The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes | Teen Ink

The Twilight Saga in About Two Minutes

September 26, 2009
By LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
LucyM BRONZE, Kent, Ohio
2 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
90% of my happiness is coming from my pants.

Alright, alright, sorry, inside joke. Okay how about: "If you give a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day; if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." -Terry Pratchett.


[BELLA and EDWARD are onstage. EDWARD is staring over his shoulder like a creeper at BELLA.]



BELLA: Are you a vampire?



EDWARD: No! Yes...



[BELLA whirls around to face EDWARD.]



BELLA: I love you.



EDWARD: I love you too.



[They kiss. JAMES enters and stands menacingly behind BELLA.]



BELLA: Help! I'm in danger!



[EDWARD punches JAMES. JAMES falls and is no longer onstage. The pair kiss again.]



EDWARD: I love you. I don't love you. I have to go now.



BELLA: Aww.



[EDWARD exits. JACOB enters.]



JACOB: I love you too.



BELLA: Yay!



[They embrace. EDWARD rushes back in.]



EDWARD: Hey, get away from my girl!



JACOB: Or what?



[Michael Jackson music plays, preferably 'Thriller.']



EDWARD and JACOB in UNISON: Dance off!



[They dance for a short time before BELLA interjects.]



BELLA: Stop it! Can't you see- my eggo is preggo!



EDWARD: Yay!

JACOB: (with intensity) I am in love your child! [awkward pause] Hey, isn't there something about the Volturi?



EDWARD: Yeah, but that was anti-climactic.



BELLA: Nothing happened. Edward! Please! Kill me so I can live forever!



EDWARD: (looks doubtful) Okay.



[EDWARD pulls out a gun and shoots her. She collapses to the ground; JACOB face-palms.]





JACOB: I think she meant "bite me."



EDWARD: Oh.



[EDWARD bites BELLA.]



BELLA: (rising with arms outstretched) I'm aliiiiiive!



[RENESME, preschool aged, runs out from behind her.]



RENESME: I'm your daughter!



ALL: Yay!



[Cut to scene of the four skipping through a field with "Happy Together" by the Turtles playing. EDWARD, already shiny, takes his shirt off and blinds everyone with his whiteness. Music abruptly cuts off.]



EDWARD: Oops.



End credits.

The author's comments:
Don't flame, dudes. That's seriously lame. Feel free to film, just credit me in the credits and let me know if you're making a movie so I can check it out.

Similar Articles

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 1933 comments.


KayLai said...
on Aug. 2 at 12:54 pm
KayLai, Eugene, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
either do it right, or dont do it at all

9:54 am. Tries not to burst into laughter and wake up moody older sister. But yes, this is amazing

on Jun. 4 at 8:41 am
Lilycook212 BRONZE, New Castle, Delaware
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I found this very funny and interesting to read.

My_Author said...
on May. 14 at 6:17 pm
My_Author, No, Oklahoma
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Hey there beautiful. Remember, be yourself.

Can't say how true this is XD

Word_Addict said...
on May. 1 at 11:12 am
Word_Addict, Weston, Massachusetts
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
Sarcasm (sahr-kaz-uhm)
[noun]
1. The body’s natural defense against the less intelligent
2. A sharply ironical taunt; sneering or cutting remark
Ex: “Is your car stuck in the mud?”
“No. No, of course not. I’m just practicing how to spray mud using my tires.”

*wipes tear from eye* poetry.

on Apr. 18 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 18 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 18 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 18 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 18 at 1:53 pm
Maddie_Cheshire SILVER, London, Other
6 articles 2 photos 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm not crazy. My reality is just different from yours. ~The Cheshire Cat

I haven't read the actual series, but my suspicions have been confirmed.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces of writing that has ever come out of sparkly skinned vampirical fiction.
XD

on Apr. 8 at 10:24 am
Emotional_Mistake, Sylva, North Carolina
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a sunflower a little funny. If I were a rose maybe you'd want me."
-I'm a sunflower.

(Song lyrics not a quote)

Omg Yes. I loved Twilight before but this just made it ten times better

on Mar. 18 at 2:42 pm
iamcloudyeyes SILVER, Spokane Valley, Washington
9 articles 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
- Don Marquis, The Lesson of the Moth

"my eggo...."

on Mar. 18 at 2:40 pm
iamcloudyeyes SILVER, Spokane Valley, Washington
9 articles 1 photo 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves
- Don Marquis, The Lesson of the Moth

"my eggo is prego"

on Mar. 11 at 5:38 pm
Avathebooknerd BRONZE, Cortland, Ohio
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Our fate lies within us you just have to be brave enough to see it” -Merida, Brave

Who names their child Renesme? Sorry if i've offended anyone.

TKS SILVER said...
on Feb. 19 at 10:17 am
TKS SILVER, Christiansburg, Virginia
6 articles 2 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
Subscribe to Pewdiepie

Might I say......
Still a better love story than Twilight.

on Feb. 6 at 8:26 am
Kittensdamittens SILVER, York, Pennsylvania
8 articles 7 photos 14 comments
Thank you, this is amazing

on Dec. 17 2018 at 8:30 am
NetherKing5555, Hazard, Kentucky
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"Do or do not, there is no try." -Yoda

Pretty much sums the story up.

GreenSoda said...
on Nov. 17 2018 at 3:46 pm
GreenSoda, Jeffersonville, Indiana
0 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
“It’s worth it to stay alive. Because life is hard in the moment, it’s hard to see what can be down the road. You get tunnel vision and I think that the current moment is all you have left. But that’s not it. There can be come. Please let there be more. Please stay alive.”
― Josh Dun

What did I just read XD

on Nov. 1 2018 at 2:17 pm
thatonegirl136, Macon, Georgia
0 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly and then all at once."
- John Green

Haha this was funny.

blood_moon said...
on Oct. 10 2018 at 5:09 pm
blood_moon, Vashon, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am not ruined,
I am ruination
~Leigh Bardugo

I read the twilight series, out of obligation because I was given them as a gift and it was winter break and I didn't have anything better to do. It was a very regrettable experience, and this is a perfect summary. If this sounds interesting, sure, go read the books. But generally I found this summary, more interesting than the books.

blood_moon said...
on Oct. 10 2018 at 5:09 pm
blood_moon, Vashon, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
I am not ruined,
I am ruination
~Leigh Bardugo

I read the twilight series, out of obligation because I was given them as a gift and it was winter break and I didn't have anything better to do. It was a very regrettable experience, and this is a perfect summary. If this sounds interesting, sure, go read the books. But generally I found this summary, more interesting than the books.


Smith Summer

Parkland Speaks

Campus Compare