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Bill and John Go to the Cinema
I walked into the movie theater, popcorn in hand, and sat next to my best friend of twenty-five minutes. We’d met in the comment section of a Ryan’s Toy Review video, where we were both trying to scam kindergarteners with spam links, and each recognizing a kindred spirit, we had resolved to meet in person at the John Paris Amphitheatre, a cheesy 1950s looking movie house with a busted up marquis and two screens.
“Hi John,” I said
“Hi Bill,” said John.
We sat in silence for a moment when suddenly a thought occurred to me.
“John,” said I
“Bill,” said John
“Is this Rango?”
John considered the screen as if he was seeing it all anew.
“Well, yes Bill, I suppose it is,”
“Odd, isn’t it? To be playing Rango in 2015?”
“No, I wouldn’t say, Bill.”
“Yeah, no, it’s the only movie this screen plays. I’ve been watching it for a while now,”
“Hasn’t it only just started?”
“Yeah, no, Bill, it’s been years, man,”
Christ, thought I
“Years you say?”
“Yeah I’d say so man, ‘bout ten years,”
“Rango didn’t even come out ten years ago,”
John looked at me as though I were a fool, and I had to admit, it stood to reason.
“So you’ve been here that whole time?”
John checked his Burger King licensed Boba Fett wristwatch.
“Uhhh yeah Bill, yeah, I’d say so,”
“Ever tempted to leave?”
This struck me as odd.
“Any reason why not?” I queried, justifiably.
“Someone’s gotta watch Rango, Bill,”
I thought for a moment.
“I mean yeah John. Someone’s gotta watch Rango,”
“My thoughts exactly,”
We sat in silence for a moment, and took Rango in, viewing the distressingly photorealistic CG lizard in all his vaguely unsettling glory.
“Say John,” said I, after a spell.
“Yea Bill,” said John
“You wanna go grab a drink?”
John breathed in through his teeth.
“Gotta watch Rango”
We finished the sentence together.
“What would happen if no one did?” asked I.
“Someone’s got to,” replied John.
“Yeah,” said I, “I know, but hear me out, what if? Why’s someone gotta do it?”
“He might get out,”
“No, couldn’t do,”
“Yeah but like, what if he did?”
“Just a Johnny Depp lookin’ lizard wandering around beating women?”
“I heard he didn’t actually do that,”
“Yeah but I heard he did something else,”
“Don’t rightly know there, Bill,”
We sat for another moment.
“Do you think he can see us?” said John.
“Course not,” said I.
“Why d’you say?”
“He’s a movie, John. S’not real,”
“Ah,” said John. He had not considered this.
The movie ended.
“What’s showing next?” I asked
“Probably uhhh....” John checked his phone.
“Rango?” I ventured
“Yeah! Howja know?”
“Just a hunch John, just a hunch,”