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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1834 comments. Post your own now!

AheartWithaLove said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:14 am
i love this. you summed it all up!!!
JenelleMarie123 said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:41 am
Yes it was funnny and yes it was well written....BUT i love the Twilight saga so i wag my finger at you. SHAME ON YOU!!! Lol jkjk[:
kittykittygurl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 1:24 am
This is just great! So funny and yet brutally honest. A once die hard twilight fan myself, I find this extremely amusing. Kudos!
angelwings14 said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 11:01 pm
I have to admit it was funny bt i wish u would have edit it better and make the story make more sense
topofmylungs said...
Jul. 13, 2011 at 8:43 pm
This is amazing. Can't even put this into words.
KatrinaCampbell said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 5:23 pm
Looove ittt :D
kitkatt2136 said...
Jul. 12, 2011 at 12:53 pm
I <3 this!!!
redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm
sooooooooooo hilarious!
holagirl78 said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm
LOL you should so do this with more book series! xD
cdbates replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 2:41 pm
ooh!  I agree.  I'd love to see harry potter summed up this way! :)
holagirl78 replied...
Jul. 14, 2011 at 4:12 pm
YAY! said...
Jul. 10, 2011 at 12:18 pm
swiftstar10123 said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:49 pm
BWAHAHAHAHA. I read the first three Twilights and hated them, (I myself am a Potterhead) and I think this is HYSTERICAL. You nailed it! 
Dia.dreamer said...
Jul. 9, 2011 at 10:02 am
GAWD THIS IS SOO HILARIOUS!!! I read this before but I think I forgot to post a comment...anyway, "my eggo is preggo" - HAHAHAHAHAHA
Girl_on_Fire said...
Jul. 8, 2011 at 2:47 pm
I'm a Twilight fan and I think this is fantastically true!
poetrykid702 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 6:25 pm
That was hilarious but so true
esnow824 said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 1:14 pm


i had to play bella in a play and it was making fun of twilight so this reminded me a lot of it.

but seriously, this is great. 

Poet_Angel95 replied...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 11:18 pm
OMG could NOT stop LMAO!
Ailatan replied...
Aug. 20, 2011 at 4:37 pm
LOL That was hilarious!!!!
Mahnooriable said...
Jul. 5, 2011 at 3:32 am
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