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Cotton Candy This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

puffs of sweet fiberglass
dissolve into pink crystals
on the pinnacle of my tongue.

they fall like tickled icicles
puncturing the walls
of my abdomen.

still I consume
the addicting substance,
permitting my body
to slowly commit suicide.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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jay001 said...
Nov. 16, 2009 at 6:30 pm:
it is epic
 
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ariwrites94 said...
Nov. 8, 2009 at 8:52 pm:
Wonderful job!!!! you are a talented writer and keep up the good work! if u have time please check out my poem called "Sensitive Am I" and rate and leave a comment. Thanks and keep writing!
 
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Schubster said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 7:17 pm:
woah, the first line is so different from the last...the ending was so unexpected! still, it was really interesting and a nice touch to the piece. Bravo! :)
check out my work?
 
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margo-v This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 7:01 pm:
good poem! Your imagery was very nice.
Jyvom- it's a bit pathetic that you're that desperate for attention. Try being nice-it works! ( :
 
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powera said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 2:35 pm:
This poem was short but was right to the point. I liked how you put this into a teens perspective. You sybolized the drug, which can be addicting, to cotton candy, which can also be addicting to children. "to slowly commit suicide" shows what can happen to you if you chose to go down the path of drugs. It could, and will end your life.
 
RawyaAviva replied...
May 25, 2010 at 6:28 pm :
You did a beautiful job with this.Each sentence drips with imagery and the words seem to flow off your pen. I would just like to remind everyone that freedom fighter the author explains earlier what this poem is about and it is not what any one is saying. And guoxiang it is not rude to ask others to check out your work on the comments section. We are all young writers and this sight is a chance to discover and be discovered by others writers. This is a sharing website and there is nothing wrong ... (more »)
 
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GuoXiang This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 24, 2009 at 5:51 pm:
This was wonderfully written! Advertising yourself on someone elses poem is tacky and rude, but insulting it is shows an unbelievable lack of respect.
 
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Evynn A. said...
Apr. 28, 2009 at 7:08 pm:
That a good way of putting it!
 
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climbergirl said...
Apr. 8, 2009 at 3:05 pm:
I don't really understand the "puncturing your abdomen". The abdomen is a muscle which doesn't really have a whole lot to do with cotton candy...

I do, however, like the "puffs of sweet fiberglass". Powerful imagery and I often think cotton candy looks strangely similar to fiberglass.

I do think you mean tip of your tongue, pinnacle is an awkward choice there.

A little confusing as far as word choice goes, but there is some nice imagery in there. Kee... (more »)
 
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Kendra M. said...
Mar. 13, 2009 at 5:57 pm:
your detail is good it makes it so i can imagine the taste the cotton candy while reading this.
 
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Miss.Bliss1 said...
Feb. 24, 2009 at 9:17 pm:
Hey, love yur poem.
I get what it's about...
Amyyy gurl...This poem is not about cotton candy.
She's talk'in about a drug thats LIKE cotton candy.
Got it now?..lol..jk
 
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Rosie A. said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 4:09 pm:
Short and sweet! Though it was rather short it made an impact and left me thinking. Very strong imagery, and nice comparisons!
 
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Amyyy said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 2:08 pm:
I do like this poem, but I don't get the ending. I know, i'm awful at figuring out metaphors. My brain was not equipped with that brilliancy.:P Very good, descriptive words though!!!
 
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oruga101 said...
Feb. 21, 2009 at 6:22 am:
Your poem was interesting, but the language was kinda strange. I think instead of "pinnacle", you meant "tip". The whole thing was strangely worded, and it lacked poetic elements such as rhyme and rhythm.

Something to work on is chosing a unique subject matter. Something unexpected.
 
Hay_Wire This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Oct. 17, 2009 at 11:11 pm :
hence it being in free verse.... it doesnt have to rhyme..
i liked it. i got it. i think people may be over analyzing.
 
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jessica marie said...
Feb. 8, 2009 at 4:43 pm:
I love this, i love the title, it is why i opened it...lol i am a random person so cotton candy sounded absolutly delightful. good work. i dont care what people say. this is good. anyone who says diffrent must not be to bright. good work.
 
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ShamrockWriter said...
Feb. 3, 2009 at 9:08 pm:
Nice poem. Short and sweet. I really like your use of metaphors and how you describe the cotton candy. Great job. Keep Writing!
 
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quills77 said...
Feb. 3, 2009 at 2:59 pm:
Hey this poem is slightly awkward! I don't get the ending at all!
 
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mahanaham said...
Jan. 15, 2009 at 2:31 am:
i love it ! im a sucker for the poems with creative metaphors and with the whole sour and sweet theme. its beautiful.
 
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HarleyQuinn said...
Jan. 14, 2009 at 9:34 am:
Everybody has their own opinion on this, and personally I love it. It's sweet (much like cotton candy) but also has a sour edge to it. How you're talking about suicide etc. How could something so sweet be so bitter? Keep up the good work :)
 
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