Piggy Snickles- Been There, Done That!
Hey! I know I’m not the average teenage girl you see in all public schools. I’m not the popular girl who dates the quarterback, but still makes out with the whole Baseball team. Nor am I the girl who the cheerleaders make fun of and wears a school uniform even when the school doesn’t have one. No! I am not any of the girls or the ones that fall in between them. I am Piggy Snickles. I am the person where people come and ask advice. I reply in the school’s newspaper. The school knows me as “Mrs. Kass- Been there, done that.” I know you all might be thinking, well doesn’t all schools have a secret advice column. Well, my answer is, yes you dumbasses. Sorry, sometime I still think I’m a teenager. Anyway, when I say I am not an average teenage girl, I meant it.

The reason why I am not an average high school girl is because I am not a high school girl. I am a secret reporter to the Chicago News. I am studying how they treat students individually, depending on their social groups. When I was offered this opportunity I couldn’t let it down. When they told me what school I was attending, I was hesitant but I was not allowed to decline without getting fired. I was so hesitant due to the fact that my youngest brother attends there. I gave him heads up so he knew what to be expecting.

My brother; Timmy Snickles, or as he goes by Tom Nickels, is the star quarterback in Chicago’s State High School. Like all other high schools, he is dating the head cheerleader- Nicole Levinstine.Who would really want to go out with a girl like that. I mean look at her, wearing nothing but her red and white cheerleader uniform. Anyways, my brother wasn’t the smartest from the batch. First there is Fredward and his intelligence for law enforcement. Then there is Sandra and her famous artwork. After her is me and you don’t want to hear my failure. Last, but not least there is Tom. Actually he isn’t smart at all. He passed high school by getting others kids to do his homework and cheats on test, like a typical jock. And his language that he speaks, I just don’t get it. Some of his conversations, while bullying a kid, go like this.

“Go suck a...a....a pickle! Yeah, a pickle. Go suck a pickle, Tom. And your jock friends,” says the geek with a whole lot of pride.

“Oooh. You want us to suck a pickle. Yo, your mom sucks pickles,” says my brother like he is so smart. Then all his friends shout, “Got ‘em” and give each other high fives. I don’t even know what benefits you get from sucking on a salted cucumber.

Anyways, my first day back in high school was hell. I dressed as if I was still in the eighties and act like a mom who tried her best not to embarrass herself in front of her children’s friends. Although no one paid any attention to me in the halls, I centered eyes in all classrooms. Especially in English.

“What a hoe,” shouted a random student. “Yeah, from That 70’s show!” And of course everyone laughed. Me being very self defensive, I responded, “Hey! It’s vintage; from the 80’s not 70’s.” There was a long pause and then everyone just laughed and threw paper balls at me. My teacher told me to just take a seat. I slouched down in my chair in dispute.

Second day and I dressed like a normal student with skinny jeans and a tank top. I had art today, first period. I was mostly known as the least artistic out of all my siblings. I apparently came in on a perfect day. We had to partner up and do full body portraits. I was partner up-ed with Nathan Trimmick. I sat down next to Nathan and we discussed what we would do for our project.

“Hey, names Nathan. Nathan Trimmick”

“Hey, I’m Pi..., Samantha. Samantha Petronia.” Whew! I almost blew my cover.

“So who's gonna draw who? I say I draw you. Only because you’re new and might not know what to do.”

“ Ok, well what should the theme of the portrait be. I have some ideas. We could do nature, vintage, old fashioned, or ballroom for a more authentic theme. Or, for a more fun theme we could do a rapper, graffiti, a geek, or a biker.” He just stared at me like I had my breakfast stuck in between my teeth. “Ummmm, ooh maybe I can dress up like Justin Bieber.”

Nathan laughed and responded with great interest in my idea, “Yeah! Especially since our teacher, Mrs. Beguiler, has Bieber fever. We would totally get an A on this project.”

“Great! We have our project. Meet me here tomorrow after school to get started.” I got up and left. I had to run all the way from the art room to my locker across the school. Golly gees, what a run.

The rest of the day was fine. Having classes and already knowing everything, eating lunch outside alone under a tree while reading The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway, seeing my brother hanging a freshman geek by his feet. I won’t say anything to him while at school because it might blow my cover. However, I do give him the full on bullying talk when we get home.

Later, Nathan and I met in the art room after school and started our project. I bought myself a Bieber wig, purple jacket, white jeans, and a JB hat. We laughed when I dressed up. A lot was accomplished at the end but we still have a lot of work. We decided to met in the art room after school on Mondays and Thursday.

Already a week back into high school, and I already made some great friends. Lola Kurdrow was my new best friend in high school. She introduced me to all her other friends- Tina, Keith, Drew, Fred, Angie, and Quinn. They all work in the school’s newspaper. The name of the paper is “Bull Horns News.” Lola offered me this job in the paper. She offered me the secret advice column. I get to pick my own title and answer anyone I want. I asked her why me. She said it was because a lot of people come up to me for advice and I give them some that seems to always benefit them in a good way.

I took the job with pride and started right away. I decided my title would be, “Mrs. Kass- Been There, Done That.” It seemed like a logical name for myself since I literally been there and done that. My first note was normal. It was about a girl who has a crush on a guy and the guy does not even recognize her around. I responded with care and love. Next thing you know they started going out. The more and more letters I got, the more weird and disturbing they got. One was about how to control himself from getting excited when he sees a certain girl. Another was about how to make your first time really romantic while it being in the bathroom. These weren’t easy to answer nicely so I started to answer with the full on truth but with a little sass and sarcasm.

Besides the secret advice column, on the ninth day Nathan and I met for our art project, he asked me out. I told him I had to think about it, but truth be told I really didn’t want to. However, my boss told me I had to and that this just might be my story. Then I asked him, “Well, I thought my story was about how teachers treat students based on their social groups.” He yelled at me with rage and telling me I have to go on this date, even though I really, really didn’t want to. He was like seven years younger than me. The next day I saw him I said yes.

He took me to the movies to go and see A Haunted House.. For our snacks we got popcorn, slushies, and pretzel nuggets. We went into the theater right on time. Fifteen minutes into the movie and I already screamed so many times. “Oh my god! Don’t go in there Daniel! Don’t! Don’t! AAAAAHHHHH! HOLY S***, SHE GOTS HIM! AHHHH! SOME ONE HELP HARRY POTTER!” I had no clue what was going on in the movie but I don’t mess with ghost, even if the movie was meant to be a comedy. The security people had to flash me out so I would stop screaming. To help me not scream I kept on eating. When I went to grab a pretzel it got stuck. I was determined to get it so I tugged on it really hard till I found out it wasn’t a pretzel.

“You need something? Maybe some salt. It won’t taste good without any,” whispered Nathan.

“Sorry I didn’t know it was your thumb.” I felt really embarrassed. Seriously, who mistakes a man's thumb for a pretzel nugget. I left that day with no useful notes but more disappointments in my life.

So It is the last day of school. Things didn’t end so well with Nathan. We did finish our project though. That being said, dating in high school was not my story. My story ended up being the letters I got, addressed to Mrs. Kass. I wrote about the drama and problems that regular students, losers, and popular high school students have. This story gave me a promotion and whole lot more pride. Of course I had to end my friendship with Lola and them. And my brother didn’t change one bit. Oh, now I know what they meant by a pickle. What can I say, have always been a little naive. What is wrong with kids these days? Anyways, school's out, scream and shout. No, it still doesn’t sound cool. Not even when the hot babe, Zac Efron, said in the movie, High School Musical. Well this is my last advice; make high school worth wild and live life fully while you’re young.

Yours Truly,

Piggy Snickles- Been There, Done That!