Not Tonight

October 26, 2009
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Her eyes slowly drift to the bottom drawer while she contemplates her options.
Flashes of sharp metal fluttered across her eyelids.
grinning a sickening smile
she reached for the knob to the drawer.
there laid her salvation
her escape of reality.
she held her devilish savior in her hands
wondering where relief should be carved.
over the past few years, she was an expert at self punishment.
she drug herself in front of the mirror
and lifted the side of her shirt
fresh wounds covered old wounds
making it unclear where one started
and another ended
her whole stomach looked like a war zone with no survivors.
the area of choice today was her hip bones.
they were too pale, and jutted out too much.
just another result of her self hatred.
voices in her mind screamed at her,
confirming every self ridicule she thought.
the tip of the cold metal friend
lay innocently on her flesh
waiting to destroy what little self confidence she had left
she tenderly pressed the blade down
and crimson blood contrasted with her snow white skin.
she glanced up at the mirror before she countined.
who was this gaunt, sickly girl
looking back at her?
the blade dropped from her fingers
and landed gracefully
to the floor.
"Not again"
she said.
"this ends tonight"





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