How do you become your own person when society only sees you as half of a whole? I ask this because I live it. As a fraternal twin, it’s easy to be compared. Fraternal twins are closer to being siblings than identical twins, but when it comes to anyone we encounter, they think we are the same. But we are not. We are different in amazing ways.
Growing up, I didn't know that being a twin was unique or cool because I was immune to it. My family consisted of twins. My mom was a twin, I had cousins who were twins, and I was a twin. As a child, I was outgoing. Always talking and always moving. My sister was quieter than I was, still pretty outgoing, but also different. As I grew older, being a twin became harder for me because I felt I could never be my own person or do anything for myself. As twins, we share a birthday. We share a graduation. We share friends. We share clothes. We share everything. Something we didn't share were things like looks, intelligence, and personality. For my whole life, my sister has been taller than me and more athletic. While she was playing softball in Crown Point, Indian, or in Twin Lakes, Wisconsin, I was out with my friends having fun. My sister was the biggest procrastinator I knew. Anytime we left the house in the mornings was a hot mess, especially if she had stayed up really late the night before. On the other hand, I didn't procrastinate on anything. Being late is something im afraid of; the idea itself stresses me out.
None of my friends has had to experience what it is like being a twin. All my friends can experience life as one. They could celebrate school accomplishments by themselves. They could have their own birthday parties, and they could do things without having a second opinion on everything. They could do everything individually.
I remember having a conversation with one of my closest friends. It was a Saturday night, and I was driving her home. My friend was the youngest child and only girl of her family. As we drove, we sang to music with the roof down and talked about life and boys (like any teenage girl would). As we spoke, I remember her saying, "Honestly, I think you and your sister are equally pretty; no one is prettier than the other”. What she said made me think. It made me think about how the smallest things could be compared between us, but they were things that I could not change. She didn't know that what she said could be that big of a deal, but I don't blame her for that. She made me realize that even though I was constantly being compared, it shaped me into a stronger person by being able to take hard comparisons that many individuals don't have to go through.
Instead of focusing my time on unchangeable things, like physical appearance and intelligence, I focus more on who I am as a person. I want to be the loud, outgoing girl I always have been. I want people to know me for me, not for my sister and me. I want to be known as the girl people can go to if they need help. I want to be someone people can trust. I want to be someone people can have fun with. I want to be my own individual. Individuality is something that everyone has, but for some, it’s harder to find. Individuality can show so many things and shape the future you have for yourself. It can show values, uniqueness, and the image you project to others. Comparison can dictate the amazing differences everyone has, including the ones within me. I now know how to stand beside my sister, not behind her.