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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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Phantomlover95 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 1, 2011 at 4:43 pm
Wow, you're an amazing writer! This piece, I think, everyone can relate to. This is so great! Amazing! I'm blown away. Keep writing!
cierrajordan said...
May 1, 2011 at 3:26 pm
This poem is really touching..I know it touched my heart, especially after I read it several times.  I can tell it describes a type of relationship between you and God.  I really, really like this poem and I tagged it as one of my favorites.  Keep writing, you're great at it! (:
DerClogger said...
May 1, 2011 at 11:20 am
This is not free verse.
Nicovera replied...
May 18, 2011 at 7:30 am

who cares? it's amazingly well-written, and has a lot of truth to it. If you want to get mad about stuff posted in the wrong catagory, go look at the sonnets.

And btw, free verse can technically include every type of poetry.

Great job!

dmell123 said...
Apr. 30, 2011 at 10:03 pm

This is awesome! it reminds me of the relationship between you and God, as well as you and your father. this may be a totally ridiculous interpretation.. haha. i'm also from staten island! what school do you go to?


stickyfingers replied...
May 5, 2011 at 6:59 pm

Hey, I read your comment like a week ago and it's been bothering me. I promised myself I'd not get into any theological debates while on TeenInk, but here I am anyway. You said that this poem reminded you of a relationship with God, but, in the end of the poem, the father is holding chains. God doesn't hold us in bondage until Judgement day when we are bound to our sin. I was curious if that was what you meant...? Sorry, I'm just a girl with a lot of theology stored somewhere in the prefronta... (more »)

Paul T. said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 1:34 pm
Might be missing something, but I read it through several times, and still don't get it. Obviously though most people do, so congrats! I liked the rythum, just didn't see the general idea you were trying to convey.
culmusybutterfly replied...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 3:11 pm

i feel the same way. you are not alone!


lala15This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 4:14 pm
i really dont understand either...
darkmist replied...
May 2, 2011 at 9:07 am
i really didn't get it but in the end its not for us to get but for you to get but i didn't understand it myself
Alon_Freebird replied...
May 19, 2011 at 1:39 am
same here. but i saw as "parents taking control over their children". i dont know if im right. if it is, i like it. if its not, its ok tho.
chocolate106296 said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 1:14 pm
sounds so good! i loved the idea.
Loriel J. said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 8:35 am
very good!! i love it! :)
Allison P. said...
Apr. 29, 2011 at 8:30 am
cute idea, i loved it. Really liked the rhythm and rhyme (:
burdentobear said...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 10:53 pm
really, really good.  i love it!!
themaster said...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 1:03 pm
this poem is very well written i liked it alot amazing job
lookandwonder replied...
Apr. 26, 2011 at 4:30 pm
This was amazing. It makes me wonder how poems like "Stop the violence" are voted better than this.
bieberl0ve15 said...
Apr. 25, 2011 at 10:57 am
love this! if anyone would rate/comment my poem called Asthma it would be sooo much appreciated :) I'll do the same for you!
_paigeemp said...
Apr. 24, 2011 at 1:26 am
i looooove it. Beautiful
shootingstar97 said...
Apr. 22, 2011 at 9:35 pm
That is amazing!
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