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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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lilfoxey said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 6:43 pm:
that is a good poem
 
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Sherlock said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm:
This was a really good poem! It was very good, and enjoyable to read.
 
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PassionFruit said...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 6:09 pm:
Wow, good job. I really like it. I like the message you're getting across. As far as critique goes the only line that confused me was "the sky was at my level as i/ gazed at the birdie" Im confused as to where "the birdie" came from. I would understand if you had said A birdie, but THE birdie gives it more significance that the reader can't understand. Sorry, I don't mean to sound like a critic here or be harsh, I actually really love this poem. Keep writing!! And check out some of my work, once... (more »)
 
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BSANCHEZ said...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 12:49 pm:
I can kind of understand what your saying. But I can't fully.
 
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ExpRESsY0uRselF said...
Jun. 12, 2011 at 12:18 pm:
This was a really nice poem, but maybe you could make your message a little bit clearer. Also, if you have time, please check out my poem, The Girl Inside, and others. Thanksssss! :)
 
Valerie replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 11:26 am :

Great poem!!!

BTW, ExpRESs YOuRselF, I love your screen name. Have you read a book called Paper Towns? There's a character who does that same thing...

 
ExpRESsY0uRse1F replied...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 4:49 pm :
Really? i totally have to read that! Thanks!
 
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inkflowerKNC said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 2:44 pm:
it's pretty good, i like it.
 
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Ang1996 said...
Jun. 9, 2011 at 11:27 am:
I don't get it what dose this mean. other than that it sounds like its a good poem
 
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Br11anna said...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 12:04 pm:
Really nice poem!
 
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Andrea L. said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 9:22 pm:
love it!! filled w/ lotsa emotion
 
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RanaHewezi1998This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:23 am:
it has good rythmes!
 
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Highbarfreak87 said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 11:00 am:
Its such an odd poem to follow but its good!'
 
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thedreamer said...
Jun. 2, 2011 at 3:00 pm:
this is truely a beautiful poem seriously it is
 
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torivix said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 6:59 pm:
I love this! it's so... mysterious, yet so down to Earth. keep writing, please!!!
 
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WeAllBurn said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 3:27 pm:

wow.

i am wordless.

<3

 
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RahmaReads said...
May 29, 2011 at 2:28 pm:
This is beautiful! You really have potential.
 
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Rinilove32 said...
May 27, 2011 at 9:00 am:
this poem is gorgeous!! i love it(:
 
Alicia :) replied...
May 27, 2011 at 10:53 am :
Wonderful Poem !
 
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Bdawg325 said...
May 27, 2011 at 7:55 am:
Set up very well.
 
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