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Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall

Author's note:

The girls I interviewed asked for their names to be changed. 

Author's note:

The girls I interviewed asked for their names to be changed. 

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 14 Next »

Chapter Five - Claire

But no matter how horrible she felt, Claire was convinced her situation was fine. She thought, “There was no way I had a problem because I’m not skinny. I’m not super underweight. I’m not one of those skin and bones girls that represent anorexia. I’m not that. There’s no way I have a problem.”
She sighs and sits up straighter in her chair. “And there’s no way anyone would believe me if I said I had a problem. I wasn’t skinny enough, so there was no point in telling anyone.”
“I did tell my aunt a little bit and she told my grandma. They’re the only two. I hate that they know. It makes me very uncomfortable if people know about my problems. Are they now looking at me differently? And they bothered me a lot, asking,  ‘Did you eat?’ ‘Make sure you eat.’ Blah, blah, blah.”

“My parents have no idea. I don’t want to tell them.”

“A lot of my hair fell out. My nails got really brittle and broke a lot. I don’t have a period. I hope I can get it back.
Claire’s body was trying to attract her attention.
It was like her body was trying to call her, but she kept sending it to voicemail. After the tone, it starts talking.
“Hey, Claire? Would you mind feeding me? You know, eating food is the best way to get nutrients into yourself, and I kinda need that to function. But if you want to feel awful all the time, you know, I guess you can starve me and take away 25% of my weight. I don’t want to be pushy or anything, but I might shut down soon. Oh, and by the way, if you ever want to have children, maybe ten years from now, you might want to consider feeding me. But whatever you think is best. I don’t really want to be a model though, ‘cause I wasn’t really built for that, but whatever. You never really wanted to be my friend anyway ‘cause you keep hiding me under these giant clothes. I guess I’m too ugly for you. Sorry, gotta go. These hunger pangs want to talk to you too.”

 

“I don’t feel like I ever got really skinny, but I don’t really know. To be honest, I had this perception of myself—but I don’t really know if that perception was true. I was trapped in my own body and I just hated it so much. I felt like I wasn’t in control of it, so by not eating, I gained some control. But really I didn’t have any control. I was trapped in thoughts. I felt like the image in the mirror determined my self-value. It didn’t matter what I was like on the inside, what other characteristics I had. If I wasn’t skinny, I wasn’t anything.”
The mirror says many things. It has a Ph.D. in public speaking from the Academy of Lies. It so effectively persuades its victims that they sink deep into depression.
“A lot of it was mental. My depression got really, really bad. I had a lot of anxiety, and that’s something I still struggle with.”
“I was not happy at all.” She pauses for a moment, massaging her hands and looking at a corner of the floor. “I don’t like to think about that time.”

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 3 4 5 6 7 8 ... 14 Next »


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