I’m not psycho.

But I did text you four times today.
Good Morning, baby: )

Right before I got in the car.
Good luck in math!

At 9:30 sharp. I know you’re in your seat right before the bell rings.
Have fun at practice!

Right after school.
Goodnight, baby: )
When the moon was high in the sky, looming behind the clouds I can see from my window.



You haven’t answered any of them.

But hey, it’s okay. I know you’re ‘busy’. Just like that time when I asked you to come home with me. Just to hang out, I said. But I really wanted to cuddle and leap into your lap, kiss the stubble that you like to leave unshaved on your neck. You gave me a little frowney face, which made your face seem twice as sexy, and you told me you had to ‘study’. Okay. So why does Blondie have to go home with you? I know she doesn’t live near you. Yeah, I followed her home once. Who cares? It wasn’t creeping…she dropped an earring. And besides, I have to look out for you. That’s what good girlfriends are for.
Ugh! I’m so sick of this. Sick of all this waiting. You’re always checking texts. I throw the phone at my wall. Screw you.


My phone is vibrating.
I grab for it, and fumble with my fingers to get it open.
Goodnight. I love you: )
I close my eyes and smile.
Okay, I forgive you.



Remember that one time we were talking? And we established that we would have three kids? After college, of course. And law school for you. Oh, and after the HUGE wedding where we feed each other cake bits, licking the icing off our noses; after you take off my garter with your teeth. Remember what we were going to name them? Owen Parker, Ross Christopher, and Paige Ashley? And you said they would be beautiful, just like me. And I laughed and said, Really, and you said, Yes gorgeous, and you kissed me right then and there, even though at school that day, your boys called you sprung. I like it when they say that. And I like when you brag about how pretty I am in front of me to those bitches who hang on your every freakin’ word, like fishes on hooks. How you tell them no one can do it like me. Whatever, assholes, call me a slut when my back is turned, lips moving so fast they look like hummingbird wings. Call me a hoe. But who’s dating the hottest guy around these parts? Not you, honey bunches of oats. Mwah, Mwah. Kiss it.



You’re “busy” again today. And you blew me off.
After telling me to quit being so fucking annoying.
What the hell are you staring at, Blondie?
I have something in my eye, that’s all.



I’m lying in bed.
Homework’s all done.
I did yours, too.
That 3 page essay was hard, but I did it.
That’s what good girlfriends are for, is what you’d say.
I’m holding the stuffed bunny you gave me yesterday.
You know I love bunnies.
He smells like you.
Musky, woodsy slash outdoorsy smell.
I named him Prince.


No texts yet.



I put on some lip gloss
And primp my hair.
Just in case you ask for a picture tonight.
Gotta stay looking good for you: )


I pick the phone up.
Should I text?
No, I shouldn’t.
Maybe I should apologize.
I was kinda clingy today.
I shouldn’t have asked you about Blondie.
I was wrong to think she was more than your friend.
You wouldn’t do that to me.
I have guy friends, so you should be able to have girl friends.
My phone is vibrating.
I thrust it open.
I’m sorry about 2day baby, it says.
No, baby, I’m sorry. I shuldn’t hav asked u tht.
You know I wouldn’t play you like that.
I’m sorry: (
Yeahh…
Can we talk on the phone 2nite?
Later. Send me sum pics: )



I comb through my hair. Pucker up my lips.
I’m forgiven.



Remember when you came over my house last night? When my parents let me have you over? And all of a sudden you got on top of me? After we finished watching Saw. And you said, Let’s do it, in my ear. And shivers ran up my spine when you kissed my neck and tore off your shirt. By the way, your abs? Heavenly. And I got scared and said No, I don’t wanna f***. And you breathed, It’s not f*ing, it’s making love. I wanna show you that I love you. And I took a deep breath and let you take off my Miss Me jeans. And I saw you pull out a condom and I said, No let’s not use one. I want your kids now: ), cuz I wasn’t thinking straight, and you looked at me all weird and laughed and said I was crazy. And it felt so good and I didn’t want to stop and I was so relaxed the whole time. And you put back on your shirt and kissed me again. And I said I loved you. And you said you’d call me later.

But you didn’t.




I only texted you twice today.

Heyy sexy: p

No answer.
So I send it again.
And I wait.

Whats up.
You say.

No smiley face. No ‘baby’.
So what? Quit freakin out.
Did he like last night?
Did I look good?

I had a good time last night: )


I wait ten. Freakin. Minutes.
The bell rings.
School’s over.


Yeahh…


You walk out with Blondie.
Wipe that slimy smile off your face, skank.
He’s still mine.



“Baby, where you been? I haven’t seen you all day.”
“Around…”
Why is Blondie standing so close to you? What happened to ‘just a friend’?
Why are your eyes so cold? So distant?
“Can we talk for a sec?”
I hold my books against me, keeping my heart from beating out of my chest. I want Blondie to take the hint and leave. And quit trying to hold your hand. The wind blows and I inhale your smell. Then, I sneeze cuz Blondie’s stinky perfume replaces it. Hmm. I wonder what it’s called.
Bitchy Berry? Or Already Popped Cherry?
I glare at her, willing her to get her ass outta here.
Outta my life, preferably.
You turn to her and gently push her to the benches nearby.
Yeah, b****, he wants to talk to his girlfriend.
So leave.


“Baby, can you wait for me over there?”
Baby? I look at you, question marks in my eyes. She nods and walks away. I clutch my books tighter.

“What.” You say. I blink. Where’s that smile of yours?
“I-I was just wondering if………..”
What was I wondering? Was it why you didn’t call? Why you called that girl, yeah the one putting on eyeliner on the bench, why you called her baby? Why I didn’t see you at all today?

You sigh.
Guess I’m wasting valuable playtime with Blondie for you.
“What’s going on?” I choke out.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do. You’ve been acting iffy lately.”
“No, I haven’t.”
You’re not looking at me. You’re looking at her.
“Why’d you call her baby?”
Tears fill up to the brim of my eyes.
I want you to catch them in your hands.
And while you’re at it, catch me too.
Cuz I’m definitely falling.


You sigh again.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“BUT I’M YOUR BABY!”
Oh s***. I yelled that one.
Blondie looks over.
I hope it made her smear her stupid eyeliner.

“Calm down. It wasn’t like it meant anything. You knew what I wanted from the get-go.”
I shake my head hard no, I didn’t, but I know deep down that I did.
The pictures, the bs, last night…every thought falls with a tear.
A tear you don’t bother apologizing for.

“Look, I’ll see you around.”
You walk with Blondie, and grab her hand.
I watch you make her laugh, watch her look at you with irises smothered in awe, buttered in love.
You get in your car with her and drive off.
There’s no need to follow.
I know where you’re going.
Cuz I went there too.

My phone is vibrating in my pocket.
It feels eerie and mysterious against my thigh.
I take it out, praying it’s you.
Hoping maybe you’ve come to your senses.
That I’m better than a one night stand.
That I can make you happy.
I open it up.

Your father and I won’t be home til late 2nite. Be home by 12. Love you.


I shut it and walk to my car.
Blondie’s not the only one who’s scored a date tonight.



I’ve decided.
Nope. It’s too late now.
No turning back.
I’ve decided.
I get in the car.
Turn on some hardcore rap.
Bass all the way up.
I start the engine.
Drive to your house.
My phone is silent, no echoes of a ring to let me know someone special has texted.
Oh, darling dear, won’t you like this nice surprise?

I’m in front of your house.
I hope she’s in there, too.
I look up to the 2nd story’s biggest window, where your bedside desk rests behind it.
I see a glimmer of blond hair.
Perfect.
I go up to the door.
Oh, god……
No. No turning back now.
I’ve decided.
Hi, Mrs.! Is your son home?
Why, yes, he’s upstairs. Come on in: )
Thank you!
She walks back into her room in the back.
Probably gonna do her “yoga sesh”.
Hope she can’t hear upstairs.
Cuz your little son is f*ing a whore.
I take the stairs two-by-two.
All the nerves I had have been scattered on the stairs behind me, dead and limp.
I get to your door.
Knock gently.
The music blaring from those $1,000 speakers I bought you—yes, $1,000—stops abruptly.

“Yeah, Mom?”
I open the door.
Pull out Daddy’s pistol.
Blondie gasps.
You stumble back, like the wimp that you are.
I smile.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” I say.
BAM! BAM!
Oops.

I’m not psycho.
But you did deserve it.