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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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FRED FREDBURGER said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 11:15 am:
i think that the poem was CONFUZZLING it made no sense whatsoever sorry whoever the author is but i don't get it.   I LIKE NACHOS!! YES:)
 
Cityboy13 replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 8:23 am :
IE: Fred Fredburger Reply: The poem is about how the father was always holding him back, preventing the boy from "flying", this was made clear in the last two lines: I saw my Father pull on a chain, then I knew that I was bound
 
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EllieGrace said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 6:17 am:
One thing though, I think you should chnge the line "gazed at the birdie" to "gazed upon the birdie." The added syllable makes it flow perfectly.
 
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EllieGrace said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 6:14 am:
This poem really means something to me. I think it's magnificently honest and beautiful.
 
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AVERAGE said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 1:57 pm:
Please check out my work=) greatly appreciated =). . . .LOVED IT! which i think i've already told you haha =P
 
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MSTie said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 10:51 am:
It was a very well-constructed poem. It was very thought provoking.
 
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...? said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 10:50 am:
GOOOD POEM THE WORDING WAS FASCINATING AND HAD A UNIQUE FEELING TO IT
 
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Johnathan said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 9:42 am:
I liked how you fowed with the words
 
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C8Star77 said...
Mar. 13, 2011 at 2:02 pm:
This poem really had feeling in it. I loved the flow of the words! Keep up the unique work!
 
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Shogun11 said...
Mar. 12, 2011 at 6:24 pm:

This was a really good poem! I could totally see everything happening. It would be cool if some people would look at my poems too! I'm in need of some criticism as well! haha

 

 
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ieneversshoutnever said...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 11:02 am:
wow that was so good!
 
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l.iney said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 7:01 pm:

i love this its amazing and i can see the feeling in it! Please check out come of my stuff its not as good but I try haha

Awesome Job!

 
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I.believe said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 5:39 pm:
Oh my gosh!! I love this poem! I like how you keep it going with those ideas like going swimming and how your father lets you and then how you want to go flying and your father lets you, but kind of saves you in the end.
 
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I.believe said...
Mar. 10, 2011 at 5:37 pm:
I wish I had a dad too, or one like this, you are very lucky to have one like this.  My dad isn't supportive of me, but I'm glad that yours does :)
 
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LyricalDisaster said...
Mar. 9, 2011 at 12:22 pm:

i freakingggg LOVE this ! :D

p.s: check out my poemss ^_^ thanks

 
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AJ Bigj said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 11:26 am:
Hey this was a nice pieace that you have written here when I saw the title I was confused but know that I have read it my whole perspective has changed. http://bigj.edublogs.org/ check out mine and leave a comment.
 
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I'm_Still_Here said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 6:59 am:

I really liked the ambience of this poem, the Ending was def. my favourite part. Please keep writing...

 

 
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Bangz said...
Mar. 8, 2011 at 6:47 am:
Dis nice I jus liked dat 1st part doe mane its real nice doe
 
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josephinelouise This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm:

a genuine poem full of character

the only comment I have is that stanza three seems very forced with lines two and four. well, mainly the birdie thing. 

 
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Gnosis said...
Mar. 5, 2011 at 12:46 am:
Beautiful poem. I like your use of rhythm and imagery. The poem started out vague and then progressed into a sound and solid expression. You were able to capture a profound essence on a porfound topic, and do it well.
 
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