I am Seedy, a pumpkin. I resided outside the home of Cinderella. I was, thankfully, never made into a pie.

I witnessed many things. Cinderella’s stepsisters were horrid yes, but not ugly. They were both average looking.

One day, the sisters and their mother left to a ball. Cinderella came outside an hour later and sat on a bench. She had tears on her cheeks. I hated tears. Tears led to anger, which led to kicking. And kicking was bad, very bad.

Suddenly, and old woman popped out of nowhere. If I were human, I would have screamed and peed myself.

“ I am your fairy-god-mother, Cinderella,” she said. She sounded bored. “ Find me four mice, a lizard, and a… pumpkin. Then you can go to the ball.”

“ But I look like poo!” Cinderella wailed. The old woman sighed.

“ Just do it, okay?” she asked. Cinderella nodded and got to work. She found the mice and the lizard. They were turned into four white horses and a half-naked coachman. Then she turned her attention to me. I didn’t want to be part of this screwed up plot, but I had no choice. The old woman waved her hand lazily and I grew into a stagecoach. I sighed. I watched as Cinderella’s dress turned into gold. She was clean and pretty. She and the hunk-of-a-coachman climbed in.

“ You have until midnight, got it?” the old woman asked. We drove toward the castle. There were people everywhere. A zombie helped out Cinderella.

It was a long time before Cinderella came out. She only had one shoe and she was all flustered. I really wanted to tell her she looked like crap, but, you know, no mouth. Anyway, we went home.

I was suddenly a pumpkin again, and the next thing I knew, Cinderella was sitting on me and I was in pieces. She looked like poo again. Well, I was put back in the garden. In pieces. I rotted and became part of the Earth. I also got my 72 pumpkin virgins in heaven.