"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to... hello? Heeeellloooooo??? Is there anybody out there? Oh. Good. I knew someone had to be listening. As I was saying, good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our evening program. I know this week's episode is entitled "Ranting of a Lost Soul" but our scheduled entertainment has temporarily fled the country. Besides, there will be no ranting today. You see, today is a special day - today is my happy day. Very rarely am I able to see a happy day through without someone ruining it.

"Glad 'er day was so bloody fantastic."

"Now, to start the celebration, I will begin with a brief -

"Hehe, we said 'brief'."

"Ahem. You'll have to excuse the voices - they like to butt in. As I was saying we will begin with a brief-"

"HA! The sodding cow said it again!"

"I beg your pardon, but you'll have to excuse me for a moment...

*Low, disgruntled voices are heard, followed by a series of odd chinking sounds, then silence.*

" AS I WAS SAYING, WE WILL BEGIN WITH A BRIEF - "

*Silence.*





*Sigh*

"OY! LET ME OUTTA THIS CONTRAPTION, YA BLEEDIN' WENCH!!! I SWEAR THE MINUTE I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GONNA - "

"GGRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

*Runs off screaming.*


-------------------- DUE TO ITS GRAPHIC AND VIOLENT NATURE, THE REMAINDER OF THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN TERMINATED ---------------------------