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The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
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LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.

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[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1984 comments.

Jacelyn PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 4 2012 at 2:34 pm
Jacelyn PLATINUM, Ft. Irwin, California
23 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
A friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in you even when you are fooling everyone else.

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Hilarious!!
soccer-girl13 said...
on Jan. 3 2012 at 4:48 pm
soccer-girl13, Rock Island, Illinois
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
-The vision of a champion is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion, when nobody else is lookinking *Mia Hamm

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Haha! This is to funny. Love the dance off part. You should make this into a video.
HaagenDazzle BRONZE said...
on Jan. 2 2012 at 11:21 pm
HaagenDazzle BRONZE, Fargo, North Dakota
1 article 36 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The mother art is architecture. Without an architecture of our own, we have no soul of our own civilization." Frank Lloyd Wright

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Alright, I've never read any of the books or the movies, but from all the rumors, and ridiculously dramatic posters, ads, etc. that I've seen, and anything I've known about vampires, I still found this hilarious! Nice.
ThatOneWritingGirl PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 2 2012 at 11:54 am
ThatOneWritingGirl PLATINUM, Greenwood Village, Colorado
21 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
Love Always. :)
When the tides of life turn against you and the current upsets your boat, don't waste time and tears on what might have been, just lie on your back and float.

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Haha, I was a fan of the books three years ago, and I own all the movies. I kind of grew out of liking the series, but am still kind of a fan; however, I laughed like an idiot for about two minutes after reading this. Great job!
vintageVirgo BRONZE said...
on Jan. 1 2012 at 2:09 am
vintageVirgo BRONZE, Douglas, Georgia
1 article 1 photo 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
\\\"Quiet people have the loudest minds.\\\" - Stephen Hawking

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That was so funny! LOL at the part when Edward shoots Bella :) GREAT JOB!!
Wordfisher said...
on Dec. 28 2011 at 4:58 pm
Wordfisher, Vancouver, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments
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Oh my gosh, this made me laugh so hard! This is great and you totally should make a video of it....
bubblesrfun GOLD said...
on Dec. 26 2011 at 1:23 pm
bubblesrfun GOLD, Muskego, Wisconsin
15 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be your own kind of beautiful.

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Lovely and sarcastic. Kind of like the movie 'Vampires Suck'.
awensman95 SILVER said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 8:42 pm
awensman95 SILVER, Alexandria, Minnesota
7 articles 0 photos 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All dreams come true if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

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Ha this is funny. Please do it again with another book/movie series!
Tremendous said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 7:45 pm
you really cut the books down. wow! and lul, the volturi were anticlimactic, hah!
arcanine24 PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 5:04 pm
arcanine24 PLATINUM, Ventnor, New Jersey
47 articles 1 photo 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone has a story; just some are more interesting to read than others.

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ive never seen the movies, and never will
__horizon133 PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 24 2011 at 4:18 pm
__horizon133 PLATINUM, Portage, Michigan
26 articles 0 photos 231 comments

Favorite Quote:
"laugh, and the world laughs with you. laugh hysterically, and for no apparent reason, and they will leave you alone." anonymous

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the power of sarcasm--beautiful.
eliana924 GOLD said...
on Dec. 23 2011 at 12:48 pm
eliana924 GOLD, New York, New York
11 articles 0 photos 116 comments
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HAHHAHAA!!! Please make a video of it :)
Batman97 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 22 2011 at 12:16 pm
Batman97 BRONZE, Baden, Pennsylvania
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
How's my life going? Who am I hanging out with? Well, in summary, my family is my family, my friends are my friends, my enemies are my enemies, the world is the world, and I am trapped in the middle of it all.

-Me

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So funny! I loved every second of this.
Mjjames2016 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 20 2011 at 11:36 am
Mjjames2016 BRONZE, Encinitas, California
1 article 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No snowflake in an avalanche feels responsible"

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Possibally the funniest thing ive read on here. haha
Lillykins said...
on Dec. 19 2011 at 5:36 pm
Lillykins, Charleston, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\"Before sunrise he\\\'s your son\\\" ~Mufasa, Lion King

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Ohmigosh! I nearly died laughing at this! Good job!
JenJenJ-Wow PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 17 2011 at 2:51 pm
JenJenJ-Wow PLATINUM, Brielle, New Jersey
38 articles 61 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dealing with backstabbers, there was one thing I learned. They're only powerful when you've got your back turned.
-Eminem
You've got enemies? Good. That means you actually stood up for something in your life.
-Eminem

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this is amazing!!! i wanna see this acted out so bad... you totally should and post it!!!!!!!!!!
Stormy9890 BRONZE said...
on Dec. 15 2011 at 6:18 pm
Stormy9890 BRONZE, Knoxville, Tennessee
2 articles 0 photos 23 comments
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Oh my gosh! You summed it up and even included Edward's sparkleness!!! You are AMAZING!!!!!!
Karles_Ivy PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 15 2011 at 11:14 am
Karles_Ivy PLATINUM, Sunnyside, Washington
23 articles 0 photos 62 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sometimes the bully isn’t the captain of the cheerleaders or the girl who for some reason has it out for only you; sometimes the worst bully of them all is you.- Karles_Ivy

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Oh my gosh.! This is super amazing.! I'd love to see this on video.! you are truly talented. Haha, I love this.!
BadGirl GOLD said...
on Dec. 15 2011 at 7:57 am
BadGirl GOLD, Dacula, Georgia
13 articles 10 photos 56 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather be HATED for who I am
then be LOVED for who I'm not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All I need is for someone to say "I believe in you."

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Its so bad that its funny!!!

I LOVE IT!!!!! :D

ArsinoeAnonymous said...
on Dec. 9 2011 at 4:32 pm
ArsinoeAnonymous, Unknown, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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Nice work.  I love this!