The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]

BELLA: Are you a vampire?

EDWARD: No! Yes...

[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]

BELLA: I love you.

EDWARD: I love you too.

[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]

BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!

[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]

EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.


[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]

JACOB: I love you too.


[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]

EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!

JACOB: Or what?

[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']

EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!

[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]

BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!


JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?

EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.

BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!

EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.

[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]

JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!

[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]

RENESME: I'm your daughter!

ALL: Yay!

[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]


End credits.

Join the Discussion

This article has 1891 comments. Post your own now!

Pillow said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 1:14 am
Brilliant. hahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!
zadiekatie23 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 5, 2011 at 3:29 pm
Haha this pretty much sums up Twilight for sure
authorgirl_4_19 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 3:01 pm
pure laughter
MorgannAmelia said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:56 pm
Did you really come up with that? It's kind of amazing, lol. You should be a comedian:D
CrystalMarie said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm
Man i really like the seriease but this sure was funny!
A. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 9:18 am
Oh so very true
Ajay The Jet Plane said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 1:41 pm


 Better than the original. Better. Better Better

Kristen_M said...
Aug. 31, 2011 at 7:16 am
AHAHAHAHAHA!!! I think is just too funny!!! I die of luaghter eveytime.
dragonslayer said...
Aug. 28, 2011 at 1:43 am
I love that everytime something happens they all shout "yay"!
IceQueen said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I just laughed so loud, my sister cam e down from her room to yell at me for distracting her xD
hebos97 said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 7:15 pm
I love acurate this is!
StrangeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Dear God, 1271 (now 1272) comments! O.O Do I have to write about Twilight to get this many views? P:
ThisChangesNothing said...
Aug. 27, 2011 at 8:49 am
ShiverPaw said...
Aug. 25, 2011 at 10:56 am
Hope nobody asks why I'm sitting on the computer and grinning my head off!!!
-mystery said...
Aug. 24, 2011 at 10:21 pm

Rofl! I couldn't stop laughing; even as I read!

-kudos, master of parodies. ;)

forever_writing said...
Aug. 22, 2011 at 8:28 pm
LOLZ best twilight saga parody ever!!!
WritingGrrl said...
Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:45 pm
LOL This is absolutly brilliant!! Haha this made my day, you should make more. :)
KapSlap said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 11:09 pm
what exactly is editor's choice? cause they didnt email me about it but it says one of mine is...i dont understand 
writerfreak21231This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Aug. 18, 2011 at 10:44 am
i really enjoyed! Infact I kept on coming back for more!!! I cant stop!!!! If anyone had the time could you please check out some of my work? I need more comments and feedback!!! I would be will ing to even check out anyones work if the do comment on my stories! I love the advice as well as giving it! :)(:
Daydreambeliever57 said...
Aug. 16, 2011 at 3:34 pm
Omg this is fantastically hilarious! It's like the funniest Twilight related thing since Vampires Suck!
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