Jack's Tisted Fairy Tale Adventure | Teen Ink

Jack's Tisted Fairy Tale Adventure

June 23, 2009
By Lonnie BRONZE, Livingston, Montana
Lonnie BRONZE, Livingston, Montana
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Jack was a young man of eighteen. He had dark brown hair, light blue eyes, perfect tan skin, and soft lips, he was like the perfect fairy tale knight-and-shining armor. Even though Jack and his father were extremely poor, they enjoyed their lives in their little cottage, so many memories happened here. Every morning, Jack would get up, go outside to his dried up dirt garden, and water it.

Even though he only made his dry dirt into mud, he would always wish a miracle would happen, but in this fairy tale story . . . it does! As he watered his dirt, he sighed and gave up all his hopes of anything.

“What is the point? Nothing great is going to happen anyway! Might as well just pack up and leave since our landlord is kicking us out unless we grow a successful garden full of fruits, vegetables and crops!” Suddenly, something truly amazing happened, a tiny elderly woman wearing a light blue robe and little tiny wings on her back appeared. The little lady had a long white wand with a star at the end, indicating where her magic came from.

“Don’t fret Cinderella! I’m your fairy god mother! And I have come today to turn your pumpkins into a carriage, and your little smelly rodents into gassy horses to take you to the ball!” Jack looked at her and shook his head as she spoke,

“No thank you fairy god mother. My name isn’t Cinderella, it’s Jack, and all I want is for my garden to grow so my landlord doesn’t kick us out!” The fairy god mother looked at Jack and let out an embarrassed laugh,

“Oh my dear Mack, I’m terribly sorry. I get my names mixed up!” Jack gave her a smile and said,

“Jack,” to correct her for calling him Mack.

“Now my dear Lack, what was it you wanted?”

“It’s Jack, and I wanted my gardens to grow into crops, fruits and vegetables so our landlord can’t kick us out.” The fairy god mother gave a cheery laugh then said,

“I’m very sorry Jack, but I can’t do that!”

“It’s...wait, yeah you got it! And why not?”

“My magic can only be used to transform, but I can make a magical beanstalk grow out tall and strong?” Jack shrugged his shoulder and said,

“What the heck? Will it find me a magical seed tp help grow my garden though?” The fairy god mother didn’t listen, she waved her magic wand and instantly, a gigantic beanstalk grew out of the ground and into the heavens. The two looked at each other,

“No Hijack, go, and may your wishes come true!”

“Jack,” said Jack in an annoyed voice, then the fairy god mother snapped,

“Shut up and get up in the darn beanstalk!” Jack began climbing and didn’t even bother to look down, but when he was finished climbing, he found himself on a cloud and right in his direction, was a beautiful golden bed with a sleeping beauty upon it. Jack went over to the maiden and planted a kiss on her soft and beautiful lips. Slowly, he lifted his head and saw the maiden slowly awake and behold her dazzling blue eyes.

The sleeping beauty looked at him, Jack said,

“Hi.” The maiden opened her eyes wide, then screamed out as loud as she could,

“HELP! HELP! SOMEBODY HAS COME TO CAPTURE ME! GUARDS! HELP! HEEELP!” Jack looked around, nobody came, so he looked at the maiden and said,

“You crazy, psychotic, twisted woman!” Jack went to take one step away, but instantly fell through, he could still here the maiden screaming. Jack flew down a long way, but that was until he landed on a soft, wiggly object. Once Jack looked up, he saw a poor peasant boy and a young looking girl staring curiously at him.

“Aladdin?” asked Jack as he rubbed his head for landing on Aladdin’s magic carpet. Jack turned his attention to the young lady and said in a shock, “JILL?” Jill started crying, then wailed out,

“I’m so sorry Jack! We were suppose to go up the hill to fetch a pale of water, but . . . Aladdin . . . kidnapped me, and I was . . . ,” began Jill when Aladdin cut her off,

“Kidnapped you? Whoa, whoa, whoa! You came onto me!” Jack’s eyes went wide with disbelief. Jill looked at Jack,

“You know he’s lying right?”

“LYING? You think I would lie about this!”

“Whatever,” said Jack as he rolled off and fell to the ground again, as he fell, he could hear Aladdin telling Jill,

“Jasmine was right, I’m just a big moron!” As Jack fell, he this time landed on a gigantic mushroom that was in the middle of a plain land with grass surrounding it. Jack rubbed his head,

“Where am I now? And when will I get that magical seed?” Suddenly, he heard the grass rustling, and out popped a white rabbit. Jack got a closer look and heard the rabbit saying,

“I’m late, I’m late!” Jack looked around and realized he was in wonderland.

“Wonderland?” asked Jack when suddenly a blonde teenage girl popped out of the grass and said panting,

“Oh . . . Mr . . . Rabbit!”

“No time! No TIME!” said the rabbit. The teen girl took an exhale and said,

“Alice will NOT take this!” She dug in her pocket and pulled out two darts with pink feathers, then she took out a long tube. Alice popped the two darts into the tube, aimed at the white rabbit, then blew into it two times. Two darts hit the white rabbit in the leg. Jack’s eyes went wide, then saw the white rabbit say,

“Time . . . no thanks! . . . psycho blonde little . . . twiddle!” Then he fell to the ground, drooling and the leg with two darts sticking out twitching. Alice put the tube in her pockets, walked over to the rabbit and said,

“Now Mr. Rabbit!” She grabbed his leg and dragged the rabbit away and disappeared behind the grass, “now Alice will have soup!” Jack looked around, terrified she might come back, then he said out loud,

“I wanna go back to my cottage! I wanna go back to my cottage, forget that stupid little imaginary seed!” Suddenly, the mushroom went into the ground, then sprang back up, flinging Jack into the sky. Jack started falling again, and this time where he landed really hurt. Jack looked up and saw castles, like a mansion neighborhood but with castles.

“Where am I now?” asked Jack starting to get mad. Suddenly, a woman with skin as white as snow walked by with two little midgets holding up her dress to allow her to walk, and five more midgets walking behind her looking board.

“Hurry up you seven! Sometimes I swear dwarves are absolute lazy!”

“But snow white, we’re tired! We’ve been walking for twelve hours!” said a dwarf in red. Snow white turned around,

“What was that bashful?” The dwarf stopped,

“Nothing Snow!” Snow white kept glaring at the dwarf, then turned back around.

“If we hurry, we can stop Repunzel from getting rescued!” Snow White laughed, “she will be captured forever and will end up being fat, while I walk the streets pretty and skinny!”

“Needs more work!” sniggered Sneezy when he let out a grateful sneeze, all the dwarves laughed nonstop. Snow white stopped and turned around,

“Who said that!” No one answered, “do want me to turn this around? Cuz I will!”

“We’re sorry your gratefulness!” Snow white looked at all of them, curling up her nose,

“That’s what I thought!”

“Why do you even hate Repunzel for anyway?” asked Angry.

“Because, she’s a stuck-up snob who thinks she’s all that, but she ain’t!”

“So why are we going to see her then?” asked Happy, who was looking not to happy.

“Because, Dopey and Sleepy will sneak into her castle, and when she let’s down her cobwebbed hair, Sleepy will fall asleep on her so she’ll fall and be trapped, and Dopey will cut her hair, and she will be TRAPPED FOREVER!” Snow white let out a victory laugh, then said, “come on you little munchkins, we’re gonna go fetch us some hair!” As she walked away laughing, all seven dwarves yawned and rolled their eyes, but they followed her anyways.

“Crazy princess!” said Jack as he walked away. “This is great, GREAT, I wish for a garden, and that whacked out hag sends me on this crazy adventure! What am I even learning?” Suddenly, a bear roared which caused him to stop in terror. “What was that?” Out of nowhere, he was knocked down by a little girl with golden locks.

“Get out of my way weirdo!” she said in a terror-stricken hurry.

“Goldilocks?” asked Jack. She made a mean face and said,

“No, I’m Britney Spears, GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Jack and Goldilocks got up, “they’re after me! The three bears!”

“What did you do?” asked Jack in an angry tone, (he was getting frustrated running into all these people), “eat their porridge?”

“No!” she snapped, “me and the baby bear were playing, and he got me wet an accident, and I smacked him in the face!” Jack’s face went long,

“You smacked a bear?”

“No, smacked a WALRUS! Now get out my way, they’re probably looking . . . ,” began Goldilocks when suddenly a bear wearing overalls, (pappa bear), and a bear wearing a pink bathrobe, (momma bear), found Jack and Goldilocks,

“GOLDILOCKS!” yelled the Pappa bear. Goldilocks screamed as the momma bear picked her up, then the pappa ear approached Jack, “are you her big brother?”

“Never met her before in my life!” said Jack quickly when the two bears smiled and disappeared in a cornfield. Suddenly, Goldilocks screamed and the cornfield violently shook. Jack shrugged then said out loud,

“FAIRY GOD MOTHER! PLEASE JUST TAKE ME HOME!” Suddenly, Jack found him on a trail in the middle of a forest. “Oh now where am I?” asked Jack absolutely furious! Suddenly, he heard someone coming, then out from behind the trees came a little girl in red tug-o-warring over a wolf with 3 little pigs.

“He’s my big bad wolf!” said the girl in red.

“Little Red Riding Hood?” asked Jack.

“No, he’s our wolf!” said all 3 pigs at once.

“The 3 little pigs?” The cast stopped directly in Jack’s way, so he just stood there and watched.

“Let go, he’s going to dress up as my grandmother!”

“No, he’s going to blow down our houses!”

“Little Red Riding Hood fighting with the 3 little pigs for the wolf?” asked Jack in a face that could not believe his luck, “all I want is a stupid wish, and that come true, and now im watching pigs fighting for a wolf! What the . . . ,” began Jack when the wolf got free and ate all the pigs at once. Little Red Riding hood ran away screaming bloody murder, but the wolf had his attention on Jack.

“You boy! Come here!” said the wolf. Jack could not move, so the wolf walked up to him and said, “my what big eyes I have, I’ll huff and puff and blow you away!” The wolf suddenly stopped. “Man I’m not right in the head. Anyway. . . .”

“FAIRY GOD MOTHER!” snapped Jack when he disappeared just before the wolf bit down on him. Jack opened his eyes and saw that he was looking at his dead gardens. He exhaled comfortably and relaxed. “No more fairy tales!”

Out of this whole thing, Jack did learn something . . . fairy tale woman are psychotic, and animals are vicious. But out of the whole adventure, Jack’s wish finally came true, his garden grew and they were able to stay. It was a good life until the adventure happened all over agin, in the sequel!

The End

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This article has 2 comments.

Lonnie BRONZE said...
on Feb. 5 2010 at 5:26 pm
Lonnie BRONZE, Livingston, Montana
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Emiey said...
on Jul. 9 2009 at 2:40 am
That was a great story! lol i really enjoyed it!