Hester Prynne is not your average 17th century adulteress: she is young, attractive, in jail, and forced to wear a humiliating, flamboyant letter A stitched to her dress. Her hobbies include standing on scaffolds to be publicly humiliated by the townspeople, wandering through dark and creepy forests, and sewing various articles of clothing for her illegitimate demon child. Yes, Hester Prynne has it all.

But who is the father of her baby girl?

In The Scarlet Letter, author Nathaniel Hawthorne takes a mildly interesting scandal and twists it into an overdramatic story featured in school curriculums everywhere. Not only does Hester have to deal with her seemingly possessed baby, Pearl, but she also has to face her evil ex-husband, who has a murderous disposition toward Pearl’s father. Whoever he is.

In the meantime, a handsome young priest, who knows Hester, is experiencing painful convulsions over his heart, in the same spot where Hester wears her letter. Apparently only one person in the entire town finds this suspicious.

Hawthorne tells this classic tale by using really long sentences and frequently repeating the same big words. Although the syntax is exhaustingly extensive, he manages to get his point across: if you have an affair, the universe will conspire against everyone you love. Also, red letter A’s are too flashy for 17th century Boston. Even if they are nicely embroidered.

If you like scaffolds, possessed children, and morally troubled priests, then The Scarlet Letter is the book for you.