Catch me if you Can

April 14, 2012
By Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."


Summary:

Almost no time elapsed from the second I pressed enter on the keyboard to the second when the orange writing emerged into view, broadcasting one final instruction.

This is not the last time you will hear from me. I will cut the connection between our computers for the time being. Be on guard.
-N.C.


Almost instantly the computer screen turned truly black, the writing gone, and the laptop was dormant once more. “Who’s N.C.?” Ariel said, voice trembling slightly, saying exactly what I was thinking. I store at the black screen for several moments before I answered.

“I don’t know,” I replied, trying my best to remain collected without much success. Ariel and I just sat there for awhile, it could’ve been seconds, it could have been hours, it was impossible to tell. But there was one thing I realized at that very second, something that put every hair on my head on edge, something that set me more on edge than I'd ever been before:

Someone was watching us.


Alli S.

Catch me if you Can


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This book has 16 comments.


on Dec. 10 2012 at 8:06 am
SunnySummers GOLD, New York, New York
13 articles 1 photo 56 comments
   Other than that, now that I've read a little more, I can say that you're a good writer, so keep up the good work. =D

on Dec. 10 2012 at 8:01 am
SunnySummers GOLD, New York, New York
13 articles 1 photo 56 comments
   I just started reading it and ran into the word "store" where I think you meant "stared". :)

on Dec. 8 2012 at 7:08 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you so much for the feedback, looking through it again I see what you meant by the word repetition, thank you for telling me and helping me improve! :) 

on Dec. 8 2012 at 6:01 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea."
--Douglas Adams

Wow. This was so good. All I have to point out are a couple typos and grammatical errors, but those are to be expected in every piece of writing. Also, I noticed you used the word 'shocked' a lot, so maybe you could replace that with a different word, just to avoice being repetitive. But I was hooked from the minute I started reading! Great work!

CammyS SILVER said...
on Dec. 4 2012 at 7:53 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else's draft.
H. G. Wells
Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.
Mark Twain

Very excellent book. I was glued to the screen the entire time and I can't wait to see what happens next. It was very bold of you to kill off two of the seeming main characters in the first chapter but it worked out quite well. Very, very good. Would you mind reading some of my work?

on Dec. 3 2012 at 9:51 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you soo much for the feedback!  I really appreciate it!  Read and commented on "Telling Tales" and "My Drama Sister", great job on both by the way. :)

on Dec. 2 2012 at 7:21 pm
kenzie_treub DIAMOND, Orlando, Florida
60 articles 0 photos 11 comments
Oh and if you do read my work; read my newer work and poetry.  The earlier stuff is from when I was younger, and a less "thought-provoking" writer. 

on Dec. 2 2012 at 7:19 pm
kenzie_treub DIAMOND, Orlando, Florida
60 articles 0 photos 11 comments
Very impressive Alli!  I am an extremely harsh critic and I was very impressed with this book.  The characters are well thought out; the plot is intriguing. Excellent all the way around.  Would you mind reading some of my work?  

on Sep. 3 2012 at 3:57 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you so much!

MadHater said...
on Sep. 3 2012 at 12:14 pm
MadHater, Trophy Club, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 71 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
-Abraham Lincoln

or

"The price of success is responsibility."
-Winston Churchill

Very, very well written, and keeps the reader's attention throughout. The characters are well done and their interactions very realistic. Keep writing.

on Sep. 1 2012 at 5:04 pm
Writer38942849 SILVER, Aiken, South Carolina
5 articles 3 photos 17 comments
loving it  so much  

. said...
on Aug. 23 2012 at 11:06 am
Thank you soo much!  Your feedback really means a lot to me.

on Aug. 22 2012 at 4:25 pm
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE, Tampa, FL, Florida
4 articles 0 photos 77 comments

Favorite Quote:
God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
Of this picture he's painting
God is God and I am man
I will never understand
Because only God is God

Some of the most mature writing I've read here on TI. You have the makings of a professional writer. (This is the first time I've ever said that to anyone on this website) All in all, 5 stars easily. Great job and keep writing!

on Jul. 28 2012 at 3:13 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love is not someone you can live with, love is someone you can't live without."

"Always stand up for what's right even if that means you're standing alone."

Thank you so much!  I really appreciate the feedback:) your poetry is out of this world.

on Jul. 28 2012 at 1:25 pm
TheHangingGirl BRONZE, Winter Haven, Florida
1 article 1 photo 250 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Poets utter great and wise things that they themselves can not comprehend."

caught my Attention on the Teen Ink Chat and I just had to read it! I love how i never got bored during the whole thing! Great Dialogue betweeen characters - NEVER STOP WRITING!

on Jun. 22 2012 at 6:18 pm
luv2bLDS BRONZE, Peoria, Arizona
4 articles 0 photos 17 comments

Favorite Quote:
At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe us when we say that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough.

Wow! This is soooo good! You are a very talented writer! Don't stop writing!


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