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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.



Join the Discussion


This article has 1774 comments. Post your own!

MissyninjaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 5:16 pm:
That's was funny, I loved it and much better then the movie or books.
 
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vannatee101 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 12:35 pm:
Genius! This would make a great skit for the showcase at our school.
 
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Bgeek24 said...
Jun. 10, 2011 at 2:36 pm:
Wow that's one way to put it! I loved it! So funny.
 
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Ramsha S. said...
Jun. 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm:

So funny! Definitely better than the real book!

:)

 
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liliy said...
Jun. 7, 2011 at 9:42 am:
my eggo is preggo, thats stupid not even funny,
 
NeverShoutNeverFanThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 13, 2011 at 4:51 pm :
dont be hatin
 
Arco_Sine replied...
Jun. 15, 2011 at 6:44 pm :
It's alright to point out bad comedy in a bad script.
 
Babbe2 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 10:19 am :
OMG Bad Script? r u serious? I semi like twilight and thought this was amazing!!!! i know its ok to point out bad things but dont just say "bad script" say way it was a bad script and what the author could do to change it.....btw amazing script loved it :)
 
Arco_Sine replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:37 pm :
I said that because it uses sophomoric humor to please people. Witty humor, or well though out dialogue is what I respect. So when I see something that only sets out to be poorly polished it bugs me.
 
Babbe2 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm :
See and now it makes sense and i respect ur opinion`
 
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RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 11:13 am:
don't know if i wrote a comment already coz i've read this about 100 times so i'll just say it once more : HILARIOUS  !!!!!!!!!!!!!! could you do this with the harry potter series ???? ( and i'm a fan of both ) but ur soo good at this !!! :) 5/5 :D 
 
RockGirl182This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Jun. 6, 2011 at 11:16 am :
best line : Dance off !! :)
 
rosie93 replied...
Jun. 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm :
Agreed! That was an excellent line :)
 
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AddictedToWriting said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:23 pm:

O.o

Wooow...I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that you don't like Twilight very much, right?

lol.  Nice job.  ^_^

 
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ZulimaCThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 8:00 pm:
I love Twilight and I would usually be defensive...but this was really really funny;) There's always room to make fun of Twilight XD 
 
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Starling005 said...
Jun. 4, 2011 at 11:05 am:
niiiice lol..
 
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Raisa said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 11:44 am:
BHWAAHAAHAAA..this is HILL-LARIOUS!
 
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Niharika said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 11:33 am:
Hilarious! My eggo is preggo. Lol :P
 
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KaylynB. said...
Jun. 3, 2011 at 9:58 am:
ive read this  soooooooo    many times i can say it without looking! <3 it!
 
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MeatBall said...
Jun. 1, 2011 at 9:36 am:
Hahaha. This is sooo hiliraious! jahahhahhaha>(:
 
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