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Daddy's Womb This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.

This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.





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purplequeen said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 8:46 am:
Great! Can you guys read and comment on mine?? Please I will read yours if you read mine!
 
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hannah-banana said...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 4:01 pm:
really good poem :D keep writing more becaue this one is amazing :)
 
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KayleeRae said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 5:29 pm:
I love this, it has very nice rhythm :D
 
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hollygolightly109 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 5:30 pm:

The imagery, strong. The meaning people find in water, sand, stone, and flying is something that you're using so simply! It connects on such a basic level. 

Your piece inspired me to put more of these universal images and meanings in my work... make people connect!

Thanks.

 
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la-petite-fleur said...
Jul. 25, 2011 at 12:15 am:
Very nice.
 
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poet.lover said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 7:12 pm:
wow that's amazing! i can relate to an extent and the emotion is so strong
 
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Ashley M. said...
Jul. 21, 2011 at 4:13 pm:
anyone who appreciated this should also read my poem Briar Rose
 
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NaleDawg said...
Jul. 20, 2011 at 9:59 pm:
I enjoyed your peice, keep it up. Look at my work?
 
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fortetennis This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 9:24 pm:
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I am sorry about your relationship with your father. I strongly urge you to stand up to him. 
 
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vzimmerman said...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm:
Wonderful images! Great emotions and you put words together so smoothly it's a great gift. :) Keep writing. And if possible can you check out some of my pieces? 
 
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TAR11 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 5:34 pm:
Cool poem.  Please check out mine if you get the chance.  From the Hilltop and Anonymous' Inferno. 
 
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Mazzer said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:03 pm:
I feel your pain.
 
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writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 12:48 pm:
I loved it. It was a very moving poem. I just wrote two stories called nightstalker and the beast. If any of u read them make sure u post comments saying if u liked them or not or if i should change anything. I enjoy listening to feed back and tips about writing better. Thanks!  :D
 
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Solei said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm:

I like how this poem reaches out to you when you read it :)

Also no intention to be rude but check out my poems, The Truth Behind the Tears or Imagination by Solei:) Loved it

 
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Live4literature said...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 2:46 pm:
Very descriptive way to put your feelings in such a beautiful scenic way(:
 
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dreamerz said...
Jul. 6, 2011 at 10:53 am:

I meant to post under my screen name ElleNicole how great I think this is, but for some reason my comments don't show up... but just so you know, this is great. =)

Check out my poem? Just do an advanced search and type in ElleNicole and Change as the title and you should find it... thanks if you do. Sorry for advertising on your lovely poem!

 
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Dia.dreamer123 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 12:43 am:
This poem is basically a description of my life! I connected to this poem so much...Perfectly written except that you didn't capitalize "i".
 
claudiathewho This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 7, 2011 at 3:16 pm :
It's a stylistic thing that he didn't capitalize "i". Check out E.E. Cummings' work.
 
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BeauDefi said...
Jul. 4, 2011 at 3:29 am:
I really like this, espically because I know the feeling of wanting to be free, and being held back. The more you're pulled back, the more you want to push away. For those who don't quite understand it, well, you have to look at it from a different perspective. I've read thing lots of time that I don't understand at all, but out of nowhere a while later it just clicks. Great work =]
 
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TashaTyrantthnx said...
Jul. 3, 2011 at 4:14 pm:

I can dig it, I can dig it.

Anyone, and everyone read my poem, " Run Girl, Run"?

TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/341858/Run-Girl-Run/

(:

 
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