I Followed the Beats of my Heart... | Teen Ink

I Followed the Beats of my Heart...

December 4, 2007
By Anonymous

I followed the beats of my heart, one pulse, and one step. Left then right like a march. Soon there are others around me. We are all following one pulse one step. What are we running to? I don’t know. The water goes on for miles. I can see nothing else, but this great winding river. I watch the trees travel forward. The farther away the get, the closer I come. Soon, I cannot run any longer. It is as though my heart’s pulse had ended. I stand. Watching the fully grown trees hit the horizon. They disappear. As if they were never there. In a instant I’m standing on that shore again. Standing there with a multitude of people, I know I just ran miles, but why am I back here? I look up. There he is, it’s Jesus. I can’t tell anyone else. There are no words to describe this man. He is amazing in all that he does. I don’t understand what he does or why he does it. But what just happened? That moment, that was heaven. That was truly the most wondrous thing I have ever seen. I chased fully grown trees miles down a river, only to have them disappear the moment I stop. What does this all mean? Am I learning something here? Is all my life but a waste if I stop living it?

I have stopped living my life, haven’t I? The past few months with everything that’s going on, I’ve stopped! I can’t believe it. Have I truly given up on every hope, every being? Are my worst fears finally here? I’m living a lie. I am a living lie. I always preach about how you’ve got to stay focused and don’t give up because you never know what’s going to happen, when you’re going to gain epiphany. When one day you’re going to wake up and realize, it’s all okay. But I’ve done exactly the opposite! I’ve given up on this life. I’ve let it all go. I don’t care if I wake up in the morning, I don’t care if I can go to work or if I make it out the door. I just don’t care! Seeing Jesus perform a miracle has truly opened my eyes to something else. I’ve stopped. Just as my heart seemed to have stopped as I was chasing the trees, I’ve stopped. It wasn’t my heart, it was my soul. I’ve STOPPED living.

Now I’m scared. Will I disappear like the trees did? In an instant can I be erased from the world? Who will remember me? Who will make sure I still exist after death? By God, what’s going to happen to me? This isn’t the life I wanted! I never signed up for this.

“Teacher, you call yourself Jesus, a simple man from Nazareth, but who are you truly? You have preformed a great miracle here, you are no ordinary man. Teacher, you are a man of the gods. You have shown me myself, this experience…”

Jesus answered me in a rebuking tone, “I am not a man of the gods, but a man of the God.” he calmed. “Brother, I know who you are. You are the man from the mountain. You preach your word about not giving up on life, yet here before me you stand, and you yourself have given up. I know that in your heart you struggle. You preach what you think you know, never what you do know. Come, follow me! And you will see how to live your life.” He smiled.

I nodded. Within a few hours I was with Jesus. I had nothing, yet I wanted nothing. I followed him. A few days later, I understood life. I regained the trust and strength in myself to live life yet again. I preach. I learn. I teach. I am a disciple of Christ.

This will certify that the above work is completley orginal.

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