Everywhere I go I feel trapped. I pace the house nervously looking for an escape. Everywhere I look I am cornered by a new reminder, a new responsibility, a new person someone wants me to be. I sigh in frustration, choking back tears, calling out for help. No one hears me. Please, I yell, I can’t do this anymore, but all that answers is a mooching echo then a still silence. I am alone.
The weight of the world pushes down on my shoulders and I fear dropping everything. Fear the moment of helplessness when I would watch my life shatter around me.
Desperate and frightened I began to run. Out the door, into the street and away; however, I cannot out run my life. It follows me, stalking me like some unseen predator. I closed my eyes and ran. I let the sadness seep from my hidden core, fueling my legs, urging my body to move faster. I cried away the strife of my old life and with the tears slipped the memories, the pain, the people, and the voices chasing me.
I wasn’t sure how long I ran; but, soon I no longer felt the need to run. No longer did the voices of the past whisper in my mind. No longer did the burden weigh me down. No longer did I know the fear, the anger or the pain that had once consumed me.
My eyes strained open. I looked around. I did not know where I was. I was utterly and hopelessly lost. With a long awaited sigh of relief, I lay down in the sparse grass. Looking to the unfamiliar sky, I closed my eyes again, only this time they were not clenched in anguish but relaxed in peace. I was free from the burden of being known, of having a self, dreams, and expectations to live up to. I was at peace. I was free and now I could rest.