Make Believe | Teen Ink

Make Believe MAG

By Anonymous

We were doomed from the beginning,
Blinded from the start,
But nothing can be done
To fool a happy heart.
With each smile and giggle,
Every embrace and every kiss,
We were shooting toward a happy ending,
And we missed.
Cinderella lost her slipper
And it was never found.
Prince Charming came too late,
Now no one’s sleeping sound.
Pillows are soaking wet,
Hopes are all lost.
No more dancing in the clouds.
Dreams have all been tossed.
The fairy-tale warmth has left us
As winter’s setting in.
The storybook reads the end,
But where should we begin?
Now your heart strives to be broken,
And you long for lonely nights
This time our ship is sinking
We’re going down without a fight.



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This article has 203 comments.


PayPay said...
on Dec. 28 2009 at 5:20 pm
PayPay, Kilgore, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 26 comments

Favorite Quote:
$$$ Pretty Gurl Swagger$$$

WoW!!!! Very nice i could feel the words and understand it....

on Nov. 7 2009 at 11:13 am
bluemagnet22 PLATINUM, Dearborn Hts, Michigan
24 articles 16 photos 644 comments

Favorite Quote:
You were born an origanal why die a copy?The secret to success is the consistency to pursue.To the world you may be one person,but to one person you may be the world.To receive the right answer,you must ask the right question.Don't worry be happy! :)

Wow ur vry talented! luv it! you should check out some of mine:)

on Jul. 21 2009 at 3:58 pm
jay_jayy:D GOLD, Trussville, Alabama
14 articles 0 photos 30 comments
this is great

please keep writing

:)

on Mar. 22 2009 at 1:27 am
SaveThEmpty SILVER, Rathbun, Iowa
9 articles 0 photos 16 comments
this is amazing!

on Feb. 22 2009 at 4:11 am
JessicaBuck GOLD, Fullerton, California
13 articles 0 photos 8 comments
i like how you added the story book part too it.

Emoly.95 said...
on Jan. 29 2009 at 5:25 am
oh my goodness! that's beautiful!

melecia12 said...
on Jan. 8 2009 at 3:15 pm
i love this poem who ever yuo r continue to inspire me:)

on Nov. 14 2008 at 11:58 pm
I thing it is wonderful. the truth

sexy123 said...
on Nov. 14 2008 at 12:25 am
I think that this poem is really good i write poems to. Some how i can relate to this but this poem is AWESOME keep writing.

Erwin said...
on Nov. 13 2008 at 7:01 pm
I love this, it's very affectionate for a -past- relationship that was probably once an amazing fairy tale, once told. It's great and I hope this writer can write more like it.[:

Nelly56 said...
on Nov. 12 2008 at 5:34 pm
I really like this poem is very truthful to my everyday life. We cant all have our way but sometimes we have to be grateful on what we have in this world. Everything is never perfect and some things are just fairytales. So let my soulmate make believe and realize is hard to find your one and only.

Josie said...
on Nov. 12 2008 at 5:32 pm
a comment to shane whatever this poem was so nice your just jealous you can't come up with one better

tweedle dee said...
on Nov. 12 2008 at 1:42 pm
great poem i loved it and dont listen to anyone the repition was a good idea! there was only one part where the rythm was off but that was it. keep writting!

on Oct. 12 2008 at 11:56 pm
this is a really great poem.. sadly it reminds me of the person that I happen to be dating and our relationship right now

DorkyGirl1 said...
on Oct. 7 2008 at 1:58 am
Really great, I loved it!

SJH17 said...
on Sep. 4 2008 at 7:07 pm
This Poem Is Simply Amazing And Very Truthful..

on Aug. 31 2008 at 6:08 am
great poem. i liike how it opens your eyes on how not everything will go ur way and like it or not were all living with it.

elaine901 said...
on Aug. 26 2008 at 2:36 am
oh my gosh i really like this one! i love the rhythm and the way it flows. it's so good! keep writing :)

on Aug. 22 2008 at 5:40 pm
Sometimes repetition can be a good thing, expressing the same idea in different ways can help others understand the idea better.

I liked it.

on Aug. 14 2008 at 11:10 pm
Ahhh, a sad love poem. =( It was pretty good.



It's a bit repetitive though. You're expressing an idea in one line, then you express the SAME idea in another, but in a different way. I would fix that. If you do that, it might be cut in half, but it'd still give out the point effectively. Also, try focusing the image, or using stanzas for diff. images.



Other then a bit more organization and repititon, the ideas were good, and the writing was nice. Good job