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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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Inmind said...
Dec. 19, 2014 at 8:43 am
I like this
 
SweetCaroline14This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 10, 2014 at 5:12 pm
Beautifull. I look forward to more of your work.  
 
corrections123 replied...
Jan. 5 at 1:40 pm
Beautiful has one l
 
Brian110This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 10, 2014 at 8:07 am
You know, This poem has got to be the best poem this website has ever seen. When ever I read poems this poem always is "today's top voted poem" and I can se for my self the reason. 
 
KaylieJ said...
Dec. 9, 2014 at 7:05 pm
Obviously I can't be sure, since I'm not the writer of this poem, but I feel like he used the lack of capitalization as emphasis on the way his father belittles him. I mean, clearly it was not laziness; he capitalized other words like "Son" multiple times throughout. So there must have been a reason for capitalizing in the way that he did.
 
Ashley K. replied...
Dec. 9, 2014 at 7:23 pm
I think you're right here. Father and sea were both capitalized,while "I" was not. This was probably to elaborate on how he was viewed as the least important, and smallest entity in the poem. 
 
Jackson1997 said...
Dec. 9, 2014 at 3:22 pm
This poem is sub-par
 
Dylan R. said...
Dec. 5, 2014 at 1:30 pm
it was good story
 
Brainiac said...
Dec. 4, 2014 at 9:39 pm
I really enjoyed reading your poem! Your word choice and phrasing were excellent. One reccomendation would be to capitolize the "I's"- I found this editing error to be slightly distracting, and it took away from your otherwise awesome poem! 
 
Kookie_monster29 said...
Nov. 24, 2014 at 11:19 am
That was so pretty!
 
RedHadan said...
Nov. 21, 2014 at 4:49 pm
This was beatifull
 
WindRunnerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 18, 2014 at 12:58 pm
I got angry as I read the end of the poem. They say freedom is life. No one should be restricted like that!
 
Freshatilly said...
Nov. 17, 2014 at 11:04 am
DEEP
 
Anyuhhhh said...
Nov. 17, 2014 at 10:54 am
This poem was pretty deep, and I enjoyed it a lot. I would suggest you add more dialogue or more to the story. I really liked the end and her trust in her father. This poem really spoke to me.
 
WindRunnerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 18, 2014 at 1:00 pm
I feel like it was a betrayal of trust. What a father should want for a child.
 
Briseida25 said...
Nov. 17, 2014 at 10:33 am
I love this poem. 
 
goetz_17 said...
Nov. 16, 2014 at 1:22 pm
This poem really speaks to me.
 
poemoheart866This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 13, 2014 at 4:56 pm
This was a lovely poem and I enjoyed it very much so!
 
Paakhi said...
Nov. 7, 2014 at 8:58 am
So deep......
 
Brian110This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 5, 2014 at 7:48 am
That right there is TRUE poetry. its nice to see some good talent.
 
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