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I Am You
“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.”
William James said that. But it’s fairly hard to just completely disregard everything that’s happened to you in the past and simply move on. Wouldn’t you agree?
Personally, I’ve never been good at acceptance. I get upset all the time, my thinking is completely irrational, and honestly there aren’t too many people in the world that don’t make me want to shoot myself. I’ll admit it; I’m not a tolerant person
So needless to say, I’m a socially awkward teenager. I’m that kid who sits behind you in class, who you know is probably pretty nice, but always seems to be scowling at nothing in particular and thus seems hard to approach. I’m the one that sits with a big group in the cafeteria but never contributes to the conversation because they’re afraid they’ll be laughed at –that’s right, even us weird kids think about things like that.
But I got off base there for a minute. We’re not supposed to be talking about me. We’re supposed to be talking about acceptance. That’s another issue I have. I tend to be self-absorbed. No matter what the subject is, I can always spin a conversation back to myself. It’s a terrible habit and I hate myself for it. I’m trying to fix it.
But there I go again, getting off topic.
Why aren’t you working harder to keep me focused? This is all your fault you know. Usually I’m really good at keeping myself on track. It’s only when I’m talking to you that I get turned around and spun in circles to the point that I forget what I was trying to say in the first place.
Oops. There I go again, blaming others for things that I’ve done. I do that sometimes. It’s not my fault though, I swear it’s not.
But anyway I really wanted to talk to you about something but I can’t remember what it is. Thanks to that c*** my friends and me started doing last year my mind doesn’t always function at maximum capacity if you know what I mean.
Don’t look at me like that. It’s not like I wanted to do drugs. Peer pressure sucks, you and I both know it. You’ve been through it; you know what I’m saying. When the choice is saying no to your friends and spending Saturday night alone or getting high and chilling with your friends you’re going to get high right?
That’s what I thought. I hate people like you. People who think they’re better than I am when they know nothing about me. People think that since I hang out with a certain group of people I only like the things they like.
Don’t you hate that about high school? You have to pick one thing to like and if you stray from your respective subject matter you’re looked at like you’re a complete loon. There are these imaginary walls that I see in my school cafeteria. These walls separate the room into about ten or twelve smaller rooms –all of which had doors that connect them to a central hallway. The rooms all contain groups of people with one thing in common. They all hate the people from the other rooms. There’s no particular reason for it. But room one hates room three because room three plays sports and they’re jealous of their talent. And room three hates room eight because they dress in all black. And room eight hates everyone but room eleven, whom they don’t even think is worthy of their acknowledgment. And room eleven wants nothing more than to make their way to room six where everyone is always laughing and having a great time.
Watching it all makes me feel like I’m spying because I’m the only one that can see through these walls. Everyone seems to think that they’re so thick and unbreakable. But the truth is that they’re paper thin and getting smaller and more fragile by the day.
But you already knew that, didn’t you? Because you are me, or rather, I am you. I represent everything you hate about yourself. All of your insecurities, all of your most horrendous attributes, can be reflected in my eyes and in the eyes of every teenager in the world. We are united, you and I, because although you might think that you can live without me, you’re wrong. I am doubt –destroy me. I am shame –leave me behind.
I am you –never forget me.