My cane, child…bring me my cane,” she whispered.
Using her foot to nudge the bamboo cane closer to her, Xiaohui lifted the cane from the earth and pressed it gently into Nai Nai’s soft, gnarled hand.
“Take me home child. I need to rest my feet…”
Proudly arching her back, Nai Nai pushed herself from the ground and took the cane from her granddaughter’s small hand.
“Lead the way, bring me home my treasure.”

Returning back to their small thatched house, Xiaohui laid her grandmother down gently on her bed and began to wipe some of the blood away from her face with a wet piece of cloth.

Whispering to her and holding her hand close to her bosom, Nai Nai murmured, “Promise me Xiaohui, do not go back looking for revenge. In the later years, should you see Li Xiao Jie in the streets or someplace in the markets, do not act in a moment of rash indecisions. Do not hold resentment. Forgive and move forward. Keep a merciful heart, live up to your name. Make me proud.”
“I promise.”
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Fifteen years had passed and as rain poured from the heavens, Xiaohui quietly walked under the sheets that stretched across the marketplace. The aroma of hot, sweet steamed buns wafted through the air, mixing with the fresh scent of rain. The butcher sliced his meat steadily to the rhythm of the pitter-pattering of the rain. Lifting her basket, she peered inside. Two leaks, one potato, and a handful of peas, blackening with age, were settled dully inside hidden by the shadows. She replaced the cloth back over the basket. It was all the two Yuan could buy her. Lifting her head, she watched as an old woman pushing a cart of dried bamboo shoots set her stand near the baker’s steamed buns. Looking wistfully towards the steamed buns, the grandmotherly woman shifted from foot to foot rubbing her hands together in an attempt to create friction to warm her knobby hands.
Suddenly, Xiaohui stiffened. The structure of the woman’s face looked so familiar…Xiaohui involuntarily leaned closer.
It was as if a volt of electricity jarred through her entire body from head to toe.
It was Mistress Li.

Before she realized what she was doing, she was standing in the middle of the street halfway to the woman, her basket lying in a puddle of water neglected behind her. The woman paused and looked up at her, eyes raised in a sharp questioning arch. Her grandmother’s voice coming back to her, Xiaohui hesitated.
“…Do not hold resentment. Forgive and move forward. Make me proud…”
Walking forward until she reached the woman, Xiaohui smiled and gently draped her cloth coat around the woman’s sagging shoulders.
“Here you go lao nai nai, I wish you warmth as you sell your shoots.”
A sad smile spread rapidly across the old woman’s face and tears filled her eyes as she held onto Xiaohui’s hands.
“Thank you dear child, thank for caring for an old woman. You have a pure and beautiful heart.” Taking five of her dried bamboo shoots, she pressed them into Xiaohui’s hands. “Take these as a repayment of my thanks.”
Xiaohui took the shoots and with a last word of thanks and a small smile, she walked back to her basket left in the puddle of rainwater and placed the shoots inside. Looking back over her shoulder, she watched as the old woman enfolded the coat around her shoulders and sat down on the earth next to her cart, blowing against her hands to keep warm.
Xiaohui never saw her again.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
“22ND September, 1932
My little treasure,

My time with you is drawing closer to an end with each passing day. Tonight I miss your mama more than ever, and that is another reason why I am writing. Someday, you will be my age and may wish to speak to me, but I may no longer be around. Keep in mind always, always, no matter what, that you are worthwhile and very important to me, wherever I may be.

By forgiving Li Xiao Jie and keeping a merciful heart, you have lived up to our expectations and have brought peace to our family. You have defied the odds and garnered triumph through your efforts. You are destined to do great things. Your future is limitless, and I shall always be proud of you,
My beautiful treasure, Xiaohui
Mercy Hui”

Folding the letter in her hands, she read again the barely legible slanted scrawl that was a piece of her grandmother. Her papa had named her well. Walking to the door, she looked out into the fields, watching as sunlight finally broke through the grey clouds.

“Nai Nai, nin an xi ba…I’ve found peace…

Thank you.”