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Guilty Stains

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Young Brown dashed to the crime scene as soon as he was called. He got to Café 5, the crime scene, and found the police gathered around the victim. Together with them was the famous Vancouver detective, Walter M. Morris, renowned not only for his crime solving capability but also for his great skill at investigating the private life of specific people. Morris was never found without his old, wooden smoking pipe.
Detective Anthony Brown found that the cold pale body on the floor was property of Thomas Raw, Café 5’s owner. Anthony crouched down to take a closer look at the body. All of a sudden, an ox strong grip took hold of Brown’s shoulder. The young man jumped up and found Morris an inch away of his eyes. He shook off a deep shiver rising up his spine. They greeted each other and went over to a corner to discuss the case.
The theory was as followed: one Tuesday night, Mr. Raw stayed up late working at his shop, cleaning the floor. Someone had surprised him from behind with the gift of a broken neck. His wife got worried and headed off to her love’s store where she found him sleeping on the ground, never to get up again.
Brown decided to go step by step. First, he would inspect the shop and interrogate his main suspect, Mrs. Raw. He got a sizzled cup of coffee and begun his tasks. He examined his crime scene, and was left open mouthed. Not even a clue of the murderer’s entrance. Perhaps, he would have more luck with Mrs. Raw.

As the detective got to the house he noticed a blood stain on the door handle. He got out a slick and shinny gun and hid it close, just in case. He rang the bell a few seconds. After a moment, a lady came out.
Her hair was short and made her look like a cherry with emerald eyes and ruby threads. She was dressed up like if she was going somewhere. The questions had begun as soon as possible.
Q: Did you love your husband?
A: Yes. The true question is … did he love me?
Q: What does that mean?
A: We had a small quarrel a few days ago at dinner, around two I think. He cut my hand with a sharp knife. Its blade did not cut deep into me. Then, I ran out to a hotel. I think he sent to look for me. A man started out for me. There, I lost a copy of Café 5 keys. Luckily, I have another.
Brown realized she was not the one. Mrs. Raw gave him a bill she had found. It was dirty. A dusty black smudge crawled over it. Brown put it safely into an evidence bag.

Brown’s eyes were back on the body. He looked at the injury and found the same black dusty smudge. Now, a smile was on every corner of his mouth. You could see his teeth plucked out. His eyes lit up like a match. He was then invited by Walter to a drink at a bar.
After some drinks, Walter headed off to the men’s toilet and left Anthony his crooked pipe. Anthony held it for him with pleasure. When Morris was back, Brown handed him his pipe. As he took his hand away he noticed a black dusty stain. Anthony’s eyes glowed. Morris made a frown when he understood what happened. Brown rushed out the bar and dashed into Café 5.
Anthony slightly opened the shop door and got near the body. He glared at the black dust on the neck of Mr. Raw. “Morris,” Brown whispered. He had been with the murderer all along! His new theory was that Raw had hired Morris to spy on his wife. He looked for her and got a copy of the shop keys. When the detective was not paid, he got into the shop and killed Raw!
All of the sudden a black shape came out of the dark with thunderous footsteps.
“You were looking for me?”



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Beny Ben said...
Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:18 pm
"Guilty Stains" is a great thriller nicely written. Loved "Play Back" & "Snow Day" very funny! 
 
LinT said...
Dec. 9, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Enjoyed very much :)
 
facha said...
Dec. 3, 2010 at 8:57 am
Hi "MakenaB_mjbc99" if you make this into an animated story I think I have the perfect music to go with it, send me an email. I finished watching your videos on Youtube "mjbc99" "Playback" is my favourite & "Snow Day" reminds me of Charles Chaplins movies although I don't know why. Well done!
 
Flavi said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:49 am
Hi "MakenaB_mjbc99", what versatility! Just as much as I enjoyed your video "Snow Day" I also enjoyed this thriller "Guilty Stains". Can't wait for what you will be positng next.
 
TommyTom said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:45 am
Hi "mjbc99" enjoyed very much reading "Guilty Stains" great suspense till the very end ... and then a bit more. Well done!
 
Bren said...
Nov. 29, 2010 at 10:42 am
That was an excellent story. Very nice job. What happens next?
 
Bay By said...
Nov. 21, 2010 at 12:11 pm
Is there a sequel? I am waiting for it!
 
the davis said...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 12:44 pm
Like the plot, loved the ending!
 
jaie jay said...
Nov. 20, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Nice, short, well wirtten and to the point. Witty descriptions!
 
MLLL said...
Nov. 16, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Dear "mjbc99" loved "guilty stains" also just watched on youtube your video "snow day" it is really funny!

 

 
Manu said...
Nov. 11, 2010 at 11:04 am
Sweet piece! Congrats.
 
Iblem said...
Nov. 10, 2010 at 10:36 am
Nice story, I watched your video "El Poder" / "mjbc99" on youtube, will the "Guilty Stains" video be coming soon?
 
Danny said...
Nov. 8, 2010 at 11:22 am

MJBC99, this ending calls for a second part.

As your brother (Andy B "Death has its heart in the right place") suggested, looked for your video "Bricks of Knowledge" on Youtube. Excellent piece of work such as "Science is the Key to the Answer". Liked the idea behind "Join the Band". My favourites are "Science is the answer" & "Thanks to Science".

 
Angeles said...
Nov. 8, 2010 at 10:54 am

Dear mjbc99 really enjoyed it! When is the next piece coming?

Also congratulations on the Royal Commonwealth Society Junior Vision Award Gold Award for "Bricks of Knowledge"!

 
Bel Ville said...
Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:51 am

Well written, precise, to the point.

Liked it very much.

 
Moni said...
Nov. 2, 2010 at 11:50 am

Keep it going!

Thanks for the Halloween Special

 
Kloe Zuyi said...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 7:24 am
Excellent !!!
 
Jsullivan said...
Oct. 6, 2010 at 7:12 am
I got a bit confuse, but I don't think i was completley focused either. Its great.
 
MakenaB_mjbc99 replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 8:00 am
Thank you!
 
Kelz1141This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 1, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Nice Story, I really like the plot but I think it is a little choppy and needs some more narrative.
 
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