The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

September 26, 2009
[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1894 comments. Post your own now!

ayeshamuzaffar This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 7:30 am

Twilight hater.

Welcome to the club buddy.

Common thing : we both think twilights a joke.

Btw very well written.

Hailz17 said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 11:55 pm
Omg that was so funny loved it!
HannahRaven said...
Sept. 9, 2011 at 3:45 pm
Pillow said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 1:14 am
Brilliant. hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
zadiekatie23 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Haha this pretty much sums up Twilight for sure
authorgirl_4_19 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 3:01 pm
pure laughter
MorgannAmelia said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Did you really come up with that? It's kind of amazing, lol. You should be a comedian:D
CrystalMarie said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Man i really like the seriease but this sure was funny!
A. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:18 am
Oh so very true
Ajay The Jet Plane said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm


 Better than the original. Better. Better Better

Kristen_M said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 7:16 am
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think is just too funny!!! I die of luaghter eveytime.
dragonslayer said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 1:43 am
I love that everytime something happens they all shout "yay"!
IceQueen said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I just laughed so loud, my sister cam e down from her room to yell at me for distracting her xD
hebos97 said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I love acurate this is!
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Dear God, 1271 (now 1272) comments! O.O Do I have to write about Twilight to get this many views? P:
ThisChangesNothing said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:49 am
ShiverPaw said...
Aug. 25, 2011 at 10:56 am
Hope nobody asks why I'm sitting on the computer and grinning my head off!!!
-mystery said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Rofl! I couldn't stop laughing; even as I read!

-kudos, master of parodies. ;)

forever_writing said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm
LOLZ best twilight saga parody ever!!!
WritingGrrl said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm
LOL This is absolutly brilliant!! Haha this made my day, you should make more. :)
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback