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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.




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TAR11 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm:
Cool poem.  Please check out mine if you get the chance.  From the Hilltop and Anonymous' Inferno. 
 
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Mazzer said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm:
I feel your pain.
 
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writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm:
I loved it. It was a very moving poem. I just wrote two stories called nightstalker and the beast. If any of u read them make sure u post comments saying if u liked them or not or if i should change anything. I enjoy listening to feed back and tips about writing better. Thanks!  :D
 
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Solei said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm:

I like how this poem reaches out to you when you read it :)

Also no intention to be rude but check out my poems, The Truth Behind the Tears or Imagination by Solei:) Loved it

 
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Live4literature said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm:
Very descriptive way to put your feelings in such a beautiful scenic way(:
 
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dreamerz said...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 10:53 am:

I meant to post under my screen name ElleNicole how great I think this is, but for some reason my comments don't show up... but just so you know, this is great. =)

Check out my poem? Just do an advanced search and type in ElleNicole and Change as the title and you should find it... thanks if you do. Sorry for advertising on your lovely poem!

 
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Dia.dreamer123 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 12:43 am:
This poem is basically a description of my life! I connected to this poem so much...Perfectly written except that you didn't capitalize "i".
 
claudiathewho This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 3:16 pm :
It's a stylistic thing that he didn't capitalize "i". Check out E.E. Cummings' work.
 
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BeauDefi said...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 3:29 am:
I really like this, espically because I know the feeling of wanting to be free, and being held back. The more you're pulled back, the more you want to push away. For those who don't quite understand it, well, you have to look at it from a different perspective. I've read thing lots of time that I don't understand at all, but out of nowhere a while later it just clicks. Great work =]
 
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TashaTyrantthnx said...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 4:14 pm:

I can dig it, I can dig it.

Anyone, and everyone read my poem, " Run Girl, Run"?

TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/341858/Run-Girl-Run/

(:

 
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endend1210 said...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 2:26 pm:
This sucks.. I mean, grammar usage alone is just an epic fail. Present or past tense; make up your mind!  I don't understand it. "Hollow ground." That's an oxymoron and to be honest, I don't quite know what "hollow ground" is. You repeat words too. Ground, bound, high, sky, all just repeating!
 
brittneymarston replied...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 1:19 pm :
its not your poem, so it doesnt really matter what you think about the grammar and oxymoron usage. its not tailored to make sense to you.
 
BrokenThorn replied...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 3:08 am :
Its just criticisim, they're just voicing they're opinion. Could have done it more polietly however
 
LAngel13 replied...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 12:57 am :
i absolutely adored it, and can completely relate. check out  some of my work 2 and gimme your feedback.
 
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ahavah858 said...
Jul. 2, 2011 at 9:08 pm:
Okay, so I'm sure that you meant something really deep with this, but quite honestly, I don't understand it....
 
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brazilla_lyn said...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 6:59 am:
very insprirational
 
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nomore37 said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 6:21 pm:
This poem is  love. A gift to the world. It's beautiful. Such meaning and many ways of interpretaton. One of my favorites
 
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Niagara said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 9:56 pm:
 My interpretation of this was that you are trying to go free and be all on your own, fly, but you cannot because your father still has a hold of you. You see the birdie, something free and want to feel the same, but there is still a chain holding you down. This is how many young people feel about life and the constant struggles they face to feel like they can spread their wings, but I assure you my friend, in time we will see you fly.
 
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shoelessjoe This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 28, 2011 at 4:13 pm:
I've read this a thousand times and it's still fantantastic :) keep in writing Carl
 
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Thoreau420 said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 7:37 pm:
Beautiful expression of transcendental views and the hinderance of true free will.
 
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