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Once upon a time…” Such a time-honoured beginning; normally followed by an engrossing fairytale about love at first sight and living happily ever after. These tales gave children hope for a better life, an ending that like their story books was happy. We were greatly deceived. Or, at least, I was. I am sure there are some people out there that found their soul mate after but a glance and have never looked back, they probably had a glamorous wedding, lots of children and lived, as the cliché goes, happily ever after. Sure, this is a possibility, there is a chance it actually happened, is happening and continues to happen to those lucky people all over the world. I am not so lucky.
That enchanting line throughout history has captivated people with its stories is inappropriate for my purpose. My story, a story about loss, despair, broken hearts and no happy endings. Of course, this is because of me and my bad decisions that have led me through this life of pain, I have been through some things that, well, I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
Are you curious? Maybe you are wondering just what I have been through? I advise you not to get too curious about me, or my life, it could prove to be a mistake, what you could learn is horrifying. But obviously you have chosen to continue and read about me I only hope you come to your senses and stop reading. Curiosity killed the cat you know… but then again, satisfaction brought it back.
I shall start at the beginning or a part of it anyway, when you think about it I personally started when I was conceived although, those are details I wish to never know. I was born on February 14th, a valentine baby, I think this was the world’s own little joke a way to tease me as, unknown to me at that point in life, I would never have a valentine or know true love. I have thought myself in love once it was a marvellous thing, even though it was false, but I will get to that later…
My mother was a dancer, she was beautiful, tall, and graceful with midnight black hair that she rarely cut, it was as long as her back and more. Mama had chocolate brown eyes that people just melted in, and was part Greek so she had olive skin and a slight accent. Everything about her was just amazing and exotic. She even had a beautiful name, Rose, just like the flower, nobody knew her last name and she never told, for mama it was just Rose. She was a simple lady who loved me greatly; she told me that everyday right up until she died. I could talk about my beloved mother for hours, I love her so much! Sadly, she fell into the wrong crowd at a young age this was how she met my father.
Dad was, and still is, a street boxer; he was one of the best, everyone, including me, feared him. I don’t know how my mother came to meet him or even love him; I personally think her love was wasted as he never returned it. Dad is tall and he has big muscles, brown hair cut short and stormy grey eyes; the makings of my nightmares. He was caught by mama’s beauty and fell in lust, not love but lust; he bought her all kinds of pretty things and treated her like an angel just so he could get her into his bed. And poor mama fell for it, she believed his illusion of love and I was created.
Mama always said that she was terrified when she found out she was pregnant but when I came into the world she felt nothing but love and gratitude. It was this terror that drove her to tell daddy she was pregnant; she had hoped he would help and would do the right thing and marry her. When she told him, that fantasy was shattered, she learnt that he had never actually loved her and it was lust that made him do all those things. But mama was persistent, she was the only person who never feared him, so she kept asking until he finally gave in to marry her.
It was a quick little ceremony with only a few of mama’s friends, nobody showed up for daddy. I sometimes wonder if all the fear he instilled in people caused him to have no friends. He must have been lonely.
Daddy moved into mama’s little 2 bedroom apartment with her and 5 months after this move I was born; in the bedroom during the early hours of the morning with the neighbour, who was luckily a midwife, helping out while daddy was busy getting drunk in the kitchen. Daddy never cared for me, if he could avoid me and anything to do with me he would, he never loved me or mama and that broke her heart.
I will never forget the day I lost my mama, I can remember it so clearly, it was late and daddy was yet to arrive home, mama was worried. She always worried about him, praying that, on nights like this one; he was safe and would return home soon. I think it just became too much for her to handle, I could see my beloved mama was troubled, fighting an emotional war. She had been in the kitchen, I’m not sure what she was doing but whenever she was stressed or worried she would cook.
Then she came over to me and gave me a tight hug telling me everything was going to be okay and that daddy would be home soon. This wasn’t unusual, she did this more as a way to comfort herself then me, I was always happiest when daddy was not home.
So mama walked out the door, unknown to me that was the last time I would see her, turning back she looked over her shoulder,
“I love you my baby Lilly always have and always will,” she whispered, just loud enough for me to hear.
With that she blew me a kiss and walked off. This was a strange act followed by those bizarre words, no doubt she always said she loved me but the way her eyes had sparkled with tears and she had hugged me so tight that I feared my dinner would come up. When she left the apartment I felt a sense of doom, of regret, a feeling that something was seriously wrong but I didn’t understand. How could I? I was a mere 10 years old.
About 5 minutes later while I was gazing out the window at the beautiful globe of a full moon I saw a figure atop the building across the street and I knew. I don’t know how, maybe it was recognition of that graceful dancers figure or the way her long hair flowed with the wind. Whatever it was, I knew it was my mama, I didn’t know why she was standing there, but I wish I had stopped her.
The glint of tears shone in the moonlight as she turned her face up and to my horror jumped! I watched in a stunned silence as she spread out her arms and fell the 26 floors to the ground below. Her dress billowed around her like a cape until she disappeared from sight.