The Book of All Sins | Teen Ink

The Book of All Sins

October 16, 2012
By E.T.Wotruba, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin
E.T.Wotruba, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hold on to your butts." Jurassic Park


Ben Williams is a christian artifact researcher that gets this journal from Jesus. While he looks at it, there are no words in it. So now he has to find out why. While trying to solve this mystery, there are three devils that are after it. But why are they?


The Book of All Sins

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This book has 7 comments.

E.T.Wotruba said...
on Nov. 5 2012 at 9:49 am
E.T.Wotruba, Oconomowoc, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hold on to your butts." Jurassic Park

Yes, but your way of spelling and mine are different. Thanks :)

on Nov. 4 2012 at 2:52 pm
PandaBearLouise16 BRONZE, Lyndonville, Vermont
4 articles 5 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
I love lamp.....
IM KICKIN MY @$$ DOYA MIND???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


on Nov. 4 2012 at 1:20 pm
AloneandFree SILVER, Williamston, South Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.
-Mario Fernandez

it was very good and inspiring

Gecko GOLD said...
on Oct. 25 2012 at 7:45 pm
Gecko GOLD, Lafayette, Oregon
11 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When all else fails, make your character fall down a hole," -Libba Bray, at Powell's in Portland, Oregon

good story! I recommend one thing: try to substitute words like 'said' and 'asked' for more meaningful and descriptive words that more express how the character is saying this, like 'growled', 'snapped', 'whispered', etc, etc.

on Oct. 25 2012 at 7:31 pm
Snowflakes SILVER, Lichfield, Other
6 articles 0 photos 91 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are. - Alice In Wonderland

Hey :) So I think this is a pretty damn amazing piece of writing. It is really creative, and as the comment says bellow, completely orignial. I have never read a storyline close to this, so congrats on that ! However, it can be a bit hard to read because your sentences sometimes get a little jumbled, the grammar can be quite poor and you repeat a lot of words. The amount of times I saw the word 'then' was unbelievable haha! 
I also think you should comment more on the surrounding such as the settings/characters. Personally, when I read stuff I like to have full detail on what everything looks like to make it more well...real. 

So yeah, I think you should read through it, correct any mistakes made, try not to repeat words so much and use more desrcription and this would be a book that I would happily buy :D 

Sorry, this is a bit of an essay but I promised feedback so you got it hehe :) 

on Oct. 24 2012 at 6:42 pm
LestyPatrick PLATINUM, Darlington, South Carolina
43 articles 5 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Failure is, in a sense, the highway to success, in as much as every discovery of what is false leads us to seek earnestly after what is true, and very fresh experience points out some form of error which we shall afterward carefully avoid"John Keats

Totally original and I LOVE this!! 

on Oct. 21 2012 at 4:50 am
LinkinPark12 PLATINUM, Lincolnshire, Other
45 articles 1 photo 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
Work like you don’t need money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one's watching. ¦ I like change - but only when everything stays the same.

Hey E.T.Wotruba! As promised, I've read it :) This is a really good plot line and depending on how far you want to develop it, it could be exceptational! :)  However, there are a few things you need to work on: -Overuse of the word "said" and "?" -There are loads of connectives; try to get rid of most of them, they take away tension, especially in death scenes. -Part 1 especially is quite informal; using phrases like "funny that". I'm not sure if this is what you want or not.  -Think about the reactions for each character - especially to the death scenes. How would they react? Calm and controlled or upset? -Try to describe the appearance and setting in more detail - use the 5 senses and a range of vocabulary (theasauruses are good here!). -The ending is satisfying, but extend it slightly - especially the fight scene. Try to include short sentences to increase the tension. -As it is a short novel, there are some grammar (and spelling - but I'm not sure if that's because I'm from England - Americans and English spell certain words differently) issues, but nothing major. You might think I'm being quite negative, but I'm just trying to make this a really good novel, something for you to be proud of :) I see real potential here! I love love LOVE the plot line, and Warren and Dave's characters are amazing!! Maybe you could develop them more? The friendship between Ben and Tom is good, and I like the relationship of Ben and Jenny.  Good ending - but what do they do with Jesus' journal? On the whole - a good novel, with some real potential. The storyline is captivating and inventive.  Well done, thanks for the great read! :)

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