I remember that day, the day everything in my life went dark and my whole world started to crumble down into pieces. It took me some time to get over it and I soon went on with my life but I don't think I lived it to the fullest, since that day happened it's been holding me back from taking risks in life making me think life is scary and to me it still is but back then it didn't. I was 16 and I had everything I could ever want a great mom, dad, brother, best friends, money, everything was going great for me. Except one day when things started to change

"Honey" said Christina

"Yeah" said Mike

"I went to the store to buy some groceries and they said that the card was maxed out"

"That's weird" said Mike

"Well that's what the lady told me but it's OK I payed in cash"

"Ok I'll check and see what's going on tomorrow"

What they didn't know was that we were going bank rupped isn't it crazy how your whole life can change in a instant,that day was just the beginning.

Chapter One Part One

I was at school talking with my best friend Elena, I can talk to her about anything and everything and of course we talk about boys and getting our hair done and nails and all the other good stuff but what do you expect we were girls, teenage girls to be exact

"So Erika guess what?"said Elena

"What?" I said

"I got an audition today for a record label"

"Really?!"

"Ha ha yeah" said Elena

"That's great I'm really proud of you so where is it? I really want be there"

"It's in Miami

"Ok I'll be there! When are you leaving?" I said

"I'm actually leaving tonight at six"

"Tonight? That's really sudden"

"I know but I really want this and this could be my only shot"

"What about your parents are they coming?"

"No."

Elena's parents aren't the most supportive people in the world they used to be but then they just stop believing in her and just gave up on her and her dreams now all they do is focus on there work.

"Oh well I'll be there."

"Yay! Great" said Elena

"So do you need a ride?" I said

"No I'm ok"said Elena

"Ok well if you need anything just call me"

"Ok"

"Like if you need for me to listen to your song or give you tips ow even better I could help you find a new outfit" I said

"Hahaha no I'm fine Erika and wait you hate shopping"said Elena

"I know haha and alright, I'll see you later at the airport six right?"

"Yep but wait, what about your parents?"

At that moment I forgot all about my parents because have you ever had that moment when something great was going on and you just got caught up in it not even thinking twice about your parents?

"Oh...yeah I forgot. Ok what I will do is tell them that I'm coming over your house for the rest of the week and to just give me some money because we are going to go shopping my mom will love to hear that"I said

"That sounds great, don't worry about my parents they will be working so much that they won't even now you're there."

"Ok well later" I said

"Later" said Elena

I left school on my way home when I felt like I forgot something but couldn't quiet put my finger on it

Part Two:

"I can't believe she left me here again" said Louis

"Well maybe she went to get some gas and is coming back" said Tyler

"No I know my sister, this isn't the first time she has done this."

"I can ask my parents to give you a ride home"

"No it's cool I'll walk"said Louis

"Are you sure? Your house is like seven miles away" said Tyler

"I know it's nothing new to me, so I'll see you later"

"Alright" said Tyler

If you're wondering who Tyler is he's my brothers best friend. They have been friends since they came out the whom but anyway I remember that I forgot him at school again and I knew that he was upset with me once again

He walked through the door and I had to say something because what kind of person would I be if I didn't apologize.

"Hey Louis I'm so sorry I didn't mean to leave you"

"It's ok I walked like always"

I knew he was upset because he always throws his bag over his arm and walks up the stairs and locks himself in his room so of course I had to go see what's wrong with my little brother.

"Louis, come on Louis I didn't mean to leave you at school, I forgot because Erika has a audition tonight and I just forgot about everything else."

My brother is the type of person who gets mad at you for a second and then forgives you but it depends on what it is

Louis opens up the door. "She has a audition?"

"Yeah tonight in Miami so I'm going."

"How are you going to get passed mom and dad?"

I already figured that out I'm just going to say that I'm staying over Erika's house for the rest of the week."

"You don't have any money to buy a plane ticket."

"Actually I do I'm going to tell mom that I need money to go shopping with Erika."

"Wait you hate shopping."

"I know but mom will love to hear that from me."

"Oh alright I'll see you later."

"Ok but are you still mad?" I asked

"No I can never stay mad at my big sis, well not really your only two hours older." said Louis

Oh yeah I forgot to tell you, me and my brother are twins

"But I'm still your big sister."

"Ok whatever you say." said Louis

Now that I've got that out of the way it was time for me to face my parents, who would have known that one question would have changed my life forever so now it begins.

"Hey mom is it ok if I stay over Elena's house for the rest of this week?"

"Yeah sure." said Mom

"Thanks and can I have some money to go shopping with her?"

"Shopping?!"

"Yeah... Elena wanted something to do over the weekend."

"Oh my gosh my little girl is growing up, ok, ok you should buy dresses ow and some hills yes they will look so nice on your feet your feet are so pretty."

"Mom!"

"Ok, ok I'm done, so here's the card and the code is.."

"I know the code mom."

"Alright have fun!"

That was easier than I thought it would be but anyway I went to go buy my ticket And everything went as planned I printed it out , packet up and left for the airport.

Narrator:The dad walks passed Erika's room seeing what's on her computer which is the plane ticket

"What's this?" Said Mike
"Plane ticket? Miami? Tonight? Oh no... Christina!"

"Yeah"

"Did you know about this?"

"About what?" Said Christina

"This plane ticket."

"No"

"Then why does it say that we bought a ticket to Miami tonight?" Said Mike

"I don't know I didn't pay for anything all I did was just gave Erika money to go shopping with Elena that's about it. Also you should know that if I buy something it wouldn't be off Erika's computer."

"I knew that"

" But what's Erika doing buying a ticket to Miami?" Said mike

"Well she's over Elena's house maybe they are going there to shop. Its ok" said Christina

"No it's not ok, christina we are going broke, we do not have that much money left."

"How much do we have?" asked Christina

"Right now we only have 5 grand. Huh it's going to be a long week."

"It's ok we will get through this."

"No were not." said mike

"Why not?" Said Christina

"I got laid off today, they decided that they need something new, something fresh I've been nothing but loyal to that company and this is how they treat me."

"Oh honey I'm sorry, it's going to be ok" said Christina while rubbing his back slowly making him feel better.

"I don't know what we're going to do."

"We will figure something out but in tell then we can't tell the kids we just need to act like everything's normal."

My parents didn't know that my brother was eavesdropping on their conversation and as soon as he heard the news he texted me saying CODE 9, CODE 9!!. When I seen that I knew that I had to turn back around. I knew Elena was going to be disappointed but what could I do something was going on with my family and that's more important than any audition.

I felt really guilty for not showing up to Elena's audition so I called and left a voice mail telling her what I knew so far. When I got home my brother pulled me to the side and told me everything he heard. He told me he heard about use going broke and my dad losing his job, and also we only have 5 grand in the bank. I started to feel a little light headed, I couldn't believe my ears.

"Ok well what did daddy say." I said

"What do you mean?" said Louis

"I mean what's our plan? What is he going to do far as money wise?"

"I don't know he didn't say."

"Ugh can anything get any worse"

Now that I think about it I shouldn't of never said that. It seems like once you say that things start go even worse than before.

"So what are we going to do?"said Louis

"We can't really do anything but act normal and go with the flow."

"Alright..."

"And don't tell mom or dad that we know, we don't want to stress them out even more."

"I won't."

"You better not Louis I swear."

"Dang ok I'm not,don't jump down my throat about it. I'll see you later I'm going over Tyler's house."

"Ok tell him I said hey."

"Alright I will."

I felt useless, I couldn't do anything to help out my parents all I felt like doing then was to just sleep it off and get ready for another day.

Part Three:

"So what's been going on?" said Tyler

"A LOT" said Louis

"A LOT like?"

"It's complicated" said Louis

"It's not that complicated where you can't tell me, just tell me."

"Alright basically we are going broke and we don't have that much time to figure out a plan."

"Dang I know that must be tough." said Tyler

"Yeah figuring out that you're going broke isn't the best news in the world.I just don't understand why this is happening to me out of all people."

"It's going to be alright they'll think of something." said Tyler

"I hope so" said Louis

It was the next day and it was nice, sunny, warm with a slight breeze just the way I liked it. I knew that what happened the other day wasn't a dream even though I wanted it to be. I checked my phone and I had a lot of messages and missed calls from Elena. I skimmed through most of them until I seen that she said she got the deal.
I was so happy for her and just for a second I forgot all about my own problems.

I got ready for school and headed on out. I wondered what Elena was going to say. I didn't know if she was going to be mad or understanding. When I got to school I didn't see her, I started to worry but then I remembered that in one of the messages I skimmed through said that she wasn't coming to school for the rest of the week. A week without your best friend seems like you're missing something like I wouldn't have anybody but I remember I had my other friends Monica and Alia. They are always there for me too and I loved them to death but its just not the same

"Hey" said Monica and Alia

"Hi" I said

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing I'm just a little tired."

It's not that I didn't want to tell them, about what's going on just not at that moment I didn't and plus I didn't even tell Elena yet.

"Well I have to get to class I'll see you guys later."

"Alright bye" said Alia

"Bye" said Monica

"Wait said Alia, I was wondering if you wanted to head to Miami with me and Monica to surprise Elena."

I really wanted to say yea but then I had to think twice before I responded, knowing my situation
I knew I couldn't go

"Ummm... I really do but I can't I'm busy tonight."

"Oh ok, if you change your mind just call me and we will figure something out. Ok?"

"Ok, talk you later" I said

"Erika's acting really strange" said Monica

"I know I wonder what's up with her she's usually not like this" said Alia

"Hopefully it's nothing serious, will ask tomorrow and see what's up."

Man I'm glad that's over. I don't like to lie to my friends even though it's something personal I still feel guilty you know? It's kind of hard to explain but that's just the way I felt.

So I was walking to class not knowing I was going the wrong way so I turned back around to see if I knew what part of the school I was in when I realize that I was lost, I must of been really out of it if I got lost in my own school but hey that happens to everyone sometimes. So I turned around trying to see where to go when I turned the corner and seen my brother with Tyler. I didn't think anything of it until I seen Tyler push my brother against the wall and started to kiss him. I couldn't believe my eyes, the sight of my brother kissing someone made my eyes seemed like they were on fire. I went back around the corner and waited for them to leave, actually not really I wanted to see what they were going to talk about.

"Not right here someone can see us"said Louis

"I don't care, come on I hate having to pretend to be your friend and not your boyfriend when are we going to be able to tell everyone."

"When the time is right we will. intel then we have to keep this to ourselves."

"Ok but it better be soon"said Tyler smiling while putting his arms around my brothers was leaning in to kiss him

"I love you" said Tyler

"I love you too" said Louis smiling and staring into Tyler's eyes

I didn't really care that my brothers gay but I was upset that he was afraid to tell me. I can kind of admit that I am a little disappointed but as long as my brothers happy that's all that matters. I could see it in his eyes that he was really happy being with Tyler.

I ended up going the other way and finally found my way to class. During the whole class I couldn't get that image of my brother and Tyler locking lips in the hallway out of my head. It was like a memory that was haunting me, I knew I had to say something because this was bothering the heck out of me but I couldn't it wouldn't be right.

The day went on and school was finally over. It felt like I was there for days. As I was walking to my car I seen my brother and Tyler they were acting normal like they were just friends. My brother started to walk towards me I didn't know what to do or what to say.

"Hey"said Louis

"Hey" I said

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing it's just been a long day"

"You're still worried about, you know are problem?"

"No, it's just nothing I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yes" I said

"Are you positive?"

"Yes"

"Are you super positive?"

"Haha yes Louis I am."

"Aye there goes that smile I've been waiting to see" said Louis

"Haha so you need a ride home?"

"No it's ok I'm going over Tyler's house."

"Oh ok then I guess I'll see you later."

"Alright bye." as he said bye he gave me a kiss on the cheek and went to Tyler's car.

There's one thing I can say about my brother is that he has really good taste in guys because Tyler was so attractive. Black hair with a gold-t, sandy brown eyes, great smile, milk chocolate skin, and tall. I'm sorry but he's just really attractive. You just don't even know that boy is just to good looking to, to good looking... my brother better watch out because I might just turn him straight hahaha but back to what I was saying, after that, I got into my car and headed home.

When I got home everything was packed up. I was shocked and confused. The first thing I did was looked for my parents and see what was going on.

"Mom, dad!"

"Yeah sweetie we are in here."

"What's going on?"

"Should I tell her or should you." said mom

"Go ahead" said dad

"Well honey, I don't know how to tell you this but we are not doing so well far as money wise so we have to move."

"Move where?"

"Move into our condo intel we get things figured out."

"Why so soon though?"

"It's either we move out today or get thrown out tomorrow Erika."

"Geesh I'm sorry I was just asking."

"It's ok just go pack up whatever is left out there."

"Alright."

"Erika!" screamed dad

"Yeah" I said while walking up the stairs,breathing really hard.

"Where's Louis?"

I didn't know what to say at first but it's not like my dad doesn't know about Tyler, well he doesn't know about them being together but he thinks they are just friends.

"Yeah he went over Tyler's house."

"Oh alright, can you text him and tell him to come home soon?"

"Yeah sure."

I wonder when my brothers going to tell me,well I'll just have to wait and see.

Part Four:

"Why did you kiss me at school?" asked Louis

"Because I wanted to I couldn't hold back and you weren't complaining."

"That's not the point."

"Just relax ok everything's going to be ok, no ones going to find out." said Tyler giving Louis a kiss on the lips

"Ok" said Louis with a smile on his face.

It was getting late and Louis still wasn't home yet. My parents were getting worried but then he ended up coming through the door a couple minutes later.

"Where have you been?"said Christina

"Over Tyler's house."

"You should've been home hours ago you had us over here worried sick about you and you don't even bother to call someone letting them know you're ok."

"I'm sorry I'm here now so that's all that matters now."

"No it's not."

"Ok Christina calm down he's home now and thats all that matters." Said Dad

"So what's with all the boxes?"

"You didn't get your sisters text?"

Oh crap I so forgot to do that.

"No" said Louis

My parents ended up looking at me with the fact that every parent gives their kids when they didn't do something right.

"Well what's going on is that we are moving into our condo for now until we get things figured out."

From the look of my brothers face he seemed relieved but who knows.

"Are you ok?" said dad

Yeah I'm fine."Said Louis with this weird look on his face

"Alright then go get packet we have to be out of here soon." said mike

Was that awkward or was it just me? Well I followed my brother into his room to see what was going on even though I already knew.

"What's going on with you?"I said

"Nothing" said Louis

"There's something just tell me, I won't judge you or get mad at you if that's what you're afraid of hearing from me."

"I don't know."

"Just tell me, please."

"Ok but you can't tell mom or dad." said Louis he said with this really nerves face

"I promise I won't."

He ended up not tell me out loud but whispered that he was gay in my ear. I was actually kind of relieved because this was just eating me inside but I would've never thought my brother would be gay because he doesn't act like it. To each is it's own I guess.

"Oh" I said

"All your going to say is just oh."said Louis

"No I mean I really don't know what to say."

"Just say what your think or how you feel."

"Well Louis I'm not upset with you at all I still love you with all my heart and nothings going to change."

"Thanks." said Louis with a big smile on his face

"So are you dating someone or think someone is cute?" I said

"Yeah."

"Who?" I asked even though I already knew the answer

"Tyler."

"Tyler?" Aww you both look so good together

"Haha yeah I guess, we will talk about this later. Can you help me pack please."

"Sure" I said

I felt much better when he told me , it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. A couple of hours later we had everything packed and ready to go, sooner or later we were out the house and headed to our condo or I should say are new home.

We made it to the condo at two in the morning and by the time we got the main things we need unpacked it was almost four. I already knew tomorrow was going to be a stressful day.


It turned out we didn't go to school the next day. I was so happy but a day with my parents wasn't the best thing ever.

"Good morning" said mom

"Good morning" I said

"How did you sleep?"

"Ok I guess and you?"

"Ok it's just going to be hard getting used to this for now on."

"Yeah but we'll get through it as long as we have each other."


"Yeah your right, you want breakfast?"

"Sure, I'm going to go see if Louis is up" I said

"Ok,breakfast will be ready soon."

Part Five:

So I told Erika about us.

Really,How did she take it?

She took it pretty well, I was nervous to tell her.

That's good and why?

Because, I don't know I thought she was going to be mad.

Well you don't have to worry she's not. Said Tyler

So I went to my brothers room to see if he was awake but when I looked he wasn't so I just left and went back to the kitchen but then I felt like he was faking so I went back and opened the door when I seen him and Tyler. I hurried up and shut the door.

"What are you doing?! We just moved here yesterday and your sneaking him in?!"

"Relax mom and dads not going to find out and keep your voice down." Said Louis

"Sweetie is everything ok?!" said Mom

"Yeah everything is fine mom! you need to get him out of here now." I whispered

"Well good morning to you Erika"said Tyler

"I'm sorry hey Tyler not to be rude but you need to leave and how did you get in here anyway?"

"I have my ways, bye babe." said Tyler as he climbs out the window

"That's a long way down how is he going to get down from here?"

"I do not know." said Louis

"Ok well you need to get up and come down to breakfast be ready in five."I said while throwing him a shirt to put on

"Alright."

I was quite frustrated I've never thought it would be this hard to keep a secret like this I really hoped my brother would tell my parents soon.
We were at breakfast and everyone was up but my dad so I went to his room to see if he was up and he wasn't their.

"Mom he isn't in the room."I said

"What? He has to be there he was there two minutes ago."

"Maybe he left and needed to handle something I don't know."said Louis

"Ok." I'll call him

"Your call has been forwarded to a automatic voiced messaging system."

" He's not answering."

"Don't worry mom I'm sure he will show up soon." said Louis

"Hey guys, mmmm breakfast smells great." said dad while kissing my mom on the cheek

"And where were you?"

"I was out trying to find a new job I thought you knew that I left a note."

"I didn't see it."

"Here it is right by the elevator." said Dad

"Let me see that."

The letter said" hey I'm going out for a while I'll be back soon love dad"

"Oh ok." said Mom while rolling her eyes storming to the kitchen

"You're hungry?" said Mom

"Yeah I'm starving what are we having?" said dad

"Eggs with cheese, bacon, bagels with cream cheese or any kind of jelly you want, toast, hash browns, sausage, and coffee or juice either orange or apple."

"That sounds fantastic." said dad

"This smells really good mom when did you learn how to cook ?"said Tyler

"Boy I've been cooking longer than you, now come over her and help me with this mr.chief."

"Ok" said Tyler while eating some toast and smiling while getting up out of his chair

"Well isn't this great a family breakfast together."I said

Everyone smiled at me, that was the first time we felt like an actual family for once and I didn't want that moment to end. So a couple of months passed by and everything was going great my dad still was searching to find a job my mom luckily still had a job and my brother still does what he do and thats just sneaking Tyler in every night and just going to school. This was pretty much my new normal intel.

"So me and Tyler were talking and we decided that we are going to tell mom and dad about use." said Louis

Really? That's great I think it's about time they should know."

"Yeah I know."

"I guess now all those girls at school are going to be disappointed that the most hottest and the most popular boy in school is off limits"I said.

Haha yeah but hey I'll still have my looks and popularity."

"I don't know be careful because people nowadays can be cruel"I said

"I will" said Louis

"When are you going to tell them?"

"Probably Friday or tomorrow it depends on if Tyler has to work."

"Oh ok and when did Tyler get a job?"

"Oh I forgot to tell you he got a job a couple months ago, he got this job so we can get a place together and so I don't have to worry about are money problems."

"So that's how you've been getting all this new stuff?"

"Yep" said Louis

"Where does he work?McDonalds, Wendy's, Burger King?"

"No he works at L.U.I."

"He works at L.U.I?!"

"Yep he does."

How did he get a job like that?! That's the biggest clothing company in Miami, what does he do?"

"He's a manager there now."


"Wow that guy must have great personality and must be a hard worker to become a manager in such a short period of time."I said

"Well the old manager got fired because he was stealing money so Tyler was the secretary and they thought he would be perfect for the job so they gave it to him and he's doing great, if he keeps this up we could buy a place in no time."

"Ok well slow down we haven't gotten that far yet you need to focus on telling mom and dad."

"Ok don't worry."

I was so happy that my brother was finally going to come clean, I thought maybe it would change some things and everything would have felt normal but I was wrong. It was the next day and Louis told me that Tyler was coming over so they can tell my mom and dad the news.

"Hey Louis Tyler's here!"said Dad

"So how's it going?"Said dad

"Things are going pretty good sir and you?"Said Tyler

"Everything's going fine. So you're working now?"

"Ah.. Yeah I got a job at L.U.I."

"Oh ok well good for you, you seem like a pretty nice young man who has his head on straight."

"Well thank you sir"

After that they were just standing there in awkward silence while waiting for my brother

"Hey, what's going on?"said Louis

"Nothing just talking with Tyler well I'll let you two talk."Said dad

"Actually dad he's here so we can talk to you."

"Ok what do you need to talk to me about?"

"Aren't we going to tell your mom too?" whispered Tyler

"Oh yeah let me go get mom real quick."

"Mom!" screamed Louis while running up the stairs

"Yeah?"

"Can you come down stairs please"?"

"Sure I'll be right there."

Louis walked to my room

"Are you going to come down too?"

"Yeah sure." I said

I didn't even know what kind of position I was putting myself into .

"Since everyone is down here we have something to tell you. Go on and tell them."Said Louis

"Well Mr and Misses.Ewing I'm in love with your son."

"Haha what?"

"I love your son."said Tyler

"That's crazy your boys, boys can't be in love with each other. So basically what your telling me is that my son is gay?"

My brother and Tyler looked nerves and my mom was just in shock, for me it was just awkward.

"Umm dad.. I'm"

"No don't say anything."said Mike while rubbing through his hair and blowing out deep breaths.

"Where are you going?"said Mom

"Out" said Dad

Everyone was dead silent for a couple of seconds.

"Sweetie I love you and I support you in everything you do and if he makes you happy then that's all that matters."

"Thanks mom"said Louis, giving my mom a hug

"Thank you Misses.Ewing"

"And if you hurt my son you'll have to deal with me personally."

"I won't, I wouldn't let anything happen to him, trust me he's safe with me." said Tyler

"Ok well who wants dinner?"

"I do" I said giving my brother the look and a corner smile

I walked to the kitchen with my mom to let them have some alone time.

"That didn't go as expected." said Tyler

"It's ok my dad will soon come around" said Louis

"I'm not so sure."

No one knew where my dad had gone all we knew was that we haven't seen him for days. Intel he came back one day in the middle of the night.

"What are you doing?" Said Christina

"I just came to get my stuff" said Mike

"Stuff? Wait where are you going?"

"Away from here"

"What has gotten into to you Mike? You haven't called or shown up in days and now your talking about leaving?"

"I can't stay here"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that I can't live like this!!.... I just can't live in a house with a fa****.

"So you're telling me that you can't live with your son being gay? Mike he's your son and don't call him that."

"No he isn't,and well he's no son of mine"

"Mike what are you saying? yes he is your son. Just because he likes guys doesn't change anything about him, he is still the same boy you've raised."

"That's it I raised him and I failed, I failed him and I failed as a father. Now how do you think I feel? My sons a fa****, he's letting everything go to waste so he can just snuggle up with Tyler, he's just a waste I'll tell you that and he's not even good enough for Louis."

"No you didn't he still loves you and wants you to except him for who he is and that's not true he's not a wast, your talking about him like he's nothing. Even though he's not going to have kids doesn't mean anything this is his life and this how he wants to live it and you have to respect that and we alps can't choose who he falls in love with Mike."

"Well I'm sorry Christina but I just can't do this anymore Good bye" said mike while giving Christina a kiss on the forehead while she leans back crying trying to prevent him from kissing her.

After that night nothing stayed the same thats when the family started to fail apart and everything started to change. My mom started to miss work a lot and went into this deep depression she hadn't eaten in days and wouldn't eat anything I cooked her, all she wanted was a bottle of vodka and that's it. My brother feels like it's all his fault that dad left which I thought wasn't true my father wouldn't leave because of that but who am I to talk about what I know about my father he left us with no explanation.

Louis soon went on to tell everyone at school that he's gay. After he did no one would talk to him and made fun of him calling him names like sweet cake and all this other ish. Tyler was there for him but no one deserves to go through something like that just because of their sexuality.

I was walking through the halls when Elena stopped me.

"Hey Erika wait up. What's going on? What is this that I hear about your brother being gay is it true?"

I just looked at her giving her no answer.

"I'll take that as a yes. I'm really sorry Erika."

"I'm fine"

"No your not.Well it seems like you don't want to talk right now so we will talk later ok?"

"Alright."

I didn't feel like talking to anyone even though people didn't know my situation but in my mind when people looked at me I heard them say your dad left you? Haha poor baby maybe if your brother wasn't a fag this wouldn't have happened. Your moms a alcoholic she's nothing, she's useless.

All these voices in my head was making me go insane I just wanted them to stop. I wished time would just stop and give me a second alone in peace. The rest of the school day was horrible I failed my history quiz and have a sixty nine in geometry. That was horrible to me because I was no less than a A or a B student I had to get my grades up.

School was over and I just felt like going home but Elena wouldn't let me because she wanted to talk.

"Erika hold on a sec, what's going on?"

I didn't say anything

"Come on tell me I hate seeing you like this."

"I'm fine ok stop asking"

"You're not fooling anybody Erika, what's going on is it money problems because if it is I can help you out, it wouldn't be a problem."

"No! I am fine now leave me alone."

I was about to get in my car when she said

"Is it about your dad leaving? I already knew Louis told me but I was just waiting for you, my best friend to tell me."

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything and starting to cry. I just got in the car shut the door and drove off. I didn't know how to handle all of this it felt like I was dieing inside and I had no way to survive

I got home and nobody was there I looked in the kitchen for a knife. When I held that knife in my hand I froze and slowly started to cut myself, the pain felt like nothing I've ever experienced, blood was running down my face as the tears were flowing out of my wrist.

I just laid there in the kitchen blood was everywhere.I felt peace and comfort like all my problems just washed away. I felt like that was my solution, my get away from life.

I heard someone come in it was my mom, ever since my dad left she's been depressed and not the chipper happy rich lady she usually is. She usually doesn't say much anymore and rarely looks at my brother. I wish I knew what was going through her mind. You could see the difference from a couple weeks ago intel now she looks sick, her skin is pale, she has dark circles under her eyes, her face and body looks really skinny and her hair is starting to break off. I miss my mom and her great glowing skin, light pretty long brown hair, brown eyes, cream skin. Great eyelashes and makeup with her name brand clothes and bags. That's the mom I used to know but that side is gone now and there's nothing I can do about it.

Part Six:

Elena keeps bothering me I know when your going through stuff you need a best friend but at the time I felt like no one can help me, I felt that I had a hole in my heart and everything around me was getting sucked into it like a black hole that I can't get away from.

It was spring break and I was so happy I had a week off from school, people and the stress of homework and quizzes. That was my week to relax but I already knew that wasn't going to happen. For the past couple of weeks Louis has been over Tyler's house and haven't came home he felt that was the best thing to do but to me it wasn't. My mom was really sick and I've been trying to contact Louis for days trying to tell him what's going on but no answer.

My mom hasn't eaten for almost a month now and her not eating is making her even more sick, she needed to eat something soon. It's been a couple of hours and still no response from Louis what is going on with him?

Tylers house:

"Are you going to go home soon?"said Tyler

"No why should I?"

" It's just you haven't talked to your family in weeks."

"I already told you my mom doesn't want to see me."

"Look at this 87 missed calls from Erika, you know there's something important if you have 87 missed calls from her, come on just consider going over there to check up on them."

"Huh.... Ok for you I will"

"It shouldn't be for me it should be for you, think about it"said Tyler as he walks away.

I was at the hospital with my mom and the doctors told me if she doesn't eat anything soon she could die think.

"Mom I'm sorry for everything, you are a great mom and I love you with all my heart no matter how down you are or what mood you're in you'll always and forever will be my mom no matter what you have done in the past."

"I... lo...ve... you...to..o"said Christina

I was shocked, that was the first time I've heard my mom speak in who knows how long.

"I'm so sorry things had to turn out this way."

"It's ok it's not your fault."

"It just seems like everything's falling apart" I said while crying

"Baby look at me, wipe those tears, there is no need to cry. Life is a roller coaster and everybody goes through life events that can not be explained and that's because things happen for a reason and even though we might not know that reason right now later on in time that answer will come clear as it can come. What doesn't kill you makes you stranger and don't forget that. That's one thing I forgot myself."

"Then why don't you eat something and stay here with me, don't leave me momma."

"I'm never going to leave you, you will always have me Erika, always."

The doctors said if she doesn't eat anything soon she could die. No one knew when but let's just say that was the first and last time I've heard my moms voice again.

"Hey I'm here, what's going on!"said Louis

I moved out of the way so Louis could see mom

"Mom? Mommy? Momma?! Mom!! No this can't be happening"cried Louis

"She's gone Louis" I said

"No! Don't say that shes ok shes ok. Come on mom say something, talk to me mom please, please say something. I'm sorry"

Louis was crying while holding my mom in his arms.

That day was the saddest day of my life. I couldn't imagine life without my mom. I was thinking what am I going to do?

"Erika?! Hey are you ok?"Said Elena while hugging Me

"Yeah I'm ok"

"You can stay with me as long as you need"

"No I'm fine I'll stay in the condo"

"If you are then I'm staying with you"

"No it's ok I'm fine Louis is staying with me."

"Ok well if you need anything just call me. Actually I'll call you."

"Alright."

"I love you Erika and don't forget that."

"I know."

I didn't want to show the pain I was feeling in front of everybody. I had to stay strong.

"Hey I'm here"said Tyler

"Hey." said Louis as he give Tyler a hug and squeezed him tightly

"Everything's going to be ok."whispered Tyler, "everything's going to be fine."

A couple of days has passed and it was time for me and my brother to plan are mothers funeral and trust me it was the most hardest thing I ever had to do.

"Morning."

"Morning" said Louis

"How did you sleep?" I asked

"Not so good but let's just get this over with."

"Ok well we have to find her a coffin and you know mom doesn't want a plain old coffin, we have to figure out if we want her to be cremated or not and we also need to make a list of family members so we can tell them the news."

"This is a lot and I just can't handle this right now."

"Someone has to do this Louis"

He didn't say anything but just walked back up the stairs with his coffee.

Now I had to plan this all on my own. Everything went as planned and I've gotten everything done and all my mothers wishes which was everyone had to wear colors and no black my mom didn't really like black and no crying she hated to see people cry and that was about it.

Everyone followed these wishes except one and that was the crying of course. Seeing my mom like that wasn't a good sight I couldn't hold back my tears and had to leave I couldn't stay and watch my mom just lay
there but I knew I had to stay and say a few words.

"My mom was a great woman, she was supportive, determined and she didn't let anyone stop her from doing what she think was right. She loved fashion and anything to do with clothes and she was the most happiest, preppies person I've met. She could light up your day in seconds. Even though sometimes she got on my nerves, I still love her and miss her alot. So this is to you mom, rest in peace."

My brother went on and said something but couldn't get it out because he was so emotional.

"My mom was great she was there for me always. She loved me for who I am and didn't judge, she was the only person in my life who was understanding. She understood everything I've told her and she made the best out of them. Her heart was filled with so much love and even though it was taken away from her by my d*bag of a father, I knew she was still in there somewhere. I love you mom always."

After Louis speech was over I turned around and I thought I seen my dad. I started to walk towards him but then he disappeared. Did he really come or was it just my self conscience making me think he was there? Well I didn't know so I walked back.

It was time for the final goodbye, it was really hard to let my mom go but I to. I gave my mom one last huge. When I hugged her, her body was cold, it felt like there was no one there but just skin. So then I sat my rose down and walked away. At that moment everything started to feel real, it actually felt like my mom was gone. That day was unexplainable I can't even tell you how I felt.

The pain inside seemed like it would never go away so I started to cut myself daily, it soon became my everyday thing. I wanted to stop but couldn't. Intel one day my brother caught me.

"What are you doing?"

"Just leave me alone Louis" I said

"No I'm not your sitting here hurting yourself I can't just leave and act like nothings going on. Give me the knife."

"No"

"Erika give me the knife now."

"No!" I said, my brother soon had to fight me for it while I screamed no like I was being killed.

"Give it back to me"

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself"

"Louis give that back."

"No"

He ended up throwing it outside the window into the pond

"You idiot look what you did"

"Erika, you need help"

"No I don't I'm fine"

"You're not fine"

"Does this look fine to you?"said Louis

He showed me my arms and legs and they had cuts all over them some were scarce.

"You're going to therapy."

"No I'm fine Louis."

"Erika, I love you and I hate to see you do something like this to yourself but I can't force you to do something you don't want to do, its all up to you."

I had to make a decision, that was really hard for me, I knew what my brother said was right but I asked myself, am I really ready? I had to give myself a answer. It took me some days but I finally figured out a answer.

Every day was a step to recovery. It was hard but I had to keep on pushing myself. I knew no one could help me but myself and that was only if I was willing to try and I did. Nobody can help someone unless they want to get help and that's what I had to find out on my own.

Day one of therapy was hard for me because I had to open up and let myself go letting the therapist guy see the real me and see how I really felt. I was so annoyed, they asked so many questions about what I felt about this and that. I hated explaining myself to people because when I did I felt so vulnerable. Therapy went on and I knew I was going to have to take it one day at a time. Each day I've gotten better, I learn new things about myself that I didn't even know and I also learned how to trust again but I wasn't quite done yet I still had a long way to go.

My brother stood by my side the whole way through therapy and was really supportive but that changed one day when I came home from therapy and there was a note.

Erika,
I'm sorry, me and Tyler found a place and we are moving. I didn't want to leave you but I need a fresh start. I will always and forever love you, and you know that and I feel bad for leaving you but I think it's time for me to move on and get on with my life. I wish you the best and I love you.

Love always Louis

When I read that letter I was heartbroken, I didn't know what to do. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, I was about to cut myself but I couldn't, I wanted to so badly but from what I learned I knew that wasn't the solution. I sat the knife down and cried, I let all my pain go, I let the pain from use going broke, my brother being gay, my dad leaving, my mom dying out and then I felt the right kind of peace for the first time in who knows how long and even though I was still a little hurting inside I knew I could survive this and that nothing can bring me down again.
After I got myself together I looked in Louise's room and everything was gone that's when it really popped in my head he was actually gone.

Now only if I can see my brother again. I haven't seen him since he left me thirty years ago and even though he left I still miss him alot and I soon forgave him for leaving me that day but I really do hope that I can see him again and I hope that day comes soon.

"What does it say?" said Tyler

"It's her diary of what happened thirty years ago." Said Louis

"Well we better get back out there I'm sure your sister would want her brother to be at her funeral.

"Yeah. Let's go."

And even though I never seen my dad or my best friend or my brother since, I can still rest in peace because even though my wish wasn't granted when I was here doesn't mean I can't still receive it there.