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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Alexandra H. said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I kinda get a mixed message from this, but I really love it. The language you use and everything is just right.
fairy said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 8:06 pm
This is a GREAT poem. I love how it rhymes. The mood of it is very calm and serene. You got talent.
Jonel F. said...
Apr. 13, 2009 at 1:34 am
Wow!!! This is a Great poem. I had just sign up and your poem is the first poem I've read and I Liked it even though it had a sad ending. GREAT JOB
Taylor W. said...
Apr. 12, 2009 at 5:20 pm
Wow. That was amazing. The review above me says it reminds her of Emily Dickinson, and I have to agree, but not because of the beat but because of the subject matter. It's a really fantastic poem and you're a really fantastic writer.
megan G. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 11:10 pm
wow that was great, kinda sad, too. u have great talent! keep writing!
gonzaleztd This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 10:27 pm
I love it... Reminds me of Ormond Beach, FL.
Mariah C. said...
Apr. 11, 2009 at 3:36 pm
i LOVE this, you did really good on it :], high five lol. and i can relate to it very well. you were very creative :].
Darcey W. said...
Apr. 10, 2009 at 2:02 am
I love your creative mind. (:
Adriannalovesanime said...
Mar. 29, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I really liked this:)
I agree with the others I didn't expect the ending.
I love this.
Ben A. said...
Mar. 28, 2009 at 8:21 pm
Just Wanna Say:

This is an amazing piece, the best I've seen on here so far.

Emo_Ninji said...
Mar. 25, 2009 at 5:16 pm
It's an odd poem but it kept the readers attention. Very different perspective to look at things. And it's very odd to see the relationship with a father described this way, i wouldn't know so that is very insightful.
Michele M. said...
Mar. 25, 2009 at 5:06 pm
very good. unexpected ending too.
JessyWeLoveYou said...
Mar. 24, 2009 at 3:00 pm
amazing!....i think you might like some of mine idk....well heres 1 of my best
smmrox said...
Mar. 21, 2009 at 3:22 pm
I liked this it was cute.
sumthingspecial said...
Mar. 19, 2009 at 11:38 pm
wow that was gud...:]
dulcenina1210 said...
Mar. 19, 2009 at 11:30 pm
Great work, really. I love the symbolism and how even though you could fly, you were still bound to earth and your dad was still somehow there to protect you. I would really appreciate some feedback on mine. I'm still pretty much a fledgling writer and I haven't had any really good criticism.
True220 said...
Mar. 17, 2009 at 4:50 pm
this is a lovely poem
lovesscola04 said...
Mar. 16, 2009 at 5:47 am
Several people on here have commented about the 'i's. Few, if any, have asked your reason for not capitalizing them, however. I'm curious to see if you had a particular reason. Some people, myself included, find meaning in little things like uncapitalized 'i's. It was an interesting peom to say the east, and I really liked it. Everyone has a different outlook on childhood and life in general, and I think that makes description even more important in such poems. Use more of it, ple... (more »)
project827 said...
Mar. 15, 2009 at 7:09 pm
interesting stuff, Carl. A good idea, but you could work on the presentation a bit.
lauren B. said...
Mar. 7, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Wow! That was amazing. Absolutely lovely. Your an amazing writer.
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