Teen Ink

WOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!!! i loved it!

it was very good and inspiring

good story! I recommend one thing: try to substitute words like 'said' and 'asked' for more meaningful and descriptive words that more express how the character is saying this, like 'growled', 'snapped', 'whispered', etc, etc.

Hey :) So I think this is a pretty damn amazing piece of writing. It is really creative, and as the comment says bellow, completely orignial. I have never read a storyline close to this, so congrats on that ! However, it can be a bit hard to read because your sentences sometimes get a little jumbled, the grammar can be quite poor and you repeat a lot of words. The amount of times I saw the word 'then' was unbelievable haha! 
I also think you should comment more on the sur... (more »)

Totally original and I LOVE this!! 

Hey E.T.Wotruba! As promised, I've read it :) This is a really good plot line and depending on how far you want to develop it, it could be exceptational! :)  However, there are a few things you need to work on: -Overuse of the word "said" and "?" -There are loads of connectives; try to get rid of most of them, they take away tension, especially in death scenes. -Part 1 especially is quite informal; using ph... (more »)