Cotton Candy MAG

October 25, 2008
By freedomfighter97 BRONZE, Lake Ann, Michigan
freedomfighter97 BRONZE, Lake Ann, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 11 comments

puffs of sweet fiberglass
dissolve into pink crystals
on the pinnacle of my tongue.

they fall like tickled icicles
puncturing the walls
of my abdomen.

still I consume
the addicting substance,
permitting my body
to slowly commit suicide.



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This article has 164 comments.


on Nov. 24 2009 at 7:16 am
XOXOhaloXOXO GOLD, Ellsworth, Maine
13 articles 1 photo 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm the author of my life and, unfortunately, I'm writing in pen=]

WOW! Ur making me hungry!!!!!!!!!! Great job!

jay001 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 16 2009 at 6:30 pm
jay001 BRONZE, Sayre, Pennsylvania
1 article 0 photos 4 comments
it is epic

on Nov. 8 2009 at 8:52 pm
ariwrites94 GOLD, Deltona, Florida
17 articles 4 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
"At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet." ---Plato

Wonderful job!!!! you are a talented writer and keep up the good work! if u have time please check out my poem called "Sensitive Am I" and rate and leave a comment. Thanks and keep writing!

on Oct. 17 2009 at 11:11 pm
Hay_Wire PLATINUM, Independence, Missouri
42 articles 0 photos 219 comments
hence it being in free verse.... it doesnt have to rhyme..

i liked it. i got it. i think people may be over analyzing.

Schubster said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 7:17 pm
woah, the first line is so different from the last...the ending was so unexpected! still, it was really interesting and a nice touch to the piece. Bravo! :)

check out my work?

on Sep. 24 2009 at 7:01 pm
MangoTree BRONZE, Grand Rapids, Michigan
4 articles 3 photos 7 comments
good poem! Your imagery was very nice.

Jyvom- it's a bit pathetic that you're that desperate for attention. Try being nice-it works! ( :

on Sep. 24 2009 at 5:51 pm
PoeticRamblings GOLD, Woodbridge, Virginia
16 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
Facts may be true, but there are very few people who dare to speak the truth.

This was wonderfully written! Advertising yourself on someone elses poem is tacky and rude, but insulting it is shows an unbelievable lack of respect.

powera said...
on Sep. 24 2009 at 2:35 pm
This poem was short but was right to the point. I liked how you put this into a teens perspective. You sybolized the drug, which can be addicting, to cotton candy, which can also be addicting to children. "to slowly commit suicide" shows what can happen to you if you chose to go down the path of drugs. It could, and will end your life.

Catlady SILVER said...
on Apr. 28 2009 at 7:08 pm
Catlady SILVER, Tulsa, Oklahoma
6 articles 0 photos 14 comments
That a good way of putting it!

on Apr. 8 2009 at 3:05 pm
E.L.W. PLATINUM, Glen Allen, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels.
The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes -
the ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo.
They push the human race forward.

I don't really understand the "puncturing your abdomen". The abdomen is a muscle which doesn't really have a whole lot to do with cotton candy...



I do, however, like the "puffs of sweet fiberglass". Powerful imagery and I often think cotton candy looks strangely similar to fiberglass.



I do think you mean tip of your tongue, pinnacle is an awkward choice there.



A little confusing as far as word choice goes, but there is some nice imagery in there. Keep working on it - don't be discouraged!

on Mar. 13 2009 at 5:57 pm
Kendra Miller, Plainwell, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments
your detail is good it makes it so i can imagine the taste the cotton candy while reading this.

on Feb. 24 2009 at 9:17 pm
Miss.Bliss1 BRONZE, Scotsburn, Other
3 articles 5 photos 46 comments
Hey, love yur poem.

I get what it's about...

Amyyy gurl...This poem is not about cotton candy.

She's talk'in about a drug thats LIKE cotton candy.

Got it now?..lol..jk

on Feb. 21 2009 at 4:09 pm
xxpetitepoetxoxo BRONZE, East Grand Rapids, Michigan
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments
Short and sweet! Though it was rather short it made an impact and left me thinking. Very strong imagery, and nice comparisons!

Amyyy said...
on Feb. 21 2009 at 2:08 pm
I do like this poem, but I don't get the ending. I know, i'm awful at figuring out metaphors. My brain was not equipped with that brilliancy.:P Very good, descriptive words though!!!

on Feb. 21 2009 at 6:22 am
oruga101 BRONZE, Lexington, Kentucky
2 articles 0 photos 8 comments
Your poem was interesting, but the language was kinda strange. I think instead of "pinnacle", you meant "tip". The whole thing was strangely worded, and it lacked poetic elements such as rhyme and rhythm.



Something to work on is chosing a unique subject matter. Something unexpected.

on Feb. 8 2009 at 4:43 pm
I love this, i love the title, it is why i opened it...lol i am a random person so cotton candy sounded absolutly delightful. good work. i dont care what people say. this is good. anyone who says diffrent must not be to bright. good work.

on Feb. 3 2009 at 9:08 pm
Nice poem. Short and sweet. I really like your use of metaphors and how you describe the cotton candy. Great job. Keep Writing!

quills77 said...
on Feb. 3 2009 at 2:59 pm
Hey this poem is slightly awkward! I don't get the ending at all!

mahanaham said...
on Jan. 15 2009 at 2:31 am
i love it ! im a sucker for the poems with creative metaphors and with the whole sour and sweet theme. its beautiful.

HarleyQuinn said...
on Jan. 14 2009 at 9:34 am
Everybody has their own opinion on this, and personally I love it. It's sweet (much like cotton candy) but also has a sour edge to it. How you're talking about suicide etc. How could something so sweet be so bitter? Keep up the good work :)


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