Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.

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josika said...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 8:55 am
wow! this is really good! but i did not get the last para
babyraccoon said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 3:06 pm
hey i really like this and its reallt thoughtful :)
EternallyMe03 said...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 8:50 am
This is an amazing poem, however you wish to read it.  You created a beautiful way to get your message across!
WhiteWings said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 6:22 pm
i didnt quite get the chaine point...was he trying to hurt you? but over all it was ok
DooRonRon replied...
Jan. 13, 2012 at 1:12 am
What I got from the chain point, was that the dad wasn't going to let his son go. He was keeping him, even though saying he was free. His father was only going to let him go so far and then he would pull him back, aka the chain. That's what I got:)
ManekiNeko said...
Dec. 1, 2011 at 12:31 pm
I love this poem. It has a great flow and I like the story. Rhyming is always hard and you did it very weel. It is clean and simple which allows the meaning of the words to shine.
raindance72 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 6:56 pm
Sorry, I should have said this already.. but I really need some critiques on my work, and I'd love it if some others could read them and comment :)
raindance72 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 6:55 pm
I love this. I really do. I had to read it a couple times through to really absorb it, and once I did I was thoroughly impressed. To be a little more "short and sweet" (you guessed it - my weakness!) this was beautiful. I hope one day my poetry will be this great!
ihatedemapes said...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 5:12 am
all them people that said this was good, are LIARS, just praying you read what they call "poetry" Or "Art" if you will, but lets be serious, this sucks.. and for all who did not know, men dont have a womb, change the title noob.
Aaliyahthepoet123 replied...
Nov. 30, 2011 at 9:06 am
I think this poem was wonderful :) and some people who said it wasn't good, does not know the meaning of poetry.... One word "creativity".
Proof replied...
Dec. 2, 2011 at 12:59 pm
aaliyah i agree and dnt make fun of someone who wnts to xpress themselves maybe u should try poetry to open ur closed mind up
DooRonRon replied...
Dec. 8, 2011 at 11:18 am
I am sure that the author knows that men don't have wombs, hence the reason his mother birthed him and not the father. I am quite confused though; on the reason why you are sounding so arrogant towards his work? Maybe this poem "hit home" for you. All in all; don't judge someone based on their experiences and intake on certain things.
expressionconfession This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jan. 6, 2012 at 11:45 pm
lol. seriously? if you want to criticize someone on their writing craft, try mastering subject-verb agreement first. obviously men don't have wombs, the title was deliberate and made the poem a thousand times better. it's called symbolism brosky. check it out on sparknotes ;)
Snow Blossom replied...
Jan. 8, 2012 at 9:43 pm
This poem is awful. It is not creative at all. Lots of kids write about their parents stifling them. "People who say its not good and don't know the meaning of poetry" is a matter of opinion. My opinion:I don't like this poem. And for the record, I am a published poet in this magazine as well as other magazines and in a book. This is not good poetry.
DooRonRon replied...
Jan. 9, 2012 at 7:09 pm
Whether you are a "published" poet or not, it is irrelevant. Poetry is a matter of raw emotion coming from the soul. It doesn't matter if one thousand of your poems have been published in magazines before, who are you to state if his poem is good or not. Poetry comes in every shape and form, just because it happens to not be in your favor does not mean it is bad. (Your opinion is taken in to account but it is your opinion of, "This is not good poetry" that isn't.)
darlingbrianna said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 6:44 pm
This is an amazing poem :) good job!
Jeast10 said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 4:47 pm
it doesnt matter how many times i read this, i get goosebumps every time! check out my work plz((((((::::
dakotawright said...
Nov. 28, 2011 at 11:01 am
Very Metaphoric.
Amanda_Roo said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:38 pm
Every time I read this, it fills me with an emotion I can't name. This is FANTASTIC!...I would love it if you could get the chance sometime to check out some of my work. Thank you :)
Meredith15 said...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:42 pm
nicely written!
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