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Reality Check

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What if I wanted to break away from society?
A culture
Where war replaces peace
Where money replaces love
Where emotions run dry
Where coping with it doesn't apply
Is this the kind of community we want to live in?
Would you stop me from leaving?-- Can you blame me for cheating?
Cheating
My way out
Of life.
Out of School. Out of Love. Out of Pain.
Out of this
Repulsive palce
I live in
Where being a terrorist is as easy as
Having brown skin
Is this what we want to live in?
A corrupt place where rules are
Pushed aside
Where solving problems are resolved
With homocide..
So
Don't blame me for breaking away
Where there is a place hatred won't go anyway
Where
Love has meaning and is not
Replaced
By something green
Where peace reins
Over war
Where emotions rise
Above more than just words that are said
Now put these ideas inside your head
Tell me what you think now
Because if you don't think differently somehow
Then there is no hope for the future and the now!




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This article has 141 comments. Post your own!

Di'Ara23 said...
Dec. 30, 2008 at 3:02 am:
I love it! Comment my poem please its titled unspoken world...TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/70405/Unspoken-World/ judging on the way you expressed yourself through this poem I am sure you'll enjoy mine!
 
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Sara A said...
Dec. 18, 2008 at 2:51 am:
Oh no. What the fuss was all about? Pft, email me again when there is a good one or a real poem posted
 
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artofthedeath said...
Dec. 18, 2008 at 1:25 am:
I read this poem over again after reading all comments, including the author's.
I am not her friend. I have never met her. Some call her Vicky, others Victoria. That's all I know about her. Yet, I side with her. I have read the poem over and over again. I have thought about it long and hard.
Her message comes from her crying heart. She is not truly saying that she is going to cheat her way out of society. You would think the people on this site would read more in between the lines... (more »)
 
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Fizzy said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:58 pm:
Okay so I am somewhat puzzled, Samara: Did you tell ME my way of saying what I think about this is being misunderstood (I think I have to apologize if that is the case - time to play the foreigner-card...?), or saying the author's style is misinterpreted? In that case I'd say that's one of the points I love about this poem, you have to think about it to actually get its meaning, and there is several ways to interprete it. If you're looking at it already beng angry at the world and yourself wanti... (more »)
 
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crich897 said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:35 pm:
Hey Victoria,
I really love the theme and ideas behind your poem. Actually, that is what I am writing about.
A certain line particularly inspired me, and I was wondering if I could have permission to use it in an upcoming piece? That line is "Don't blame me for breaking away".
I feel inspired to write a poem that goes hand in hand with yours, in a way, and I'm pretty sure that I would like to use that line as a foundation.
Let me know what you think, a... (more »)
 
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Ama B. said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 5:20 pm:
I'm not trully sure what to feel. The message is in one way strong yet in another way slightly messed up. I understand your messgae, but everyone understand spoetry differently. It would be nice if you tolled us in a comment what you where trying to do, but that may ruin what others think of your poem, but it can also help others. For the message that I beleive you where trying to give us I gave it a 10 out of 10. But the whole poem in itself was more of a 6 or 5 out of ten. These are your tho... (more »)
 
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kianapearl said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 11:21 am:
I love your poem. I've read the other comments, and it almost sounds like your being attacked! Maybe their only jealous... This poem is very relatable, whether others 'agree with it' or not. Keep your head up. It's great that you've attempted to encourage other people to see the world a little differently...but the world is also very close-minded, which could be why your poem has so many different opinions and seen through different views. Keep writing... I think your awesome.
 
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SurferGuy390 said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 6:12 am:
This poem is amazing. There's so many ways you could interprete this piece. In fact, most of the poetry on this site is great. Here's on of my favorites, check it out

TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/66118/Fearless-Again/
 
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Hallieinthewings said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:28 am:
The poem is a very thought provoking one and is obviously making people take on many views.

When I read it, my first reaction was that it and your intentions were good.
That you realize what the problems that bring down our society are and you don't want to be a part of it. What with all the violence and hatred it makes you wonder if there's a place out there where people can truly be treated equal and just act in a decent civilized manner. I thought when you used the word che... (more »)
 
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John Doe said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:11 am:
One more thing (I know this has been asked but you've not responded as I'd hoped): Why did you tell us (in your last comment) you don't want to abandon the world but write in your poem that you want to "break away," as you put it evvver so thoughtfully?
 
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John Doe said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:08 am:
I think this is poem is one of the author's trite attempts at sounding as if she is righteous and self-assured. The author obviously thinks she is righteous (as can be seen in her vehement repetition: "I just want people to know the truth"), which amplifies her insecurities.

There are problems in this world. We all know it. Writing "literature" like this seems to have an automatically virtuous nuance nowadays. Sorry, it's the truth.
 
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Semar said...
Dec. 17, 2008 at 12:55 am:
What is a good poem? Probably the one that inspires, or inflicts pain, or simply touches your soul.

What amusing in the back and forth exchange between the author and her critics or cronies are: first, critics pick on how much the poem does not inspire them - the list of faults in this world is shoved in their faces, and how the author seems to handle the faults is faulty at best, and frankly does not seem sympathetic. "I have a dream" speech of MLK seems like a waste of d... (more »)
 
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TheAuthor said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:54 pm:
I love the different ways people are interpertating this poem.
I know it has different meanings to everybody, some like while others dislike it or disagree with it. You are all entitled to your opinions.

My apologies if it is not all that clear. I should have made a couple of edits before posting it.

Utopias can't exist, I am not saying that I want the world to be that. I feel as if the world has become somewhat of a Dystopia.

Brown skin is be... (more »)
 
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Samara said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:17 pm:
I now understand after reading Fizzy's comment. It is probably the style that threw off some peoples. If it is true that the author is asking people to change the world (otherwise there will be lots of people breaking away), then I would advise her to write the poem or approach the rhetoric differently.

Also, there are some typos. Fixing them would benefit the poem tremendously.
 
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Samara said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 3:20 pm:
I see what is creating all the problem with some people, including me apparently.

This poem has an undertone like: My teacher is bad so can you blame with for cheating?, or my parents are never home, so can you blame for trashing the house or getting drunk at home? Along that line, if you know what I mean.

The poem pointed to a well-known fact, that the world is a mess (so can you blame her for cheating her way out?). If the author's argument is to open teenagers' eyes... (more »)
 
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TheAuthor said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 2:29 pm:
"What if..." Those are the words that I begin this poem with. It doesn't imply that I want to personally break away. It is saying that yes, there are things to be dealt with to the point where the feeling of breaking away can overwhelm me. But I fight that feeling. Look at the last lines that I wrote. Then tell me that I want to break away. This whole poem is to bring attention to people. Since when did this become a personal poem? This was written with my future in mind. With ev... (more »)
 
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Justin said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 5:35 am:
My mummy said that she doesn't want me to hang out with someone like Victoria/Vicky. She said that she does not want me to get the idea to break away this "repulsive place where having a brown skin is like being a terrorist." She told me to prove it to this sad world that my brown skin means that I am beautiful, hard-working and honest. "No cheating," she said, "and change your world to the betterment".
 
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Ming X said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:51 am:
First, the author said that the world is so ugly, so do not blame her for CHEATING her way out. Argh! What a character.

Victoria, when you find the nirvana-like world, which you might as well never, take us all with you there. Just NO CHEATING...

Or better yet, let's better our existing world by saving it, not abandoning it.
 
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Deng said...
Dec. 16, 2008 at 4:45 am:
Ah there Maxie, the author said exactly, "So/Don't blame me for breaking away/ Where there is a place hatred won't go anyway." So it is NOT a what if question; she wants to break away.

I was just wondering, where is this utopian place where everything is upsy daisy? Heaven? Other planet? Where? I acknowledge that the world can be ugly, but there is no other place that can satisfy her utopian wishes. She just said she wants to break away to that place. This is exactly why I... (more »)
 
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Fizzy said...
Dec. 15, 2008 at 9:06 pm:
Hey folks - does this peom actually imply any *actual* plans to "break away from society"? The version I got on my screen right here starts out with a well-placed "What if...", so the author (Victoria or Vicky, to not be all too impersonal) is just making us listen up. You know how everybody is listening up when something like "ending", "breaking away", or other (most likely violent) ways of "change" is mentioned.
I think this is very good... (more »)
 
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