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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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LyricalDisaster said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm:

i freakingggg LOVE this ! :D

p.s: check out my poemss ^_^ thanks

 
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AJ Bigj said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 11:26 am:
Hey this was a nice pieace that you have written here when I saw the title I was confused but know that I have read it my whole perspective has changed. http://bigj.edublogs.org/ check out mine and leave a comment.
 
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I'm_Still_Here said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 6:59 am:

I really liked the ambience of this poem, the Ending was def. my favourite part. Please keep writing...

 

 
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Bangz said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 6:47 am:
Dis nice I jus liked dat 1st part doe mane its real nice doe
 
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josephinelouiseThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm:

a genuine poem full of character

the only comment I have is that stanza three seems very forced with lines two and four. well, mainly the birdie thing. 

 
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Gnosis said...
Mar. 5, 2011 at 12:46 am:
Beautiful poem. I like your use of rhythm and imagery. The poem started out vague and then progressed into a sound and solid expression. You were able to capture a profound essence on a porfound topic, and do it well.
 
CWells_521 replied...
Mar. 5, 2011 at 7:10 pm :
i really like how deep this is. you're a rlly great writer :)
 
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Kenziechaos. said...
Mar. 4, 2011 at 10:42 pm:
i really like this. i like how it has different meanings, and how somene could think of it as something different than someone else.. if that makes sense? well written. (:
 
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Gangsta crip said...
Mar. 4, 2011 at 7:00 am:
I thought it was well written and had a good ambience!
 
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hello123 said...
Mar. 4, 2011 at 6:55 am:
It is an okay poem well written.....
 
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skb1234 said...
Mar. 1, 2011 at 8:08 am:
your amazing... seriously.
 
cede moss replied...
Mar. 3, 2011 at 11:09 am :
hey i really like your poem i write too and your better than me great job give me some pointers sometime?
 
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posionwriter said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 8:22 pm:
i really really think you should expand this poem more!! it seems like it needs to keep going.
 
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chickadee23 said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 3:57 pm:
This week in my English class, we read a poem by someone who was chosen by a past USA President to represent poetry. In his 'Introduction to Poetry' he says "All they want to do is tie the poem to a chair and torture a confession out of it, to find out what it really means" Must we try to find the meaning in everything? Why not just enjoy the symbolism and let each person see his or her own meaning?
 
AVERAGE replied...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 7:45 pm :
I TOTALLY AGREE . . . . I THINK THE KEY TO CREATIVITY IS HAVING IT PERCEIVED AS OTHER EYES SEE IT
 
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PaRaNoRmAl627 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 3:44 pm:
this is really thought provoking. at first  it seemed to me like the dad was holding him back by saying he would drown if he tried to swim, but then he let him try to fly, and then pulled him back down again. it seems to me like the dad is pretending to be supportive when he really isntt
 
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it'sJoylnnhunnay:) said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 11:55 am:
I love this poem it's beautiful :)
 
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breathinginlove said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 10:56 am:
Beautiful writing
 
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daniec said...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 8:05 am:
this poem was confusing in parts but greact overall
 
queentabbiecat99 replied...
Feb. 28, 2011 at 9:03 am :
i think i get it its about how his father holds him back by letting him go foward. he says go try but knowing he will fail. and it also says his father is holding him by a chain.  I LOVE IT REALLY to me it makes since
 
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